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  • 2013 - AAN AltWeekly Awards


2009 Stories by Chris Joseph

Archives: 2014 | 2012 | 2011 | 2010 | 2009 | 2008 | 2007
  • Foot Parade

    published July 9, 2009

    Next time you find yourself hankerin’ to catch a local sporting event, maybe you should consider soccer. Sure, the Marlins seem like the only... More >>

  • Bend 'Em Like Benjamin Franklin

    published July 2, 2009

    Upon signing the Declaration of Independence, John Adams proclaimed the nation would celebrate the occasion every year with fireworks and soccer.... More >>

  • I’m the Ross

    published June 25, 2009

    The Florida Marlins’ favorite victims, the Washington Nationals, are in town this week. And you could not ask for a better... More >>

  • Searching for Answers

    published June 4, 2009

    The Florida Marlins are crapping the proverbial bed. We know this. But let’s recap anyway. The starting pitching has gone from having... More >>

  • Reality Check

    published May 28, 2009

    Just a few weeks ago, Florida Marlins fans were dreaming of glory and champagne showers, only to watch those dreams slowly devolve as our... More >>

  • The Other Ramirez

    published May 14, 2009

    Just a few weeks ago, the Florida Marlins pitching staff was being called the best in baseball. Now they might as well be called... More >>

  • Florida Flounder

    published May 7, 2009

    The Florida Marlins began the season focused and determined every game. Lately, however, they just seem to be scanning the bleachers for... More >>

  • It’s a Bear Market for Baseball

    published April 30, 2009

    With the economy in the toilet and job loss rates at an all-time high, your hometown Florida Marlins seem to be perfectly built for our... More >>

  • Who Ordered the Marlin Roll?

    published April 23, 2009

    The Florida Marlins have come out of the gates firing on all cylinders. They absolutely leveled the Nationals in an opening series sweep... More >>

  • It’s All About the Seeding

    published April 9, 2009

    Looks like your Miami Heat is playoff bound. That’s the good news. Now these final three games are about playoff seedings, which could... More >>

  • Catch a Fish Thiiiiis Big

    published April 2, 2009

    Deep-sea fishing, great food, live music, and cash prizes. This is what God invented South Florida for. The 2009 Yamaha Contender Miami... More >>

  • Ball to the Future

    published March 26, 2009

    Today’s NBA stars can leave us jaded, what with their millions and their giant egos and their incessant Twittering and their unfunny... More >>

  • Get in on the Madness

    published March 19, 2009

    Two weeks. Thirteen cities. Sixty-five teams. One champion. March Madness is the most exciting tournament in all of sports and it’s getting... More >>

  • His Blood Is Like Gatorade

    published March 12, 2009

    The Knicks were simply dominating the Miami Heat — crashing the boards, hitting their shots, playing shutdown defense. New York was... More >>

  • Forward Thinking

    published March 5, 2009

    Most Miami Heat fans were hoping that in his quest to land a proven veteran post presence, Pat Riley wouldn’t sacrifice the future... More >>

  • Crash Your Glasses

    published February 26, 2009

    Your ripped jeans and potty mouth have always made you feel a bit out of place at the über-elegant Biltmore Hotel. With lush tropical gardens... More >>

  • Clash of the Titans

    published February 26, 2009

    There’s something about having the two best basketball players in the universe facing off on the same court. The ’70s had Dr. J and... More >>

  • Duel of the Guards

    published February 12, 2009

    The Minnesota Timberwolves no longer have Kevin Garnett — if you remember, they gave him away to the Celtics for a Larry... More >>

  • Autographs, Billy the Marlin, and Mermaids, Oh My!

    published February 5, 2009

    It’s that time of year again. Pitchers and catchers are getting ready to report to the field, and the crackling sound of batting cages and... More >>

  • The Inexorable One

    published February 5, 2009

    For a while, it seemed as if the feisty Charlotte Bobcats just flat-out had the Miami Heat’s number. The Cats had taken down... More >>

  • Blown Call

    published January 29, 2009

    The last time the Miami Heat faced the Los Angeles Clippers, it fell to the league’s bottom dwellers by a score of 97-96. A... More >>

  • Streak Busters

    published January 22, 2009

    Miami Heat versus Orlando Magic has been one of the hottest in-state rivalries in the NBA, if you can call one team thoroughly dominating the... More >>

  • Joe Six-Pack Spirit

    published January 15, 2009

    Last season, the Florida Marlins introduced the first Major League Baseball all-male dance squad. That in and of itself would be unique.... More >>

  • Kicking the Nets in the Balls

    published January 1, 2009

    When the Miami Heat faced off against the New Jersey Nets two weeks ago, Dwyane Wade matched a season high by pouring in 43 points on Dirty... More >>

  • The Cheap Seats

    published January 1, 2009

    The BSC Bowl Championship series kicks off with the 2009 FedEx Orange Bowl at Dolphin Stadium. And you could not ask for a crappier matchup... More >>

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