Thanks to Jennifer Love Hewitt, we know that when one vajazzles it's the fine art of bedazzling one's vajayjay. So what's Tajazzle? Well, it a three-part system that combines the act of adorning one's lady business with keeping dry and tasting delicious. Yeah.
And thanks to Gawker we got our hands on a Tajazzling infomercial that not only proves that dudes love sparkle (I mean, check out the guy at the 5:06 mark, he's so sexually overwhelmed by a crystal butterfly glued to his lover's ass that he forgets how to kiss properly) but it also made us want hit the bottle. Hard.
Taking cue from our initial instinct, we've decided to make a drinking game out of this phenomenal piece of capitalistic fuckery. Rules are below and remember, please don't ever tajazzle and drive.
• A computer
• Bottle of tequila (lime and salt can be added...if you're weak)
• A strong stomach and a sense of humor
• A baby that no one loves
Take 1 Shot Whenever....
• Some slutty-slutty-slutbag reveals her sexy secret in public (i.e. a silver bedazzled heart of butterfly on a beach or at the gym)
• The words confidence, delicious, lover, glamorous, honey, or goddess is used.
• A blonde plays with her hair (i.e. twirls it, shoves it behind her ear, or seductively flings it around in the wind)
• Someone caresses their own or someone else's chest
• Slow motion is used
Take 2 Shots Whenever....
• More than two people at a time are doing a bicep or tricep curl. If more than two people are featured, do an additional shot for each.
• You ponder whether or not a faceless bikini model is actually a biological female.
• The phrase "This is a paid advertisement for Infomercial USA" flashes on the screen.
• A dangling, unexplainable chain appears in the upright corner of the screen.
• Someone appears to be a graduate of the Keanu Reeves School of Acting (we're looking at you, brunette at the 4:13 mark)
• You see a blue-, red-, or green-colored martini.
Spin in a circle, like a pretty, pretty princess (or Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music) Whenever....
• A sparkly special effect graces the screen. And if the sound of glitter is included in the graphic, make sure to flash some jazz hands. Failure to do this gives any other member of the game the permission to smack you upside the head.
Also, take another shot.
Take a swig of mouthwash after (because surely, you'll vomit)....
• They use the word taste.
• You see someone place the product on their toes.
• They reveal the price of this product...even after the cut backs.
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Punch a baby whenever....
• Someone actually considers buying or using this product.