Email Author Ily Goyanes

2012 Stories by Ily Goyanes

• The Five Most Gag-Worthy Items on Oprah's Favorite Things List

  published Nov 02, 2012

  To honor the holidays, to gloat about how superior she is to everyone else, or in a display of early onset dimentia, Oprah has once again compiled a list of her favorite things -- things normal people... More >>

• Putting the "Wee!" in Halloween

  published November 1, 2012

  Miamians tend to be a bit jaded when it comes to Halloween, perhaps due in part to the fact that we see so many sexy cops, sexy nurses, sexy... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Disney Treats Make You Fat, Says Center for Science in the Public Interest

  published Nov 01, 2012

  The Center for Science in the Public Interest (CSPI) has issued an open letter to Disney requesting the company stop allowing the images of its characters to be used on the packaging of holiday treats... More >>

• Last Call Pub Crawl's Halloween Event in the Grove (Photos)

  published Oct 30, 2012

  You would have thought his past Saturday was October 31 with all the costumed revelers in Coconut Grove as part of the Last Call Pub Crawl's Halloween Crawl.The concept was simple: "Crawlers" hit a se... More >>

• Companies Spend $41 Billion To Keep Consumers In The Dark

  published Oct 29, 2012

  There's a bit of an uproar over California's Proposition 37 scheduled for the November 6 ballot. Another twenty states are considering similar measures.It's a simple proposition requiring that all gen... More >>

• The Halls of Terror: Terrifying Demon Clowns For a Good Cause

  published Oct 26, 2012

  When brainstorming ideal haunted house locations, one of the last places you'd think of is Super Wheels (or Hot Wheels, as Miami natives in our 30s know it). And we have to admit that when we were giv... More >>

• Gulfstream Park's Festival of Souls Puts The "Wee!" Back In Halloween

  published Oct 25, 2012

  Miamians tend to be a bit jaded when it comes to Halloween, perhaps due in part to the fact that we see so many sexy cops, sexy nurses, sexy witches, and, well, just plain sex all year round. The Fest... More >>

• Bad Girls Unite

  published October 18, 2012

  This Saturday, baby mommas, ratchet-ass hos, skanky sweethearts, and trifling tricks will be trying their best to impress casting director Megan... More >>

• Burger King Drive-Thru Stinks, Says Study. Locals Disagree.

  published Oct 18, 2012

  According to a new study, Miami-based Burger King, has the worst drive-thru when it comes to service, speed, and accuracy.The study, conducted by QSR Magazine, is conducted annually and rates the driv... More >>

• Bad Girls Club Casting Call: Bad Girls, Bad Girls, Whatcha Gonna Do This Saturdayr

  published Oct 11, 2012

  This Saturday, baby mommas, ratchet-ass hos, skanky sweethearts, and trifling tricks will be trying their best to impress casting director Megan Sleeper for a chance at stardom via the Oxygen channel'... More >>

• NJ Students Take to Facebook to Protest Healthy School Lunches

  published Oct 10, 2012

  New Jersey high school students recently created a Facebook page to protest the new federal regulations requiring public schools to provide healthier lunches.As a parent, I am well aware of how unheal... More >>

• David Bernard Talks Tejo Wine Tasting Tomorrow At Smith & Wollensky

  published Oct 09, 2012

  Wine enthusiasts can indulge in an all-you-can-drink wine tasting celebrating the wines of Portugal at Smith & Wollensky tomorrow, Wednesday, October 10. The Tejo Wine Tasting offers 100 distinct ... More >>

• 100 Montaditos: Yelpers Let Loose During Kendall's First-Ever Yelp Event

  published Oct 04, 2012

  Tuesday, saguesera Yelpers rejoiced at the first ever Yelp event held in Kendall. Of course, Yelp being the adorable hipster it is, the event was held at a trendy spot, namely the 100 Montaditos on Ke... More >>

• Wash U.: Gain Weight and Get Paid

  published Oct 04, 2012

  Would you eat a dozen churros every day for payrResearchers at the Washington University School of Medicine are paying participants to eat, particularly fast food from McDonald's, Kentucky Fried Chick... More >>

• New Study: Americans Are Big, Fat, Gullible Dummies

  published Sep 26, 2012

  According to a study conducted by Professor Aradnha Krishna from the University of Michigan, many Americans are big, fat dummies whose psyches and eating habits are manipulated by suits in the marketi... More >>

• Publix Supermarkets Should Better Vet Its Food Demonstrators

  published Aug 24, 2012

  Foodies, restaurant critics, and even food novices (often called 'diners') are aware that when it comes to service, Miami is somewhat lacking.Rude and negligent servers make you wait eons for a napkin... More >>

• ARTFUZE Unites Artists, Photographers, Filmmakers, and Fashion Designers for Charity

  published Aug 22, 2012

  If you're a local culture junkie it's safe to say that Miami's art walks, notably Wynwood and Bird Road, have been serving as a panacea as you wait for season to start. But as said junkie, your high i... More >>

• Talking to Ourselves: Contributor Cum Author, Ily Goyanes, On Her New Erotica Book

  published Aug 21, 2012

  As a contributor to the Miami New Times for the past few years, I've learned a few things. And I enjoy sharing my knowledge with others so that they too can obtain a modicum of success.Aside from my c... More >>

• Artist Eleazar Delgado On Why Miami Is His Muse

  published Aug 03, 2012

  Architecture couldn't contain him. Neither could interior design. Eleazar Delgado, amateur historian, intellectual philosopher, and resident Wynwood artist, needed more freedom of expression, so he tu... More >>

• California's Got The Right Idea: Help Ban Foie Gras In Florida (Video)

  published Jul 18, 2012

  As Short Order reported recently, California's ban on foie gras finally went into effect earlier this month.Unfortunately, due to the lax wording of the ban, restaurants have found it possible to circ... More >>

• Michael Schwartz's Harry's Pizzeria Presents a "Modern Twist on Classic Soul"

  published Jul 17, 2012

  Think you got soulr Then get ready for the second annual Soul Fest this weekend at the Stage (Best New Venue for Live Music by New Times last year).Soul Fest takes place this Friday and Saturday in ce... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Forget Fifty Shades of Grey: Expert Tips For Exploring Your Inner Kinkster

  published Jul 16, 2012

  With the explosive popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey, many Miamians have come to discover that there has been a little kinkster inside them begging to come out and play.Mitzi Szereto, a widely publis... More >>

• Five Freaky Sex Acts You Probably Didn't Know Existed (NSFW)

  published Jul 09, 2012

  Summer in Miami: It's hot. It's wet. It's sticky. It's steamy. Many people would consider it gross. And no, we're not talking about the weather.Reports of unusual behavior in South Florida's bedrooms ... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Evil Teacher Nailed for Horrible Behavior With Food and Kids, Bureaucracy Allows it For Years

  published Jul 06, 2012

  Some of us love food and then some of us love food. Gavin Bradford of Halton Ontario has lost his teaching license after a four-year investigation into his inappropriate behavior towards at least 21 e... More >>

• Food Stamp Parties: USDA Encourages Seniors to Attend

  published Jul 02, 2012

  In a shining example of government idiocy, the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) is actually encouraging people to apply for food stamps.The government agency has an active program to lure more Am... More >>