If you're a little confused as to why we've only been watching Tough Love Miami for two weeks, but are already are on episode three, let us explain. Last week there were two episodes, remember? Now, lets move on.
We realized why the show exists, and why it's in its third successful season. It's like Sesame Street for women: you learn shit watching Tough Love. In the first five minutes, we were taught that you don't leave your copy of He's Just Not That into You lying around, and do your best not to own more make-up than a drag queen. Oh, and if your heels look like something a stripper would wear, people are going to think your coworkers are a pole, a g-string, and loose dollar bills.
Speaking of hating on the girls and their belongings, has anyone else noticed how big of a mama's boy Steve Ward is? We're not going to lie, we think he is attractive. And yes, we would even make sweet, tough love to him. But this man has never had a season without his mom making an appearance or 12. And why is it that all matchmakers are single (Cough, cough Patti Stanger)?
On last night's episode three, the ladies get makeovers. As a fan of reality shows--yes we watch a lot of them--we know that makeovers usually come later in the season, but of course, Tough Love wanted to get shit started.
Most of the ladies had mild changes like less make-up and a new 'do, but a few got fully redone. We thought Christine, AKA Miss Iowa, was going to loose her mind when she had her hair extensions taken away and was forced into a two piece. But we get why she so upset, those highlights were tragic.
When it came time for group, our Miami girl, Jane, was voted the most successful one of the week, and we couldn't agree more. Those extensions really did make her look fierce. But she was really the only one who wasn't a hot mess. At the pool party, Avonte was her typical angry self. Michelle was dry humping her date in the water and Steve noticed all of it.
But none of that compared to the worst of them all, Brigette. Where do we start with that girl?
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We can only compare her desperation to a homeless man digging through the trash for a sandwich. She began the episode crying due the fact she had no make-up on at the salon. Girl, we will give you something to cry about.
Then she went from sad to sexual, and began hitting on her hairdresser. If you're going to hit on a man, we don't suggest doing it with a man who does your hair. Along with getting drunk and making out with her date in public all day long at the pool party, she then informed Steve that he isn't wrong when he thinks she is desperate. Honestly, "pulling a Brigette" is just a way of life for her. And next week, her new beau asks her for her ring size. Oh God, get ready people.