The Five Most Annoying Things About Miami

Whatever she's saying, it involves "dale."
Whatever she's saying, it involves "dale."
Shit Miami Girls Say

Every city in the world has things that piss its residents off. New York has its impossible real estate market. Los Angeles has the smog. Paris has all those damn French people.

Miami is no different. Hell, we're the most dominant city in a state constantly making headlines for stupid shit like "Bush gets elected because one state can't count." Spain has been secretly high-fiving itself for ceding Florida two centuries ago. That's not to say Florida is terrible or anything -- it has a number of redeeming qualities, like, water, and stuff.

Cultist loves Miami. Still, it's healthy to air your grievances. So we're going to list this town's most annoying qualities with zero regard to relevance or qualification -- exactly how the Republicans field candidates these days.

5. "Dale"

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RIGHT NOW. In addition to making music, Pitbull has done a lot of other harmful things to human society. Introducing "dale" to the mainstream Miami

lexicon is one of those egregious lapses in judgment.

In the 13th century, Genghis Khan raped and pillaged 1/3 of the planet. It's

estimated that roughly 0.5% of the world's population is a descendent of

Khan, which goes to show his utter rampaging of the lands. He killed

millions and conquered enough geography to make Alexander the Great shit

his skirt.

We'd rather go back in time and poke him with a stick repeatedly than hear anyone say "dale" ever again.

4. Homeless people with elaborate stories / Homeless "I'll watch your car" guys

you've ever walked around downtown for more than 20 seconds you've

probably encountered someone who comes up to you and gives you one of

these: "Hey, you speak English?" It starts out innocently enough until

you realize he hasn't showered since Lindsay Lohan was hot. Then he

follows up some bullshit sob story which he precedes with, "I'm not

going to ask you for money, I swear," right before asking you for money.


the same vein, the guys who will "watch your car" for you in the

shadier areas of Miami. They give you no guarantee that they'll stop any

sort of crime in progress, only that they'll watch it go down and

probably leave before you suspect them.

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