Email Author Ily Goyanes

2012 Stories by Ily Goyanes

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  FEATURED STORY

  The Legion Fetish Party: Dildos, Dungeons, and Swine (NSFW)

  published Jun 25, 2012

  Cultist unfurled its freak flag and attended the Legion Fetish Party held at Nowhere Lounge this past Saturday. As with most fetish parties, part of the fun comes from being surrounded by outrageous o... More >>

• Dining, Drinking, And Dunking: How Miami Does the NBA Finals (Video)

  published Jun 22, 2012

  Locals know that getting a table at a sports bar during the NBA Finals is like trying to get backstage passes to a Justin Beiber concert -- only much more difficult. But there are other, less "typical... More >>

• Kosher Hot Dog Suit: If 'Holy' Food Is Blasphemous, We Can't Trust Anyone

  published Jun 21, 2012

  Something just ain't kosher.As reported by Short Order earlier this week, ConAgra Foods, Inc., the company that produces those delicious Hebrew National hot dogs, is being sued. Well, not only su... More >>

• Sonic Beach In Homestead Follows Up on Complaints, Regains Its Former Glory

  published Jun 18, 2012

  In February I wrote a scathing review of the Sonic Beach in Homestead. I was contacted by one of the proprietors and told the following:One, Sonic took feedback very seriously.Two, the manager mention... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Burger King's Bacon Sundae Stinks; Leave the Experiments to Higher-End Eateries

  published Jun 14, 2012

  As reported by Short Order in April, Miami-based fast-food chain Burger King was testing a new menu item at some of its Nashville locations.The itemr A bacon sundae.Apparently, Nashvillians gave it a ... More >>

• KFC Chicken Buckets Made With Wood From Rain Forest Trees

  published May 30, 2012

  The Colonel is killing tigers.Greenpeace International has released a report accusing Kentucky Fried Chicken of using food packaging made with wood from rainforest trees in Indonesia.According to the ... More >>

• Food Stamps Traded for Drugs and Cash, Welcome Crackdown Coming

  published May 25, 2012

  Florida is notorious for Medicare fraud, and we also have more than our fair share of food stamp fraud. At least Miami residents can console themselves with the fact that our food stamp defrauders are... More >>

• Fat Tax, Like California's, Is Too Much

  published May 18, 2012

  In an effort to force citizens to make healthier choices, a few countries have instituted a "fat tax" or "junk food tax," which requires consumers to shell out more for unhealthy foods. So far, Denmar... More >>

• The Face and Body Art International Convention: Skin As Canvas (Photos)

  published May 17, 2012

  The Face and Body Art International Convention (FABAIC) is no toddler birthday party face-painting. The event celebrating its 11th year in Fort Lauderdale from May 23 to 27 shows off some serious skil... More >>

• Meat Glue: The New Pink Slime (Video)

  published May 09, 2012

  Most of you remember 'pink slime' don't your That nasty little recipe that was being used by many fast food restaurants and passed off as straight up beef to us ignorant folkrWell, there's another ver... More >>

• Aqua Girl 2012 Revelers: An Anthropological Study

  published May 08, 2012

  View photos of Aqua Girl 2012 at the Surfcomber Hotel here.Anthropologists have long studied the North American lesbian woman, with little to no success in recording accurate data. We at Cultist decid... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Don't Shoot! A Guide to Not Getting Arrested on Memorial Day Weekend

  published May 03, 2012

  Miami is hot. Not hot as in scorching 90-degree weather hot (though obviously it is that too), but the popular, trendy, Paris Hilton-y, "hawt" kind of hot. Some of us may take pride in that fact, but ... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Aqua Girl 2012: The Ten Best Events, From Pool Parties to "Lesbian Ultra"

  published May 02, 2012

  Who cares about May flowers when it's time for Sapphic sisters to rejoicer Once again, bisexual, transgender, and lesbian women get to indulge their baser natures with the arrival of Aqua Girl.Organiz... More >>

• Student Ingests Glass and Meth After DEA "Misplaces" Him in Cell for Five Days (Video)

  published May 02, 2012

  I am not going to lie and say I am completely against the tactics used on prisoners at Abu Ghraib, but when similar abuse is suffered by Americans not suspected of, well, anything really, there is a p... More >>

• Must-See Movies at the Miami Gay and Lesbian Film Festival

  published May 3, 2012

  Must-See Movies at the Miami Gay and Lesbian Film Festival More >>

• Eisenhower, Kennedy, and the Bay of Pig's Feet

  published Apr 26, 2012

  Since America began closing mental institutions in 1955, the streets have been deluged with mentally unbalanced individuals unable to care for themselves. (Blame JFK for that guy you see on your way t... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Miami Gay & Lesbian Film Festival: Five Can't-Miss Movies and Parties Galore

  published Apr 23, 2012

  In its 14th year (God, where did the time gor), the Miami Gay and Lesbian Film Festival (MGLFF) has become one of the top LGBT film festivals in the country.And it's no wonder why. This year's festiva... More >>

• Taco Bell Salmonella Alert

  published Apr 23, 2012

  According to the Chinese zodiac, 2012 is the Year of the Dragon, but it should be renamed the "Year of the Salmon--ella outbreak and consequent civil suits."Too longrTwo lawsuits due to salmonella poi... More >>

• Miami Artists Antonia Wright and Deborah Magdalena Find Inspiration in Local Women's Shelters

  published Apr 20, 2012

  Most people think of homeless shelters as sad, hopeless places -- certainly not the most inspirational settings. But two Miami artists are trying to change that -- or at least shed new light on the on... More >>

• Miami Beach Gay Pride: From Bears to Bois, Seven Gays You'll See This Weekend

  published Apr 13, 2012

  We love the gay community - and we mean love, in, like, a totally gay way. Yes, we know that a gay person is just like any other. But in reality, many gays know that they are simply a little more fabu... More >>

• McDonald's Caves Under Pressure, Stand Your Ground Is Fine

  published Apr 12, 2012

  I don't like the online activist group Color of Change. The namby-pamby, can't-we-all-just-get-along-as-long-you're-a-vegan, Obama-loving, Christian-hating, war-protesting, Democratic-donkey-defending... More >>

• Free Shots, Cheap Drinks, and Debauchery: Inside the World of Organized Pub Crawls

  published Apr 10, 2012

  It all started at the Local Craft Food & Drink in Coral Gables. Throngs of people wearing Mardi Gras masquerade masks descended upon the bar to get their drink on this past Saturday. Fritz & F... More >>

• American Reunion: Ten Things From 1999 We'd Rather Revive

  published Apr 06, 2012

  American Pie is making a comeback today via American Reunion, yet another sequel to the insipid franchise. We all know what that means. Original cast members like Jason Biggs, Chris Klein, and Tara Re... More >>

• Dining in the Dark at Catharsis Restaurant: Fun With Food

  published Apr 02, 2012

  Last Wednesday I had a dining experience that can only be described as orgasmic. Before you think I suffer from objectophilia or start calling me a foodshagger, let me explain that the event was inten... More >>

• SushiSamba's Kristen Knight Teaches Us How to Make a Caipirinha (Video)

  published Mar 30, 2012

  We were invited to attend a caipirinha (kai-pee-reenya) making class at SushiSamba recently, and bartender Kristen Knight was kind enough to let us record her in action so that you too can celebrate t... More >>