Email Author Elyse Wanshel

Awards

• 2010 - Better Weekly Newspaper Awards/Florida Press Association

  Loon Over Miami

• 2009 - National Society of Newspaper Columnists, published October 23, 2008

  "Giant Chicken Clucks at Wynwood Gallery Walk"

• 2009 - National Society of Newspaper Columnists, published April 10, 2008

  "Pregnant Pause"

• 2009 - Sunshine State Awards/South Florida Society of Professional Journalists, published April 10, 2008

  "Pregnant Pause"

• 2009 - National Society of Newspaper Columnists, published December 25, 2008

  "Strippers XXXmas"

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2011 Stories by Elyse Wanshel

• Five '90s Trends That Should Stay in the '90s

  published Feb 08, 2012

  Most of us remember the '90s as a magical time. It's partly because we were younger then, and we don't like this whole "aging" thing. But it's also because the last decade of the 20th Century was hell More >>

• Nine Un-Sexy "Hey Girl" Ryan Gosling Memes

  published Feb 07, 2012

  Women need very little to survive: food, water, and high-speed Internet access so they can peruse the gazillion images of Ryan Gosling that float around like meteoroids of pure hot in cyberspace. The More >>

• Five Tales of Office Nudity To Celebrate Working Naked Day

  published Feb 01, 2012

  Today is Working Naked Day! But don't get too excited. As much as you want the cute girl from accounting to know that you have a totally sweet tattoo of a hyena using nunchucks while surfing on the ba More >>

• Let's All Stop Pretending Baby Sloths Aren't Vile, Filthy Creatures, Okayr

  published Jan 30, 2012

  Up until recently sloths were known as only two things: 1) the super gross looking man-creature from The Goonies who Chunk befriends, and 2) the super-lazy-looking South American mammal with long, cre More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Seven Seriously Tragic Celebrity Commercials

  published Jan 27, 2012

  The state of Texas has bestowed upon this country many cultural delights: SXSW, phenomenal barbecue, and most importantly, Gary Busey. The man has the greatest set of teeth in history (they're perfect More >>

• Bacon Stops Nosebleeds, and Nine Other Incredible and Inedible Uses for Tasty Fried Pig

  published Jan 26, 2012

  People love themselves some bacon. They idolize it. Worship it. Some would probably inject it into their veins, if bacon heroin existed. And we're positive that there's a growing minority out there wh More >>

• Five Stars We Liked Better When They Were Fat

  published Jan 25, 2012

  Oh, Kirstie Alley! Maybe you lost 100 pounds since your stint on Dancing With the Stars last year, but no way in deep-fried-stick-of-butter hell are you a size 6 and 130 pounds. You may be well on you More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Nine Old Folks With Mad Hot Skills

  published Jan 19, 2012

  Old folks are kind of like monkeys. Not only do they occasionally sling their own poo for fun, but when they do something that normal humans do -- like a dance -- we find it entertaining/amazing/hilar More >>

• The Ten Most Embarrassing Wedding Proposal Fails

  published Jan 18, 2012

  Many a celeb rang in the New Year by putting a ring on it and getting engaged. Aretha Franklin got a sparkler from longtime beau William 'Willie' Wilkerson, local b-baller LeBron James finally decided More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Ten Slutty Halloween Costumes for Your Pet

  published Oct 20, 2011

  If Miss Piggy taught us anything, it's that animals are horny. Lions lick their own balls, puppies hump your leg, and visiting Monkey Jungle is like walking into an orgy. Birds do it, bees do it, and More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Five and Half Inappropriate Couples Costumes for Halloween

  published Oct 12, 2011

  A Halloween costume can highlight your creativity, intelligence, or how well your breasts heal post-op. And when you're in a relationship, a cleverly themed couple's costume can show the world how sol More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Five Dead Celeb Sex Tapes We'd Rather See Than Tupac's

  published Oct 10, 2011

  The busiest dead man in the rap game, Tupac Shakur, released his very first sex tape. Because corpses want reality shows too. Unlike the leaked sex tapes of yesteryear, Tupac's is not all golden showe More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Girls Gone Wild Girl and Ten Other Halloween Costumes Inspired by '90s TV

  published Oct 05, 2011

  Most women enjoy being a slutty pirate, a slutty princess, or a slutty slut for Halloween. But what about the real slutsr Is it really fair for them to get off work at the boobie bar, in their work ta More >>

