Miami, we have had quite the week. We got a new Marlins manager. We are all still recovering from Halloween. And we got to watch two episodes of Real Housewives of Miami in the span of five days.
We don't how we are keeping our panties on with all this excitement, to be honest.
We begin episode nine with Lea Black finishing the setup for her famous Black Gala. She talks it up like it's the best event in town because, well, it is. We have had the pleasure of attending for the last two years, and each time, it gets more and more fierce. Who else can get Rick Ross and Tony Bennett in the same room? Only the gangster herself, L. Black.
One person also attending the soiree this year is a little nugget of a fellow, Norman. This guy describes himself as, and we're quoting directly here, a "cosmic cheerleader." We're told he can read energy and bless rooms. Essentially, he stands around rubbing bowls and chanting vowels. All we could think was, "This is how the man pays his rent?"
Still, we have to thank Norman for his cameo on this program. He was a key part
in getting Mama Elsa and Marysol Patton to Lea's home for a girls day out. We'll take any excuse, anytime and anywhere, to see some Elsa, even if it does involve a cosmic cheerleader.
Also, how have we gone so long without seeing Elsa drive a car? That, folks, was
a magical moment.
Moments later, we meet back up with our girl Adriana de Moura, who you might remember, slapped the shit out of Joanna Krupa last week. Adriana claims she was attacked by that blonde super model and was just defending herself. I wonder if part of the proceeds from the Black Gala will go to Adriana and other victims of models and their mayhem? (Hey, no one steal that idea for a charity, OK?)
Joanna, along with the rest of us, believes she got a little drunk, which contributed to her night-ending girl fight. Well, ok then, we are on the same page there. Someone not on her side is her boo, Romain, who pretty much is avoiding her like the plague. Again, if Joanna freaking Krupa cant keep a man, how are all the rest of us supposed to?
We meet back up with all the girls at the infamous party of Lea Black. There were a few key moments of this party for us. Of course, there's Karent Sierra on the red carpet. Never in our lives have we seen a hungrier fame whore in our lives. We are pretty sure she would attend the opening of a book if she could guarantee her photo being taken.
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Then we have Joe Francis attempting to make up with Joanna. Seriously, people, stop putting this man on television. At least we got to watch him crash and burn.
But ultimately, the Black Gala turned into a new game we're calling "How Long Until Adriana Hits Joanna Again?" If Housewives Catfight Redux would have gone down at the Black Gala, we are 99% certain Lea would have beat those bitches right out of the Fontainebleau.
Sadly, that didn't happen. Hey, there is always next Thursday!