The Seven Weirdest Sex Apps
Apps were invented to simplify life's toughest conundrums; some help dilute our cruddy sense of direction (Google Maps); some to make reservations for brunch at Zuma seamlessly - or not (OpenTable); and some to make our loins burn with passion.
A whole techy business has emerged centered around the limbic part of the brain, aimed at awakening your inner freak. There are new apps designed with your sexual travel in mind, or sometimes, just to secure your privacy. There are cute and fun ways to dress up your Johnson, or hey, why not your unborn child? There are even helpful hints for upping your skill level between the sheets.
Of course, not all of them are really that sexy. Here are the seven weirdest sexualized wonders of the app world, from the good, to the bad, and the downright kinky.
Just the Funny Mainstage Show
TicketsSat., Dec. 10, 9:00pm
TicketsSat., Dec. 10, 10:00pm
Just the Funny - After Hours
TicketsSat., Dec. 10, 11:00pm
Meg Segreto's Dance Centre: Happy Holidays
TicketsSun., Dec. 11, 2:00pm
A Whoville Christmas - Maria Verdeja School Arts
TicketsTue., Dec. 13, 7:00pm
First comes lovin', then comes baby, then comes Pimp-My-Ultrasound? Yes, this app did just happen. Now, for 99 cents at the iPhone App Store, you don't have to settle for an old-fashioned, fuzzy, black and white image that may or may not resemble a baby. You can quite literally pimp the shit out of it. Accessories including football helmets, guitars, and text bubbles that read "I'm a pimp" help elevate your unborn child from boring baby to Snoop Dogg prodigy. There's even the option of a "pimp cup."
Cunnilingus can be a woe for some, but the gods have indeed smiled upon the vulvarly-challenged. Created by the kinky, San Francisco-based team behind "Club Sexy Time," this app helps strengthen the most important muscle of your body - the tongue. You can use your mouth muscle across your screen three ways; up and down, circles, and "freestyle." Sounds fun, but fun turns to slimy fast. That's why Lick This recommends you strap it up before you smack it up, covering your mobile-device-turned-vajayjay in plastic wrapping. You can master the subject of linguistics at lickthisapp.com.Next Page
Get the Arts & Culture Newsletter
Find out about arts and culture events in Miami and offers you won't hear about anywhere else.