What to Do When Your Boyfriend's Best Friend Hates You

Sex, love, relationship advice from a professional dominatrix. Got questions? Drop an email to askadomme@miaminewtimes.com, you naughty boys and girls. Read more about Mistress Lera at Notes From a Miami Dominatrix

Recently, I found out that this woman, my boyfriend's best friend, has been talking trash about me behind my back to her friends and her fiancee. Funny thing is, she doesn't even know me at all. We briefly spoke on the phone and only met a couple of times. What angers me most is that my boyfriend considers that petty bitch his best and only friend. He said if I don't behave, he'll break up with me because he's known her longer, and she was there for him through thick and thin. (Like I wasn't?) I know she's secretly in love with my boyfriend, even he acknowledges it. What should I do? How do I handle this?


Upset Girl

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Damn girl! I think you're seriously confusing me with Salon's advice columnist Cary Tennis who actually gives a shit about people's problems. But since this doleful letter ended up in my inbox, I am obliged to reply, so I'll try to be as understanding as I can be.

First of all, take a deep breath and calm the fuck down. You know exactly why this woman dislikes you. You said it yourself -- she's in love with your boyfriend. She's angry that you have him and she doesn't. It's that simple. Girls can get very territorial. Her tiny little brain is probably telling her that she was there first and she should be with him, not some slut who popped out of nowhere. I mean, how dare you steal him away from her. She knew him longer! And of course she wouldn't say anything to your face. She wants to keep your boyfriend close, just in case you two split sometime soon.

Secondly, I want you to know that your boyfriend is a vain little prick who enjoys the fact that two women hate each other because of him. His threats that he will end it are harmless and infantile.

Be above it all, and ignore that miserable shit-wringing turd. She's not worth your time.

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