Email Author Elyse Wanshel

Awards

• 2010 - Better Weekly Newspaper Awards/Florida Press Association

  Loon Over Miami

• 2009 - National Society of Newspaper Columnists, published December 25, 2008

  "Strippers XXXmas"

• 2009 - National Society of Newspaper Columnists, published October 23, 2008

  "Giant Chicken Clucks at Wynwood Gallery Walk"

• 2009 - National Society of Newspaper Columnists, published April 10, 2008

  "Pregnant Pause"

• 2009 - Sunshine State Awards/South Florida Society of Professional Journalists, published April 10, 2008

  "Pregnant Pause"

More

2011 Stories by Elyse Wanshel

• 

  FEATURED STORY

  Ten Slutty Halloween Costumes for Your Pet

  published Oct 20, 2011

  If Miss Piggy taught us anything, it's that animals are horny. Lions lick their own balls, puppies hump your leg, and visiting Monkey Jungle is like walking into an orgy. Birds do it, bees do it, and ... More >>

• 

  FEATURED STORY

  Five and Half Inappropriate Couples Costumes for Halloween

  published Oct 12, 2011

  A Halloween costume can highlight your creativity, intelligence, or how well your breasts heal post-op. And when you're in a relationship, a cleverly themed couple's costume can show the world how sol... More >>

• 

  FEATURED STORY

  Five Dead Celeb Sex Tapes We'd Rather See Than Tupac's

  published Oct 10, 2011

  The busiest dead man in the rap game, Tupac Shakur, released his very first sex tape. Because corpses want reality shows too. Unlike the leaked sex tapes of yesteryear, Tupac's is not all golden showe... More >>

• 

  FEATURED STORY

  Girls Gone Wild Girl and Ten Other Halloween Costumes Inspired by '90s TV

  published Oct 05, 2011

  Most women enjoy being a slutty pirate, a slutty princess, or a slutty slut for Halloween. But what about the real slutsr Is it really fair for them to get off work at the boobie bar, in their work ta... More >>

• Terribly Girly Offers Halloween-Themed Pin-up Photo Shoot

  published Oct 03, 2011

  Most of us have been called a witch, a pussy, or El Diablo at least once in our lives. And don't deny it either, because if you're reading this blog, you've probably been called all three of these thi... More >>

• 

  FEATURED STORY

  New Charlie's Angels: More Girl Power Than Jiggle-Fest

  published Sep 23, 2011

  A Charlie's Angels reboot set in Miami could easily be a straight-up jiggle-fest. Don't images of Farrah Fawcett's iconic red, one-piece or Cameron Diaz romping around half naked, sweep through your s... More >>

• Twelve Adorably Fat Animals in Honor of Elephant Appreciation Day

  published Sep 22, 2011

  Dumbo needs to get his drink on tonight, because today is Elephant Appreciation Day. And, man, do we appreciate this massive mammal. We don't want to hear any noise about hiccups or creepy hallucinati... More >>

• Top Ten Romantic Revenge Songs

  published Sep 22, 2011

  Today is Dave Coulier's birthday. And unless you've been hiding out in the Tanner's basement with Jodie Sweetin and a meth pipe for the last two decades, you oughta know that Alanis Morissette's bigge... More >>

• Ten Hot Firecrotches in Honor of Prince Harry's 27th Birthday

  published Sep 15, 2011

  Princess Di and Charlesr Pssh. Apollo must have screwed a lady-dragon in a volcano filled with overcooked Hot Pockets, because there's no other explanation as to why Prince Harry is so sizzling. We me... More >>

• Ten Cringeworthy Tweets From 17-Year-Old Child Bride Courtney Stodden

  published Aug 31, 2011

  Courtney Stodden, the child bride of 51-year-old Doug Hutchison (who played the gross correctional officer in The Green Mile, Toons from The X-Files, and Horace Goodspeed from Lost) just celebrated he... More >>

• Ten Movies That Will Make You Wish You Were Back in High School

  published Aug 30, 2011

  With kids going back to school this week, we adults have one, and only one thought: We hope you're learning something because traffic totally sucks. And it doesn't just suck because there are more par... More >>

