It's Friday and we're in a gay mood, our gayety buoyed by the fact that we just got wind that "the gays" might be coming back to South Beach. Hooray! And we also can't help snickering at those NBA don't-use-the-word-gay commercials although NBA players let loose with gay epithets faster than the Heat blew that lead last night. Yup, looks like gay is in the news a lot these days. Gay.
And this is Miami, after all, so if something is gay we're happy about it. With the weekend upon us and with so much gay in the air, Cultist though we should capitalize on all this gayness by recommending some films that could help bridge the gap for those morons who still have problems with our gay brothers and sisters. In an effort to bring the gay and straight community together, we've compiled a list of very macho movies with some very homoerotic scenes. It's a good reminder that no matter how straight we are, there's always some gay in us, sometimes literally.
5. Chariots of Fire, The Whole Lot of Them
Not sure if it's because they're Brits, or if its those shirts that are so
neatly pressed and buttoned all the way the Adam's Apple, or maybe it's the skinny
mustaches, or just all those men running together and
splashing water and sand on one another, but something very homoerotic about this classic scene.
4. Top Gun, Tom Cruise, Anthony Edwards, Val Kilmer, and Rick Rossovich
The rumors of Tom Cruise being gay are long and hard, and true if you
believe the graffiti in Wynwood where they are filming Tom's latest Rock
of Ages, but we have no real evidence. Oh wait. Top Gun. There's plenty
of homoerotic scenes to choose from but our favorite is the volleyball
scene -- all those glistening bodies and Tom's tight jeans. Decide for
yourself. But Tom's not alone on this one, add to the fray Iceman (Val
Kilmer), Goose (Anthony Edwards), and Rick Rossovich.
3. Purple Rain, Prince and Morris Day
Prince rocked the ladies like nobody else in the '80s and '90s, but we'll
be damned if the dude didn't throw out more than a little of a
homoerotic vibe. This is a montage of scenes and though Prince and
Morris Day are competing for a girl (Vanity) we think
they'd do better if they ended up together. Watch closely how Morris
eye-screws Prince repeatedly. Can you blame him?
2. Sometimes a Great Notion, Paul Newman and Richard Jaekel
Spoiler Alert: This is one of the most heartbreaking scenes in movie
history. But there's also a lot of man love. Paul Newman tries to save
his friend from a horrible death, but ends up coming out to him. Not
really. There's a lesson here: not all that is gay is happy.
1. Rocky III Sylvester Stallone and Carl Weathers
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Maybe the most macho meathead in movie history, Rocky, shows his true
homoerotic colors in this montage with Apollo Creed. If his shorts were
any shorter, he'd be able to hit you with an uppercut using his penis.