These Jobs Only Kinda Blow

To date, the porn industry presents the most compelling argument for discarding the oft-repeated rule about not mixing business with pleasure. If Hef had followed that rule, we wouldn’t have Playboy, and there’s no existence bleaker than one without tastefully raunchy spreads featuring top-heavy Bunnies. Support America’s cash cow — an industry that puts the earnings of Billy Ray Cyrus’s and Joe Simpson’s bountiful bovines to shame — at the fourth annual Exxxotica Miami Beach, the largest adult (read: sex-fueled) convention on the East Coast. From this Friday through Sunday, the Miami Beach Convention Center will overflow with Penthouse Pets, porn stars, a hottest MILF contest, stripper poles, and Amy Fisher. Wha-what? Yeah, the Long Island Lolita has ventured into the world of adult film. And no, her first flick isn’t titled Bust It, Baby.

Tickets cost $35 for one day and $85 for a three-day pass, but if you splurge on VIP tickets, you’ll gain access to the exclusive “Bedroom,” hosted by our swinger friends at Miami Velvet. No one under 18 is admitted, so yet again, kids will have to be content with watching porn online, as they do the other 51 weekends of the year.
Fri., May 8, 4-11 p.m., 2009


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