The Nine Miami Guys You Will Probably Meet This Year

Your future date could be in that bar.EXPAND
Your future date could be in that bar.
Flickr CC, Joe Loong

It doesn't matter how long you've lived in the Magic City — whether you've been here for years or only recently arrived, you've quickly learned that you probably won't be find your soul mate in Miami anytime soon. From guys who put booty over brains to those who flash their money or really just don't get it, dating in Miami can be like one bad dream after another. As you venture into the fresh dating scene of 2016, take note, because these are the nine Miami guys you'll most likely meet out there. Warning: You might want to stay away from some of them. Date with caution, ladies.

9. The guy who likes fast cars
He spends his weekends at the races in Homestead and spends more time photographing Ferraris on South Beach than he does staring at other women's asses — which, fine, that's a plus. But come on, dude — no one wants to play second fiddle to an overly expensive piece of metal, especially when its admirer still lives in a two-bedroom apartment with his mom in Kendale Lakes. You wish he would spend less time at the body shop, and wonder whether he'll ever get a clue that the neon lightning bolt he added to the rear of his hatchback is not happening. Thanks, bro, but we'll pass.

8. The nice Jewish boy looking for a nice Jewish wife
He lurks at law schools and business programs all over Miami, serially dating and texting female students he thinks his mom would call a mensch. But while his intentions may seem dubious, inside he's really just a nice Jewish boy at heart. He's tired of the dating game, and while he's playing it for now, it's merely a means to an end: This boy is looking for a wife, and his only requirement is that she's gotta be Jewish. Chicksa goddesses need not apply to date this Miami dude.

7. The guy who can get you in
The first time he breezed his way through the line at Basement, you were pretty impressed. But as you began spending more time considering whether you really wanted to date this guy, you realized his life was an endless string of VIP ropes and bottle service. And he spent more time texting the bouncers of South Beach than he did with you. 

6. The guy who's looking for a green card
He stalks online dating sites vowing he's looking for something serious, but what he means is he needs a serious solution, and fast: This guy's time in the U.S. is about to expire, and he has really come to love all the money/freedom that seems to be flowing through these parts. In fact, he'll do just about anything to stay in bounds, including marrying a stranger. 

They're just looking for love, ladies.EXPAND
They're just looking for love, ladies.
Courtesy of Flickr/suneel&implicit

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