For fashion designers, there is no winning or losing -- only moments in style. Sometimes, they're bravo moments, followed by a standing ovation. But, sadly, sometimes they're WTF moments that bomb the runways. And during last weekend's Miami Fashion Week, the WTF moments were anything but pardoned from the international smorgasbord of fashion shows.
Cultist was there to absorb all the juicy mess-ups. Here are the top ten WTF moments during Miami Fashion. But before we continue, it's important to note: These designers aren't bad people. They just made some bad decisions, and really should consider firing their stylists.
As far as technicality goes, this collection boasting practical resort wear couldn't have been more perfect. There was a breezy air about it. Unfortunately, the air turned into a violent wind upon the sight of this scarecrow top hat. Hasn't Pharrell received enough flack from this kind of stunt? And those pompoms certainly don't remedy this Vivienne Westwood look-a-like either. Give it a rest already.
9. Stella Jean
Unlike our other contenders topping this outrageous list of tragic fails, this moment had us saying WTF because of how much we loved it. Seriously, how crazy good is this retro-inspired collection by Haitian-Italian designer Stella Jean? WTF -- how the hell do those prints work so well together? And that gargantuous head wrap with that ridiculously huge pendulum necklace - blimey, it's fucking awesome! It's that kind of moment.
The Argentine brand Cosecha displayed a decent collection of heavenly crochet pieces all hailing from the kingdom of white. Were the lily-pad headbands that accompanied every look down the encircled runway a bit of an overkill? Sure they were. But perhaps the biggest perpetrator was the finale look mirroring the likes of one soggy banana tree. Correction: it's not what the fuck, it's why the fuck?
7. Cuarto Colorado
Doesn't Cuarto Colorado know it's bad luck to open an umbrella indoors? Guess not. Individually, the pieces could have been something great. The printed nylon jackets had just the right amount of swag swing to them and once you got past the whole too-busy-of-a-print-to-be-on-an-umbrella shock, the umbrellas weren't half bad either. But when paired all together, the combo brought out only the fiercest of migraines. And to top off the matchy-matchy assembles of screaming prints, matching rain boots were thrown into the mix. It was like a really bad JC Penny commercial brought to life. Make it stop.
6. Andres Sarda
His line oozed all sorts of sex: classy sex, raunchy sex, wild sex, Vegas sex - you name it. The collection ranged from deep pink and pine green fringed bralettes with matching high-waisted bloomers, to the most delicate laces exulting a very Mademoiselle Provocateur sensuality. It was glorious. What wasn't glorious, however, were the Big Bird leg warmers that puffed up on the models' otherwise skinny legs (they come in black and a jarring pink). There's no doubt that Vegas Show Girls was the theme of this burlesque runway show, but since when did Sesame Street have anything to do with that?
5. Trouble in Pop-up Shop Paradise
In between shows, we had the opportunity to meander through the countless pop-up shops that permeated the premises of the Miami Beach Convention Center. While coasting, we came across one particular pop-up shop (whose name remains classified) with some unsightly looking gowns to which spoke wonders of acid trips and better days at Woodstock '69. Rummaging through the gowns that were splattered with tie-dye paints of oranges, yellows, and aquas could only be summarized with one solid phrase - What.The.Fuck?
4. Claudia Bertolero
The wide brimmed hats were the unfortunate bystander-turned-accessory of this crime scene. All we could think about while this look came down the runway was "bee-keeper, bee-keeper, bee-keeper." Sadly, there was no jar of honey in tow of this stinging look by Claudia Bertolero. We felt betrayed.
3. Petit Pois by Viviana G.
Though the Viviana G. show finished with the perfect amount of slutty chic, matching its models' draggy, Marie-Antoinette hair and makeup, it didn't start out that way. Styling above the neck read RuPaul's Drag Race fabulosity, but the clothes themselves seemed to scold, "Quiet, this is a library for crissakes." (Luckily, the show progressively spiced up midway.)
2. Samy Gicherman
Save for a handful of pieces, Samy Gicherman squeezed out loads of cheese. Maybe it was that shredded, fringed number with the fur collar and coral lace skirt that caused us to scratch our head in bewilderment. Or perhaps it was the ill-fitted purple lace dress that had a slew of Michael's fanciest "silk" flowers pasted on there like some sort of a third grade arts and crafts project due before recess? Good in theory, but poorly executed.
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1. Kerplunk During the Yamamay Swimwear Show
Not all "WTF" moments happen on the runway. During the first half of the repetitive collection jaunting down the Yamamay runway, a man seated in the front row blacked out and face-planted on the looped-style carpet. Gasps and pointed fingers blitzed the room. The man suddenly regained consciousness as security guards helped him stand back up, insisting he was okay -- but he did earn a very intense rug-burn smeared on his right cheekbone.
Meanwhile, the models continued to prance, straight-faced and all. That's a WTF-level dedication to being professional, ladies.