The Ten Biggest Florida Memes of 2013
Oh Florida, sometimes we wish we knew how to quit you. You've been a great source of laughs throughout the year, but sometimes you're just too much for us.
Every cray news story to blow up on the Internet seems to come from you. You ruin political careers; you invent ridiculous fitness routines; your sports teams are always acting a fool.
But, you know what, Florida? We really wouldn't want you any other way. Sure, you're perceived as the herpes-infected dong of the United States, but to us, you are perfect. If it weren't for you, the rest of the world would have nothing to bring them the joy of schadenfreude. So, in honor of your fabulous weirdness, we're paying homage to the ten biggest memes, gifs, and viral videos birthed by Florida in 2013.
Thanks for the memories, Sunshine State. We can't wait to see how you top yourself next year.
10. Gator Block
This was definitely not a great year to be a Florida Gator. With Jameis Winston and Florida State shittin' on 'em and unranked Georgia Southern slaying their entire mothereffing lives, two Florida players just had to go and embarrass the team further by blocking EACH OTHER during a game. And while this shameful display is painful for those who bleed orange and blue, it provided a great laugh for the rest of us Internet trolls. Looking towards 2014, they should have Tim Tebow say a little prayer on their behalf. We hear his calendar is pretty empty these days.
Goodbye CrossFit, hello Prancercise. Created by Floridian Joanna Rohrback, Prancercise joyfully galloped into our lives in 2013, forever changing how we looked at fitness. It isn't all about high-intensity cardio and lifting anymore. Now, sashaying your hips and trotting along like a majestic horse is the way to burn those pastelito-induced calories. Taking a page from the fitness videos of yesteryear, Rohrback added her own flair for the spectacular and brought the sexy back to 2013, Justin Timberlake style.
8. I Will Murder Your Whole Effing Family
While this meme didn't necessarily originate in Florida, the Miami Dolphins definitely helped take it to the next level in 2013. After being accused of harassing teammate Jonathan Martin, starting guard Richie Incognito claimed that Martin sent him threatening texts, including one with the notorious "I Will Murder Your Whole Fucking Family" meme. According to Martin's camp, it was all in good fun and meant as a joke. Sigh, leave it to us to not even know how to use memes properly. This is why we can't have nice things.
7. Florida Man
It was only a matter of time before someone put Florida on blast for being so effing ridiculous, and the @_FloridaMan Twitter feed does just that and then some. Featuring news headlines that contain the words "Florida man," each tweet is designed to be read as if a single individual (a.k.a Florida Man) is perpetrating each crime. The world's worst superhero, Florida Man was busy as all hell in 2013. He was caught peeping up a woman's skirt with a camera taped to his shoe; arrested for posting threatening tweets; and released from jail after stealing from Wal-Mart, only to be arrested again at the same store within hours. C'mon dude, get it together!
6. Chris Bosh
Boshasaurus Rex pretty much dominated the Internet in 2013. Yes, the whole goddamned thing. With his epic photobombs and personal battles with stray pieces of confetti, BAWSH was born to be a meme. Along with Ray Allen, he came in clutch to secure a Heat victory in this year's NBA Championship, but we prefer to remember him for his gif-worthy talents instead.
5. In the Way Guy
Talk about timing. The minute this lovely gentleman gets down on one knee in Walt Disney World to ask for his boo's hand in marriage, In the Way Guy steals his proposal thunder and inadvertently gives us one of the year's best photobombs. The Internet took this gift from the meme Gods and ran with it, Photoshopping In The Way Guy into everything from The Beatles' Abbey Road album cover to a scene from Batman. We're sure In The Way Guy is real sorry about what he did, but we're not. This gave us something to LOL at for months.
4. Bro Witness
Bro Witness may be a New Zealander by origin, but he's truly a Floridian at heart. Just look at him! Shirtless, nonsensical and repping the Dolphins with the pride of a true ride-or-die fan. His claim to fame was witnessing the Capitol Hill shooting, so of course we had to adopt him as one of our own. We embraced his quirks, his smooth pecs, his bulging biceps. He was the epitome of a true Miami bro. He was our everything for those fleeting 15 minutes of fame. We'll always remember you fondly, Bro Witness.
3. Rick Ross Totally Looks Like...
Leave it to Rick Ross to perform at the BET Hip-Hop Awards wearing a blue velour tracksuit, tetas blazing and gold chains hanging low. Because of course he would. After the Internet picked its jaw up off the floor, it got to work creating the "Rick Ross Totally Looks Like" meme. Rozay was likened to everyone from Tobias Fünke to a big ol' Smurf. These days, he thinks he's Big Meech, Larry Hoover, Cookie Monster, hallelujah.
2. Marco Rubio Water Flub
Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco. The Republican Party had such high hopes for you. You were their golden unicorn, their saving grace in the next election, but you went ahead and messed it all up by being thirstier than a bottle girl serving Lil' Wayne at Liv. You can't just get your Poland Spring chug on while rebutting the State of the Union Address. You just can't! Otherwise, the Internet will make a mockery of you and all that you choose to be. And you, my friend, chose to be one parched motherfucker.
1. Heat Harlem Shake
There came a point in 2013 where the entire nation had reached Harlem Shake fatigue. One more awful parody video would've sent us on a rampage of Miami zombie proportions.
Then, something beautiful happened. The skies parted, the angels sang and The Miami Heat blessed us with a glorious Harlem Shake video to wash away all of our pain and suffering.
Featuring King James donning his best royal attire, a GQ teddy bear named Dwyane Wade, and a boom box-toting Chris Bosh, it was the video that ended the trend once and for all. Obviously, no one could top the best team in the NBA twerking it in perfect unison. Nearly 50 million views later, Florida could finally claim it was responsible for one of the best viral videos of all time (of all time), and not just another "I cut off my husband's penis by accident" type of news story.
Send your story tips to Cultist at email@example.com.
Get the Arts & Culture Newsletter
Find out about arts and culture events in Miami and offers you won't hear about anywhere else.