It's that time of year again: time for you to pretend you put some thought and money into a Halloween costume, even though you totally haven't. Have no fear, we've got the creative part covered. The money issues, though, you're going to have to figure out for yourselves. The good news is we've put together a list of some Miami-themed Halloween costumes that you should be able to pull together with minimal investment or effort whatsoever.
Take a look, decide which one interests you, then delete your browsing history and act like you thought of it all by yourself — we won't tell.
Photo by Gene Page/courtesy of HBO
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as Spencer Strasmore from HBO's Ballers
If you're an adult male and you can't pull this outfit together, you need to reassess how it is you spend your days. All you need to pull off the Strasmore is a cell phone (or two), some khakis, and a dress shirt — that's it. Get some Tic-Tacs and constantly pop them in your mouth all night to mimic how Johnson's character chews on pain pills in the show to calm his football injuries.
screengrab via Miami Dolphins
Miami Dolphins interim coach Dan Campbell
If you really want to go all out on this, you're going to need some children. Hear me out: all you need is a Miami Dolphins polo shirt a few sizes too small, but that alone won't tell people who you are; therefore, you need to add some accessories. Get yourself two kids that play peewee football, have them wear their full pads, and get yourself a whistle. As you walk around the Halloween party be constantly telling the kids you need them to "play like primates" and "walk the line between dirty and legal", all while lining them up to run the "Oklahoma Drill" that features them just running head first into each other.
Everyone has a Dwyane Wade jersey, so that's no fun. Why not be the newest Miami Heat star for Halloween, with an added twist? You don't even need his jersey, just get creative and make people put two-and-two together with your makeshift costume. Maybe wear half-Miami Heat gear, half-police gear — because Justise, right?
Photo by Randall Slavin
If you have a tux and some leftover New Year's Eve party favors, you can pull off New Year's Pitbull. If not, all you need are tight clothes, a pair of sunglasses, and a fist to pump in the air while screaming "Dale!" People will figure out who you are pretty quickly. Get your girlfriend to dress up in a fancy dress and carry around some Dr. Pepper as an additional added detail. Make sure to download lots of his songs so you can play them on your phone throughout the night while you joyfully thrust-and-spin your hips just like Pitbull would in that situation.
Dan LeBatard and Stugotz
Everybody in Miami loves Dan and Stugotz — if you don't, you don't get the show. This tandem-costume takes little effort and is sure to be hilarious to the sports-obsessed bros at the party. Grab yourself any hat, print out the words MIAMI in 50-point font, tape it to the front and you have got yourself a Dan. Stugotz can go a number of different directions, but really just buzz-cutting your hair, speaking through phlegm, and constantly eating vending machine sacks is all you need when accompanied by the obvious LeBatard.
Courtesy of CW
Jane The Virgin
If satirical romantic comedy-dramas are your thing, you probably know exactly what to wear to pull off the Jane The Virgin. Set in Miami, Jane The Virgin has one of the most ridiculous story plots of any show on TV — but somehow, it actually works. You can be pregnant Jane, or pre-preggers Jane, that distinction is up to you, but both should be equally easy to pull off with just the change in your couch cushions. (Tip: you can use those same couch cousins for the pregnant version.)
Photo by Michele Eve Sandberg
Being Rick Ross for Halloween might be the easiest Miami costume of them all. To become Rick Ross all you need is a white t-shirt, a Miami Heat hat, a magic marker to draw some tattoos all over your body, and some fake costume jewelry. Accessories to enhance the look could range anywhere from a microphone to some pears — it just depends on what Rick Ross you're going for. Shout out to all the pears.
Get this one before it's gone! You might never again have a chance to pull this one off in Miami, so you better jump on it this year. All you need is a poorly ironed white shirt, an orange tie, and a haircut that looks like you just came fresh out of sitting in an airplane chair at a place called KidzKutz. Say things like "process", "scholarships", and "avoid the noise" all night to truly pull this one off. If you're super creative and want to make this a Fire Al Golden costume, add a firefighter's hat.
If your goal is to go Miami, why not go full Miami? It doesn't take much to become Mr. Scarface himself. All you need is a pair of over-sized sunglasses, a bag of flour, and some serious time to practice a terrible Cuban accent. Anyone that doesn't know enough quotes from this movie to get you through the night really has no business being Tony Montana for Halloween, so make sure you respect the character, do your homework, and never get high off your own supply.
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Anyone from Miami Vice
When in doubt while trying to come up with the perfect Miami-themed Halloween costume, Crockett and Tubbs is always