It's been almost five months since the Miami launch of UberPool, the carpool version of the original service that connects riders traveling the same routes in an effort to save them money. As expected, the results have been interesting. After all, it's one thing to ride with a group of strangers on a bus or train, but it's an entirely different thing to hop into the back seat with a complete unknown. You gotta just hope for the best. But we don't always get what we want.
An UberPool ride is unpredictable in an almost thrilling way, with results ranging from downright awkward to
Am I the only person that when I'm using @Uber pool with a hot guy I secretly plan our "how we met in an uber" story for our future children— Millennial Hot Mess (@millennialhm) March 31, 2016
10. The Hottie
There you are, just trying to get to work on the cheap, and suddenly the passenger door opens and a Banana Republic model-looking hottie steps in. You get on your phone to seem unbothered and totally nonchalant, but really you're tweeting your heart out.
The other guy in my uber pool smells like vodka, sweat and regret.— Jesi Bolandrina (@sincerelyjesi) February 11, 2016
9. The Smelly Dude
Everything is all chill when suddenly the driver picks up your co-rider. He steps in, and you can literally taste the stench. You're technically not supposed to put down the windows during the drive, so you're forced to sit there and marinate in what very well might be fart-scented vomit.
Nothing more awkward like getting in an Uber pool to go to work w/ a stanger... doing an Uber ride/walk of shame— Kathy (@kathylcantu21) March 27, 2016
8. The Walk-of-Shamer
You're not one to judge, but it's 9 a.m. Wednesday and you doubt she's wearing a miniskirt and platform heels to work this morning. Male walk-of-shamers are harder to spot because really, dudes only have so many uniforms to wear places. You're not sure whether to high-five or be jealous because you're on your way to work and she's on her way to wash off the sex and get some brunch.
friend: are you on any dating sites?— adb (@amaadbhatti) March 21, 2016
friend: which ones?
me: uber pool
7. The One Looking for Love
There's nothing like jumping into a stranger's car and minding your own business, only to find out you've basically walked into a speed date. You wish the driver would speed up so this pseudodate could end. Fate is one thing; feeling like you're on a bizarre MTV dating show is another.
When you accidentally hit uber pool and the others are rolling balls— Lauren King (@elle_kae) February 20, 2016
6. The Ultra-Goer
All you want to do is meet your friends for a normal dinner, and when you're en route, you end up in the back seat with Johnny Depp's character from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. It's like you were thrust into the drunk tank in a boxy prison cell on wheels. Even worse, because this experience is mobile, things are happening all around you outside, but you can't get away.
I feel like it's rude to talk on the phone in an uberpool, especially if your voice is fucking annoying— Kruton Soul-Trap (@katlynletrieze) March 18, 2016
5. The Unreasonably Loud Phone Talker
There are levels to this one. The worst is the Bluetooth phone talker. For some reason, the UberPool loud phone talker is oblivious to the fact there is a small chance you're not at all interested in hearing about the hookup or business meeting he had yesterday.
I met my best friend in an uber pool. We spent the entire ride silently looking at our phones and never saw each other again.— maria gilhooley (@gilhooligans) February 14, 2016
4. The Totally Chill Guy
Let's be real for a minute. UberPool isn't always a bad experience. Sometimes you hit the jackpot and the person riding with you is just like you — totally not weird! A simple hello and then you each go back to checking your emails or social media feeds. It's a perfectly respectable and decent way to spend your short ride, and this scenario is the most likely one to occur.
Amazing . Got matched in an @Uber pool with one of my friends from high school. What are the chances— Jack Reidy (@Jackwreidy) November 26, 2015
3. The Person You Know
Ah, crap. There you are, trying to stay low-key and avoid a DUI, but this kid you went to high school with and haven't seen in 15 years takes a seat next to you. It's a private reunion of the class of '01. You really don't want to spend the remainder of the trip catching someone up on your entire life since graduation — it's a total buzzkill. Oh, they've been doing awesome? Do you want to see pictures of their children? Want to talk about your divorce? Next time, wear a disguise.
I was trying to figure out how to tell the girl in my Uber Pool that our driver is crazy. She knew. She said "good luck" as she got out.— actly a nce grl (@emilymasticate) November 20, 2015
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2. The Crazy Driver
It's not always the co-rider you need to worry about. Often, the Uber driver is a fruit loop. What began as two strangers trying to get to the same destination has turned into two strangers trying not to end up on the news. Some drivers seem to enjoy the awkward social interactions. That would be totally cool if they would just quit looking in the rearview mirror and pay attention to the stop signs.
Uber Pool drama. Couple edition.— Chatis, The Creator (@Mycathini) March 17, 2016
1. The Odd Couple
Oh, you thought being in an UberPool with a stranger was awkward? It can get so much worse. Riding with a couple can be so uncomfortable on both ends of the Uber spectrum. For one thing, they can be totally wasted and you feel like you're in a scene from a BangBus video. Or you get to ride with two people who just got into a fight and you can cut the tension with a knife. Fun, right?