Why Stop at Stadiums? Four More Tax-Funded Buildings That Could House the Homeless
With the newfound revelation of a state law requiring tax-funded stadiums to house homeless citizens when not in use, just about everyone is thinking the same thing: "LOL WTF?"
Team owners have long striven to ignore this obscure law (when they're not tied up counting their white cotton sacs of money with green dollar sign logos and twirling their comically long mustaches, that is). But now that the cat is out of the bag, it seems as if the newly-created Grand Central Park won't have to worry about homeless dudes dropping deuces on its hallowed ground, because they'll be doing so at the American Airlines Arena. You know, the same place it costs $40 to watch Wade alley-oop to LeBron from the nosebleed sections. That's not even counting the sherpa's fee to get you there.
Stadiums and arenas seem like a dumb place to house the homeless for a lot of reasons. So at what other stupid-ass places can we have the homeless spend a few nights instead?
Dollhouse Dance Factory: Bring It! Live
TicketsSat., Jul. 1, 8:00pm
TicketsSat., Jul. 8, 8:30pm
You're a Good Man Charlie Brown: Young Professionals
TicketsSat., Jul. 15, 2:00pm
Big Band Concerts with the Florida Wind Symphony
TicketsSat., Jul. 15, 7:00pm
Miami Curves Week Presents: Curves & Comedy
TicketsFri., Jul. 21, 9:00pm
the arenas, it's also a tax-funded building, and after 6 p.m., it becomes a
goddamn wasteland anyway. So why not let the homeless run amok in the courthouse?
Since it's Miami, we could also have MTV set up some cameras and create a
new reality show out of it. Something with an uncreative name, as is MTV's trademark, like Miami Hobos. This plan has the added benefit
of ensuring that any homeless person breaking a law in this tax-funded
building can be tried and prosecuted the very next morning. Then we can
move them into another tax-funded building: jail!
Why it's a terrible idea
sure it would be a bitch to have to roll out cots and blankets every
day, plus employing plenty of security to keep an eye on potential
damage/theft. Then there's the smell. Oh god, the smell.Next Page
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Miami, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.