• Terribly Girly Offers Halloween-Themed Pin-up Photo Shoot

  published Oct 03, 2011

  Most of us have been called a witch, a pussy, or El Diablo at least once in our lives. And don't deny it either, because if you're reading this blog, you've probably been called all three of these thi More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  New Charlie's Angels: More Girl Power Than Jiggle-Fest

  published Sep 23, 2011

  A Charlie's Angels reboot set in Miami could easily be a straight-up jiggle-fest. Don't images of Farrah Fawcett's iconic red, one-piece or Cameron Diaz romping around half naked, sweep through your s More >>

• Twelve Adorably Fat Animals in Honor of Elephant Appreciation Day

  published Sep 22, 2011

  Dumbo needs to get his drink on tonight, because today is Elephant Appreciation Day. And, man, do we appreciate this massive mammal. We don't want to hear any noise about hiccups or creepy hallucinati More >>

• Top Ten Romantic Revenge Songs

  published Sep 22, 2011

  Today is Dave Coulier's birthday. And unless you've been hiding out in the Tanner's basement with Jodie Sweetin and a meth pipe for the last two decades, you oughta know that Alanis Morissette's bigge More >>

• Ten Hot Firecrotches in Honor of Prince Harry's 27th Birthday

  published Sep 15, 2011

  Princess Di and Charlesr Pssh. Apollo must have screwed a lady-dragon in a volcano filled with overcooked Hot Pockets, because there's no other explanation as to why Prince Harry is so sizzling. We me More >>

• Ten Cringeworthy Tweets From 17-Year-Old Child Bride Courtney Stodden

  published Aug 31, 2011

  Courtney Stodden, the child bride of 51-year-old Doug Hutchison (who played the gross correctional officer in The Green Mile, Toons from The X-Files, and Horace Goodspeed from Lost) just celebrated he More >>

• Ten Movies That Will Make You Wish You Were Back in High School

  published Aug 30, 2011

  With kids going back to school this week, we adults have one, and only one thought: We hope you're learning something because traffic totally sucks. And it doesn't just suck because there are more par More >>

• Happy Birthday, Billy Ray Cyrus! We Salute You With 25 Amazing Mullets

  published Aug 25, 2011

  Well, throw your daughter on a stripper pole y'all, cause some hootin' n hollarin' is in order today. Especially if you're Billy Ray Cyrus -- and no, not because his son knocked up a 23 year-old produ More >>

• In Honor of PETA Porn, the Five Sexiest Fruits and Vegetables

  published Aug 25, 2011

  PETA -- People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals -- obviously doesn't care about the ethical treatment of human eyeballs because they've decided to mix images of animal torture with porn. Yes, porn More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Survival Tips for Marysol Patton When She Embarks on Real Housewives Tour

  published Aug 23, 2011

  If you slapped bikinis on Real Housewives NeNe Leakes, Jill Zarin, and Melissa Gorga, shoved them into an inflatable kiddie pool full of jello, and told them to wrestle, who do you think would end up More >>

• Six Nasty Dance Moves We'd Like to See in the Dirty Dancing Remake (Videos)

  published Aug 18, 2011

  If Dirty Dancing and its televised inbred second cousin, Dancing With the Stars, has taught us anything, it's that (1) a nose job can totally homogenize Jennifer Grey's once-unique face, and (2) More >>

• Five Adorable Animals Who Need a Book Deal

  published Aug 05, 2011

  Time to set aside that tween novel about a star-crossed necrophiliac /zombie couple (destined to a life of yearning stares thanks to one's need to be alive and the other's need for human brains) that More >>