Why Jews and Cubans Shouldn't Smoke Weed on 4/20 and Other Buzzkills

Come this Wednesday you may be inclined to put on your snappiest black-light friendly Snuggie, dim the lights, softly play Bob Marley's Legend, and eat Funyuns wrapped inside of Fruit Roll-ups with a side of pickles and Mountain Dew. Or if you're a less festive pot head, you may have just realized that 4/20 -- the International Day of Weed -- is this Wednesday and, well, whatever. To celebrate, you'll dump the Coca-Cola-colored bong water out of your favorite bong (Reefer Sutherland) and replace it with fresh water and ice cubes. And if you don't smoke the sweet, sweet ganga, the idea of 4/20 seems straight up silly. And really it is. Stoners will smoke regardless of the day. Really, it's just an excuse to give that pot brownie recipe you can't quite tackle (I think I got stoned last year) another shot.

But before you put on your favorite pair of hemp oven mitts, maybe you should think twice about smoking at all on 4/20. A few not-so-celebratory events in recent history have occurred on April 20th that are major buzzkills. So if you're a 4/20 enthusiast who happens to be Jewish or Cuban -- or you're a happy-go-lucky, ignorance-is-bliss kind of blitzer -- the next page may change your perspective, bro.

It's Hitler's Birthday

...

Yup, it's the day that that frustrated artist with a funny mustache, an ardent hatred towards Jews, and dreams of world domination was born. We could make a terrible joke about buying weed in the ghetto or use the word 'ash' as a pun, but instead we'll be highbrow (okay, more like middlebrow) and opt for two more hard-hitting facts - it's also the birthday of Jessica Lange (1949), Carmen Electra (1972), and Joey Lawrence (1976) -- Whoah! -- who, in our opinions, should all legally be able to smoke whatever the hell they want on their birthday. How else are they going to ease the pain having to share their birthday with the evilest man in history?

It's The Day of the Columbine Massacre

...

Do you want to honor that tragic day back in 1999 when two immature trench-coated goths, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, walked into their high school in Columbine, Colorado and randomly shot down12  students, one teacher, injured 21 people, and committed suicide by sparking up a blunt? Bowling for Columbine was a cool movie and all, but Rolling a Dutch for Columbine? Not so much.

It's the Day That Laughter Died...

Okay, not really, we're being a little dramatic. But it is the day that the British comedian and lover of a good lady-chase, Benny Hill, died back in 1992. Which kind of sucks because a video like this is pretty fun to watch when you're high....sad, but funny:

It's L. Ron Hubbard Exhibition Day...

According to the Church's official website, Scientologists celebrate April 20th because it marks the blessed day back in 1991 when the "L. Ron Hubbard Life

Exhibition" in Hollywood, California was opened. And what exactly is L. Ron Hubbard Life

Exhibition? It's basically a museum/shrine to to the man who parlayed a career in writing science fiction into the world's creepiest most confusing religion. It was difficult to grasp what the hell this museum was really like through the Church's website, so, we decided to check out some past-vistors' reviews. Here's a gem we found by a Javier J. :

"But the thing that made this tour so worth it was the finale. They walked us to a curtained wall which unveiled to a display of all the awards Lafayette Ron Hubbard received.

Then that wall opens up to show more awards... then that wall opens up to show more... and as the award music plays and the spotlights keep moving the final wall panel is revealed to be a huge picture of Lafayette Ron Hubbard.

A shrine upon all shrines that I could not believe. It was like a sort of Disneyland attraction in how over the top it was. It was hard for me to not chuckle at it."

Yup, you read it. Back in 1961, 4/20 was the day many a Cuban became a Republican... which led us to the creation of Marco Rubio. Which, we know, makes it even more difficult not to smoke.

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.