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The Ten Best Things to Do in Miami This Weekend

How 'bout that debate last night, huh?

Listen, we're not here to shove a certain politician down your throat. But are here to state the facts.

And that fact is, there was only one clear winner last night: Big Bird. The poor guy wasn't hated on last night like he was during the last debate.

Anyway, Big Bird is probably hitting up Miami with his street budz and painting the town, uh, yellow. And, really, we should join him. Enough with all of this cut-throat nasty election stuff. Let's leave that behind for next week and the week after. Enjoy the weekend. We have the days free to ourselves for Bird's sake!

Here are the ten best things to do in the Magic City this weekend. Hey, yo, BB-Streetz: Hit us up if you want to chill, bro.

Friday
Fabio's Stupid Fucking bday: Tee hee hee! This event name totally made us giggle.
Peaches: You should definitely come out of seclusion for Peaches. DO IT.

 

Saturday
Hurricanes vs Tarheels: We think Miami has better heels, anyway.
Bad Girls Club Casting: The only reason you should say no to this is if you have a penis.
Grovetoberfest: Hoist up your lederhosen!
Art Walk: Has anyone ever thought what the second Saturday of the month would be without Art Walk?
Rock of Ages: There will be a hair tease contest. We will be participating.
Kevin Hart: Give the little man some comical lovin', y'all.

 

Sunday
Dolphins vs. St. Louis Rams: This rivalry will add to the already-evident rivalry in the New Times office.
Matt & Kim: Better than Kanye & Kim. And better than Kris & Kim. These two actually have #TALENT.

Follow Alex on Twitter @ARodWrites.

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