Ultra Music Festival Is a Great First Date Idea, According to Sleazy MissTravel.com Website
At about this time last year, the entire Internet-watching world was having a huge laugh at one very wasted Ultra Music Fest party girl having, well, a full-blown romance with a tree. She snuggled that tree. She kissed that tree. At one point, the tree got a little too fresh for her liking, and she slapped that tree right across its sassy tree face.
That video apparently made a big impression upon users of MissTravel.com, a dating website that provides rich men with sexy young lady companions. The girls get to see the world on extravagant dates in far-flung locals. And the men get, uh, "companionship."
In a recent survey, MissTravel.com members chose Ultra Music Festival as one of the top ten most preferred music festivals for a first date. Let's break that down for you more clearly: This website, which encourages men to give women expensive things in the hope of getting laid, is a big fan of the drug-saturated party scene at Ultra. Are you creeped out yet?
Dollhouse Dance Factory: Bring It! Live
TicketsSat., Jul. 1, 8:00pm
TicketsSat., Jul. 8, 8:30pm
You're a Good Man Charlie Brown: Young Professionals
TicketsSat., Jul. 15, 2:00pm
Big Band Concerts with the Florida Wind Symphony
TicketsSat., Jul. 15, 7:00pm
Miami Curves Week Presents: Curves & Comedy
TicketsFri., Jul. 21, 9:00pm
"Music brings people together, and experiencing something you are both so passionate about creates such a strong bond between two people," said Brandon Wade, founder and CEO of MissTravel.com, in a statement. "Think of all the stories people still tell about Woodstock, many of them involving people they met or fell in love with there."
First of all, for every story about a couple falling in love at Woodstock, there's a story about a sketchy sexual encounter in the back of a VW bus.
Secondly, is it at all possible to fall in love at Ultra? One assumes you'd have to be able to talk to the person standing next to you, speaking in sentences more complex than "This is awesome, bro!" You'd have to stay focused on that person despite the giant crowds filled with glittery, neon, flashing fashion, including women wearing pot leaves as pasties. That's hard enough if you're sober, let alone if you've "found Molly," as the kids (and their t-shirts, and their signs) so cleverly say.
No, it's safe to say that MissTravel.com members are not looking for love at Ultra. They're looking for hot chicks, drugs, and an easy score. You know, just like everyone else.
Here's the full list of MissTravel.com's favorite festivals:
1. Coachella (Indio, CA)
2. South By Southwest (Austin, TX)
3. Lollapalooza (Chicago, IL)
4. Warped Tour (Traveling)
5. Bonnaroo (Manchester, TN)
6. Austin City Limits (Austin, TX)
7. Summerfest (Milwaukee, WI)
8. iHeartRadio Music Fest (Las Vegas, NV)
9. Ultra (Miami, FL)
10. Electric Daisy Carnival (Traveling)
Follow Ciara LaVelle on Twitter @ciaralavelle.
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