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The Real Housewives of Miami, Episode Seven: Blowjobs, Blowouts, and a Big Hairy Bush

The Real Housewives of Miami, Episode Seven: Blowjobs, Blowouts, and a Big Hairy Bush

We want to begin with a big shout out to Lisa Hochstein. Real Housewives of Miami episode seven began with her explaining what exactly the Susan G. Komen foundation is. Not exactly necessary, because we've all spent the past month inundated with pink ribbons, pink sports gear, the pink sign at Blue Collar, etc. But still, way to use your fame to give attention to a worthy cause.

See also:
- Joanna Krupa's Bravo Blowjob Controversy
- Smoking Hot Photos of Elsa Patton Before RHOM
- Last week's episode of Real Housewives

Hochstein needed to breakdown her favorite charity because her plastic surgeon husband loves boobs. Oh and she was throwing a lingerie party to support the cause. Or was it just an excuse to show off her body? We would flaunt that thing around if it were ours.


Miss Lisa isn't the only one getting all fired up to raise money. We have Lea Black in the final stages of her annual Black Gala, which we were lucky enough to attend last year at the Fontainebleau Miami Beach. It was, as always, really fierce, full of fame whores and the occasional A-lister.

But no fiesta or gala could outshine Joanna Krupa's hairy bush.

Allow us to explain. Krupa is essentially Miss PETA 2012 and constantly supports the cause. For her new ad campaign, she's saying the only fur anyone should be wearing is their own, which is a clever statement in theory but in photo shoot practice is really kind of gross. That 1970s-style shag carpet definitely does not match the drapes.

Joanna's love for the animals also causes her to hate Kim Kardashian. (Hey, at least she has a real reason to despise her. What's America's?)

The Real Housewives of Miami, Episode Seven: Blowjobs, Blowouts, and a Big Hairy Bush

Unlike most episodes of this program, there was a couple of standout moments. We had Lisa's jugs, per usual. Lea and her husband Roy's casual chat about a man being convicted of manslaughter. One of our personal favorites was Joanna's favorite store full of chonga wear, Claudio Milano. But really, it all came down to a Miami Herald article and Joe Francis' penis. Isn't that what most of your life stresses are about?

All the ladies were a tad up in arms because Karent Sierra decided to chat with a journalist over at the Herald. No, she didn't just shoot the shit with this woman. She gave a full-blown one full-page interview that said the other Housewives weren't exactly the brightest crayons in the box, and also that they're all full of Botox. Wait, why is this controversial again? Ask Adriana de Moura, who of course, is the most upset about this little piece in our daily paper.

The Real Housewives of Miami, Episode Seven: Blowjobs, Blowouts, and a Big Hairy Bush

If that little incident weren't causing enough tension at Lisa's lingerie party, we had the addition of Joe Francis. His face is a tad unfamiliar because of all the work he has had, but you know him. He is the man behind Girls Gone Wild and some casual prison time. A real class act. As everyone drank his or her pink cocktails, the drama of the night, we thought, would be the fact Marysol Patton decided to show up wearing fur in front of Joanna. (Mama Elsa approved of her outfit, so so did we.)

As the night progressed, one cocktail turned into six and Joe's love life came to the surface. This life has included not one, but two Krupa sisters, he boasted. According to Joanna, neither of them have touched him. (Marta Krupa was at least kind of honest -- she didn't answer Joanna when she was asked about it, but giggled in a way that translates to "I totally banged him.") According to Joe, Joanna once "gave him head in a movie theatre." Again, classy.

The Real Housewives of Miami, Episode Seven: Blowjobs, Blowouts, and a Big Hairy Bush

But none of this compares to what is to come next week: the Adriana-Joanna bitchslap heard 'round the world. God, we can't wait.

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