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2010 Stories by Jacob Katel

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  • Satan's Enchanted Forest

    published October 28, 2010

    Even the Antichrist loves Santa’s Enchanted Forest at Tropical Park. Hey, switch a couple of letters in the fat man’s name, and... More >>

  • Driven to Misdeed

    published October 28, 2010

    Back in the day, we yanked the catalytic converter out of our gas-guzzling Pontiac for extra horsepower. And every time we drive past a pack of... More >>

  • Stoned on Steel

    published October 21, 2010

    West Perrine is rough. From the Circle Plaza Projects to the Dada 5000 fight compound, choppers, yard boys, and black flags rule. The population,... More >>

  • Claustrophobes Beware

    published October 14, 2010

    Not long ago, our iPhone fell in a ditch, and when we climbed down to save it, we tripped on a shovel. Mountains of earth collapsed on us, and... More >>

  • Big Pimpin' at Gusman

    published October 14, 2010

    “Yeah, I bet I disgust some of you black women out there, but every boy out there on them streets wants to be just like me. A player. An... More >>

  • Top Five Rock Star Criminals: From Rick James to Norwegian Black Metal

    published Oct 14, 2010

    ​Rock stars and jail-time go together like bars and stripes, weed and whiskey, hookers and cocaine. No wonder so many of our musical heroes end up in trouble with the law.Like Miami's own Against Al... More >>

  • ¡Mayday!'s Stuck on an Island Free Full Album Stream

    published Oct 13, 2010

    ​¡Mayday!'s Stuck On An Island is officially out now, meaning you can buy it physically in select stores, digitally on iTunes, or via the band's site as an instant "HD MP3 download." You can even s... More >>

  • Miami Music Festival Announces Full Lineup and Venue List

    Miami Music Festival Announces Full Lineup and Venue List

    published Oct 12, 2010

    ​No live music scene in Miami? You're wrong and the Miami Music Festival is here to prove it, incontrovertibly, with more than 400 performances across 45 stages from downtown to the Gables, from Gro... More >>

  • Fifi's Record Shop celebrates 30 years in Little Haiti

    published October 14, 2010

    Fifi's Record Shop celebrates 30 years in Little Haiti More >>

  • Death, Like a Tiger

    published October 7, 2010

    In South Dade, entrails swing from tree limbs slimed with pancreatic juices that drip into puddles of bile. The Devil loves your sodden, rotten... More >>

  • Krave Drawings

    published October 7, 2010

    Ever walk into an art gallery, see something like a pile of beer cans tied together with piano wire floating in a puddle of soup, and wonder what... More >>

  • Ten Sweet and Sleazy Rock Star Sex Stories

    Ten Sweet and Sleazy Rock Star Sex Stories

    published Oct 04, 2010

    ​The Grand Funk Railroad song "We're an American Band" opens with the lines: "Out on the road for forty days/Last night in Little Rock, put me in a haze/Sweet, sweet Connie was doin' her act/She had... More >>

  • Chelsea's Kids

    published September 30, 2010

    Comedians are usually neurotic, drug-addled, alcoholic hooker-bangers who smoke too much and eat lots of junk food. In other words, they’re... More >>

  • Top Ten Songs For Smoking Weed

    Top Ten Songs For Smoking Weed

    published Sep 27, 2010

    ​In the great words of ... Wait, who said that, dude? Who said that stuff about the weed? And the music? And how they go together? and how one makes the other better? But they're both still awesome ... More >>

  • Socavivor's Dag Talks Madhouse, Big Pun, Elephant Man, and the Future

    published Sep 27, 2010

    ​South Florida's 21st century dancehall, soca, and hip-hop party scene can be described in one word: Madhouse. That's the name of the weekly party started on Key Biscayne in the early millennium and... More >>

  • Cold-Blooded Race

    published September 23, 2010

    In China, dragons are revered for their potent life force, weather-controlling ability, and iconic graphic value — not to mention their knack... More >>

  • Top 10 Football Gambling Foods

    Top 10 Football Gambling Foods

    published Sep 22, 2010

    ​Gambling is one of the greatest highlights of football season. Got a dozen bets running every Sunday? Risk your car payment on whether a college quarterback would run or throw his first TD? Trying ... More >>

  • Dead in the Water

    published September 16, 2010

    As soon as the Man gets the chance, he’ll sell Biscayne Bay out from under us and use it as a county dump. Imagine old motel mattresses,... More >>

  • Top 10 Murdered Musicians You've Never Heard Of

    published Sep 14, 2010

    ​Dead rock stars are a dime a dozen. They usually drink themselves to death, overdose on narcotics, crash cars, or get on faulty aircrafts with drunk pilots on drugs who crash cars. But murdered mus... More >>

  • Tempo Tantrum

    published September 9, 2010

    We’ve been up all night, furiously burning rubber over highways and back roads, derailing dawn’s sunlit offensive. Can you taste the... More >>

  • How to Stage a Hunger Strike Like Aida Fernandez

    How to Stage a Hunger Strike Like Aida Fernandez

    published Sep 03, 2010

    ​Aida Fernandez is staging a hunger strike in a tent on her Hibiscus Farm in the protected wetlands of South Dade near Chekika Park in the Everglades. We found her event through a hand-painted neon ... More >>

  • Punch a Cop

    published September 2, 2010

    We don’t necessarily hate cops. Last week, a nice policeman helped us chase a crackhead down Biscayne Boulevard after an incident involving... More >>

  • Donkey Puncher

    published July 15, 2010

    Patrice O’Neal might tell Miami how to perform a sex act called the chicken cutlet. It involves sand, a wet member, and —... More >>

  • Miami Graffiti: Wynwood's Original Gangsta Wall

    published Jul 14, 2010

    ​ The Original Gangsta wall is at 21st Street at NW 1st Court.... More >>

  • Flo Rida, Poe Boy Music Group "We Already Won" Track Celebrates LeBron, D-Wade, Bosh

    published Jul 13, 2010

    ​LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh. Triple word score. The Miami Heat are gonna have Biscayne Boulevard locked up bumper to bumper. The Metrorail, bus, and Metromover are gonna be packed like sa... More >>

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