• Happy Birthday, Billy Ray Cyrus! We Salute You With 25 Amazing Mullets

  published Aug 25, 2011

  Well, throw your daughter on a stripper pole y'all, cause some hootin' n hollarin' is in order today. Especially if you're Billy Ray Cyrus -- and no, not because his son knocked up a 23 year-old produ... More >>

• In Honor of PETA Porn, the Five Sexiest Fruits and Vegetables

  published Aug 25, 2011

  PETA -- People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals -- obviously doesn't care about the ethical treatment of human eyeballs because they've decided to mix images of animal torture with porn. Yes, porn... More >>

• 

  FEATURED STORY

  Survival Tips for Marysol Patton When She Embarks on Real Housewives Tour

  published Aug 23, 2011

  If you slapped bikinis on Real Housewives NeNe Leakes, Jill Zarin, and Melissa Gorga, shoved them into an inflatable kiddie pool full of jello, and told them to wrestle, who do you think would end up ... More >>

• Six Nasty Dance Moves We'd Like to See in the Dirty Dancing Remake (Videos)

  published Aug 18, 2011

  If Dirty Dancing and its televised inbred second cousin, Dancing With the Stars, has taught us anything, it's that (1) a nose job can totally homogenize Jennifer Grey's once-unique face, and (2) ... More >>

• Five Adorable Animals Who Need a Book Deal

  published Aug 05, 2011

  Time to set aside that tween novel about a star-crossed necrophiliac /zombie couple (destined to a life of yearning stares thanks to one's need to be alive and the other's need for human brains) that ... More >>

• 

  FEATURED STORY

  Bras on Things That Don't Wear Bras

  published Jul 27, 2011

  Today is hump day! Yay! And what does that meanr Well, if you're a normal member of society, it could just mean that it's the middle of the work week creating a peak, or rather a hump, smack dab in th... More >>

• Seven Hot GILFs in Honor of Gorgeous Grandma Day

  published Jul 25, 2011

  Liver spots, colostomy bags, and Metamucil-breath. There are just so many things that can make a memaw beautiful. But according to gorgeousgrandma.com which declared last Saturday Gorgeous Grandma Day... More >>

• ABC's Charlie's Angels Holds Yet Another Casting Call for South Florida Extras

  published Jul 15, 2011

  Are you a toothy blond with straight up love for red, one-piece bathing suitsr Or perhaps you're a sexy ninja-like brunette with dreams of launching your own clothing line at K-Mart. Or maybe, just ma... More >>

• The Seven Stupidest Things You Can Do to Celebrate National Nude Day

  published Jul 14, 2011

  Any asshole can streak. Any hippie can get au naturel for a still-life drawing class. And any shameless baby-boomer with a gut so large he has no idea he's playing hacky-sack with his own nuts ca... More >>

• 

  FEATURED STORY

  Who Should Play Casey Anthony in the Inevitable Lifetime Original Movier

  published Jul 06, 2011

  Sociopathic brat Casey Anthony was found not guilty yesterday. And because it tastes like chloroform, it's a hard verdict to swallow. Anthony's multitude of lies and visible ambivalence towards the st... More >>

• Comedy Central Announces Charlie Sheen as Their Next Roastee

  published Jul 05, 2011

  Drunkenly eating a cheeseburger got The Hoff one, dating Sly Stalone's ex got Foofy-Foo one, and doing a blond brigade of future ex wives got Huge Hefner one, so, why wouldn't tiger blood and goddesse... More >>

• Q&A with Sonya Thompson, a Professional Zombie. Coolest Job Everr

  published Jul 01, 2011

  What exactly is a professional zombier No, not Larry King -- meet Sonya Thompson, zombie impersonator extraordinaire for the arts. And by the arts we mean TV and movies, but we're sure Cindy Sherman, ... More >>

• Having Trouble Getting into the Casey Anthony Trialr Try These Wrestling Moves

  published Jun 21, 2011

  Oh, Orlando, good thing you've got your beautiful lakes. Otherwise you'd be cage fighting Ocala for the title of Florida's Official Crotch Wart. And speaking of a nasty, unexplainable rash that won't ... More >>

• Ten Hot Guys Who Keep Trying to Ugly Themselves Up

  published Jun 20, 2011

  Crack heads are frying the eggs of rogue sacrificial chickens on the sidewalks, there's pit-stains galore, and your FPL bills are soaring ....Summer's officially here. And we bet you're doing anything... More >>