This Boat Is a Time Machine

Our city’s inaugural sewer line began dropping waste into the Miami River in 1896, and by the 1950s, 29 others were getting in on the hazmat action as well. A solution — in the form of a treatment plant on Virginia Key — was eventually found, but the resulting shit stains (and coke residue from bay-borne drug traffickers) tainted the water’s rep. “I’ll take you for a swim in the river” became the go-to phrase to persuade children to eat their peas. However, a tour with historian Dr. Paul George, the unparalleled expert on all things Miami, will rekindle your fondness for the waterway whose port brings foodstuffs, cheap labor, and the all mighty cheeba to our shores.

The Miami River Boat Tour is a three-hour voyage to the past, which includes sights such as the famed Miami Circle and communities, parks, and springs you never knew existed. Pair the visuals with insightful commentary from one of our city’s best-known historians and you’ll have a ride to remember, for just $39 for Historical Museum of Southern Florida members and $44 for nonmembers. Advance payment and reservations are required. Meet up with Dr. George at Bayside Marketplace this Sunday at 10 a.m.
Sun., May 17, 10 a.m., 2009


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