Email Author Elyse Wanshel

Awards

• 2010 - Better Weekly Newspaper Awards/Florida Press Association

  Loon Over Miami

• 2009 - National Society of Newspaper Columnists, published December 25, 2008

  "Strippers XXXmas"

• 2009 - National Society of Newspaper Columnists, published October 23, 2008

  "Giant Chicken Clucks at Wynwood Gallery Walk"

• 2009 - National Society of Newspaper Columnists, published April 10, 2008

  "Pregnant Pause"

• 2009 - Sunshine State Awards/South Florida Society of Professional Journalists, published April 10, 2008

  "Pregnant Pause"

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2011 Stories by Elyse Wanshel

• Tommy Boy

  published April 7, 2011

  You might not know Tommy Davidson by name, but as soon as you see his bugged-out eyes, squarish head, and emaciated frame, you’ll... More >>

• Macho, Macho Fan

  published April 7, 2011

  Ever since Ultra Music Festival wrapped, you’ve been dry-heaving, bumping into inanimate objects, and having random acid flashbacks of a cop... More >>

• Most Cringeworthy Camel Toes in Honor of International Beaver Day (NSFW)

  published Apr 07, 2011

  Today is International Beaver Day! And what does that meanr Who cares! As soon as we saw the term "International Beaver Day" we automatically chuckled like Beavis and Butthead because, heh, beavers ar... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Real Housewives of Miami Reunion: One Bitchy Train Wreck

  published Apr 06, 2011

  Just like pilgrims descending from the Mayflower onto American soil, The Real Housewives of Miami broke ground last night by being the first housewives cast to have a live reunion. The result felt som... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Real Housewives of Miami Reunion: The Drinking Game

  published Apr 05, 2011

  The Real Housewives of Miami -- or what we like to think of as the televised equivalent of an amuse-gueule (thanks, Top Chef) for the new season of The Real Housewives of New York -- is about to wrap ... More >>

• Ten '90s Heartthrobs You'd Never Admit You Had a Crush On

  published Apr 04, 2011

  There are some '90s-era Hollywood hotties  that are a lot like fine wine -- George Clooney, Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt (when he's not sporting the billy goatee), Leonardo DiCaprio (hey, he actually l... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Real Housewives of Miami, Episode 6: Larsa Calls the Witch, a Bitch

  published Mar 30, 2011

  Last night's 90 minute season finale of the Real Housewives of Miami begins with a glimpse of Elsa's fabulous purple socks which temporarily blinds us with their utter awesomeness. Then we move into a... More >>

• Simon Cowell Talks New Idol Judges, Paula Abdul, and His New Show The X-Factor

  published Mar 30, 2011

  What exactly is an X-Factorr An unknown factor in our algebra II class that was only slightly less infuriating than yr The spot on a map where a pirate's booty is buriedr An element a starlet has to... More >>

• Lea and Roy Black Host Charity Gala with Dionne Warwick and Pharrell Williams

  published Mar 29, 2011

  Have you ever dreamed of popping your junk to live performances by Dionne Warwick, Pharrell Williams, and Pittbull's "Gasolina"r All while wearing seven different layers of clothing including a pair o... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  New Twitter Trend Alert: Porn Sitcoms (e.g. 30 Cocks and Cummunity)

  published Mar 24, 2011

  You dirty freaks. Who decided to start a Twitter meme for #PornSitcoms and not alert us immediately of its existencer The concept of this particular meme is to take the names of television sitcoms and... More >>

• Why James Franco Is So Annoying

  published Mar 23, 2011

  Sure, James Franco is hot. Super hot. And hey, when an actor's been involved with projects like Freaks and Geeks, Spider Man, Milk, Howl, and Pineapple Express (we'll just pretend like Eat, Pray, Love... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Real Housewives of Miami, Ep. 5: Where Is Elsar

  published Mar 23, 2011

  Last night's episode of Real Housewives of Miami was like freebasing Ambien and glitter. It was half Sand Man-approved snore-fest and half WTFr. Seriously, we're hoping that next week's 90-minute seas... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Smoking Hot Photos of Elsa Patton Before Real Housewives of Miami

  published Mar 21, 2011

  Elsa Patton, the true star of the Real Housewives of Miami, seems to have taken a break from cackling over a bubbling cauldron filled with vodka to prevent the steam from melting off her face start he... More >>

• Chatty Kathy

  published March 17, 2011

  There are a lot of things we’d like to ask Kathy Griffin. What part of your body hasn’t been professionally assessed by a plastic... More >>

• How to Survive Spring Break Without STDs, Trashy Tattoos, or Boob Sunburns

  published Mar 16, 2011

  Throngs of coeds with duffel bags (or garbage bags -- we know how it is in college, we don't judge) packed full of thongs are about to embark on South Beach for spring break. Whoo! And although the sa... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Real Housewives of Miami, Episode 4: Let's Slaughter a Pig!

  published Mar 16, 2011

  Last night's Real Housewives of Miami episode was pumped full of a lot of the same: Larsa complains about nannies, Cristy complains about Lea, both agree Lea's sense of style is not cute. Lea goes sho... More >>

• Everything You Know About Elsa Patton Is Wrong

  published Mar 15, 2011

  Today is Everything You Think Is Wrong Day. And everything we've learned thus far about Elsa Patton, the real star of the Real Housewives of Miami, is completely false. Yes lies, ALL LIES! But step ba... More >>

• Move Along, Homeless. Victoria's Secret Models Taking Over Lummus Park

  published Mar 14, 2011

  We suppose the homeless herds who graze in South Beach's Lummus Park -- a small stretch of greenery that separates Ocean Drive from the actual ocean -- are going to have to pack up their shopping cart... More >>

• Feng Shui Your Soul

  published March 10, 2011

  Ever been to a big music festival and after hours of booze, junk food, and blazing sun, felt like you needed to get your chi in check? In the... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Real Housewives of Miami, Episode 3: Elsa Is a Witch, Duh

  published Mar 09, 2011

  Miami is all about having a front. Things are rarely what they seem, especially in The Real Housewives of Miami. So we're going to translate last night's episode the best we can. Think of it as Real H... More >>

• Simon Cowell's X-Factor Holds Miami Auditions

  published Mar 07, 2011

  What exactly is an X-Factorr An unknown factor in our algebra II class that was only slightly less infuriating than yr The spot on a map where a pirate's booty is buriedr An element a starlet has to t... More >>

• Wanda Sykes Had an Off, Unfunny Night at the Fillmore Miami Beach

  published Mar 05, 2011

  Oh, Wanda. What can I sayr Or, better yet, how can I say it nicelyr Last night at the Fillmore Miami Beach, you strutted out on stage, all Saturday Night Fever style, decked out in all white and beami... More >>

• An Open Letter to Hialeah: How to Defend Yourself Against Real Housewives

  published Mar 03, 2011

  Hey Hialeah, We know you're proud. We get it. And you have every right to be, but here's an idea: If you're going to defend yourself against a classless comment made by a cast member on The Real House... More >>

• Ten Things Pets Would Do If They Had Thumbs (PHOTOS)

  published Mar 03, 2011

  Why do we love Dogs Playing Poker and Spaghetti Catr Because we think it's funny when inferior animals try to mimic our superior human ways. Especially when they're trying to do things that require a... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Wanda Sykes on Louis C.K., Hillbillies, and Hookers

  published Mar 02, 2011

  She's hard to watch, is a doody-head, and you can smell her B.O. through a television screen. Syke! Okay, now that we've got all the third graders' attention, let's talk some Wanda Sykes. She looks as... More >>