Top Five Man-Whores in Film and Television History
Don Giovanni. photo credit: Karin Cooper
Mozart's two-act opera Don Giovanni, which opens this Saturday at the Arsht Center, tells the tale of the womanizing Don Giovanni and his conquest of women. That is, until he meets the Commendatore, the father of Donna Anna, a woman he tried to seduce. Don Giovanni kills the old man in a duel when he tries to defend his daughter's honor.
And because this is an opera, the Commendatore's ghost eventually haunts Don Giovanni and tries to make him change his philandering ways, while Donna Anna and her fiancé vow to avenge her father's death. So in Don Giovanni's honor, we present our top five womanizing man-whores in film and television.
1. James Bond
Bond. James Bond. Through the years, those words have gotten many ladies' panties clean off. Much like Don Draper (see number 3), it pays to have a cool-sounding name. James Bond not only knows how to woo women with his name but also knows how to order a martini, makes tuxedos look cool, can kick most men's asses in poker, and can make a sexual innuendo out of the most mundane conversation. Hot women ready to hop in the sack just gravitate to Bond (what are the odds of you meeting a hot chick named Pussy Galore?). Suave, handsome, debonair, and apparently ageless.
2. Captain Kirk
No matter how many women you claim to have slept with on no matter how many continents, Capt. James T. Kirk still has your punkass beat. Kirk has bagged women from different solar systems, planets, and even time periods. He has diddled blond bombshells, luscious redheads, and even green-skinned broads. Dude has truly gone where no man has gone before. It also doesn't hurt that he's always the coolest guy in the room and that he commands a nuclear-powered vessel that can travel at warp speed through time and space, which pretty much beats the shit out of your ride any day. James Tiberius Kirk, captain of the Starship Enterprise, and captain of women's pants everywhere.
3. Don Draper
As soon as Dick Whitman became Don Draper, he went from a lonely, timid Korean War vet to a cool-as-shit whiskey-drinking ad man. It also helps to look like Jon Hamm. But the point is, Don Draper's stoic, silent, sometimes dickish, but always in-control demeanor has landed him plenty of ladies. Everything he does is accepted as cool, just by virtue of being Don Draper. From the way he copiously cheats on his wife to the way he treats his underlings like crap, to the way he says, "What?" Don Draper is the quintessential ladies' man. It also helps to have a cool-ass name like Don Draper.
4. Alfie (Michael Caine's version)
Alfie embodied the freewheeling sexed-up '60s you and I get to experience only through Austin Powers reruns on USA newtork. Alfie used his cockney accent and quick wit to charm his way into ladies' beds. And because it was the '60s, he'd be charming multiple ladies at the same time. Alfie is also the rare exception to the "need a cool name" rule. Unless Alfie is considered cool in Britain. They call French fries "chips" over there, so you never know.
5. The guys from Wedding Crashers
What can you say about these guys? They've stumbled upon a fool-proof way to get laid. Hit up weddings, pretend you're an obscure member of the family, and take advantage of vulnerable single ladies caught up in the bliss of a wedding day. It's a ploy that no doubt many a guy has tried since this film came out in 2005. And, as Owen Wilson eventually discovers, it's a bit of a douchey way to get ladies to go to bed with you. But this might be a dude's best bet if he doesn't have a cool name.
Don Giovanni, presented by Florida Grand Opera, opens this Saturday at 7 p.m. at the Arsht Center and runs through May 8. Tickets cost $21 to $250. Call 800-741-1010 or visit fgo.org.
Get the Arts & Culture Newsletter
Find out about arts and culture events in Miami and offers you won't hear about anywhere else.