The midday downpour; the earth-trembling thunder; oh, and of course, the oppressive humidity -- it all sounds like one big environmental horror story, right? Living in Miami, especially during the months of July and August, can easily evoke grueling spells of manic depression.

Yet, despite our inability to partake in otherwise normal summertime recreational past-times like the rest of our nation's coastal cities -- i.e. beachin', convertible cruisin' with your crew, and boats'n'hoes hoppin' -- July and August also come with a propitious prescription to amend your cabin-fever gloom: Miami Spa Month.

Ordinarily, spending the day at Miami's top spas for a little detox means throwing down a weighty chunk of change. But the rest of this month is dedicated to the credo of ultimate R&R, the best-of-the-best in massage therapy, skin restoration, and mind, body, and soul pampering -- all at unbeatable offerings. Because sulking the entire day in bed can rile up some pretty ugly knots.

Out of the hordes of spas participating in its seventh year running, we've whittled it down to the top five that will give you the best bindi for your buck during Miami Spa Month. Namaste.

5. The Palms Hotel and Spa

Possibly the most unassuming on the list, The Palms Hotel and Spa, located off of the bustling Collins Ave., offers up a platter of hand-to-body-relaxants and skin rejuvenating treatments at criminal prices. Take the Fountain of Youth package for example: fully equipped with a 30 minute Elemental Nature Facial (customized facial), 15 minute Green Science Skin-Renewing Eye Area Treatment (a power plant technology meant to give your eye area a rude albeit revitalizing awakening), 15 minute Perfecting Plant Peel (ideal for those prone to wrinkles and/or large pores), and a 15 minute Warm Oil Infusion Scalp Massage (orgasmic -- uh, we mean, relaxing?) with a price tag of $129 smackers. Yeah, it's a lot of money -- but that's also a lot of blissing out.

And for the more understated-at-heart, might the Palms staff tempt you with the Mind & Body Bliss package, entailing a 50 minute Elemental Nature Massage (your not-so-standard Swedish) and a 15 minute Warm Oil Scalp Massage for $99, instead?

4. Spa at Viceroy

An indisputable wonderland of spas, this 28,000-square-foot facility at the Viceroy is the pinnacle of luxury. Not only will its 5,000-square-foot water lounge with a "floor-to-ceiling window" view of Key Biscayne and a floating library reel you in like a sucker, so will its Spa Month packages.

Normally, to relax in the lap of luxury, one must pay lavish prices, and that's usually the case at the Spa at Viceroy. (Come on, $350 for a HydraFacial? Yeesh!) But now through August 31st, that pretty, little HydraFacial has been substantially chopped down to a whopping $169. All other facials and massages vary from $99-$129. Strike while the iron's hot, ladies and gents, because, unfortunately, all good things must come to an end.

3. The Biltmore Spa

The Biltmore was designed exclusively for old money royalty. And this month, dear friends, you are cordially invited to experience royalty first hand. Yes, you. And you too.

For this year's spa month, the spa at the iconic Biltmore Hotel in the Gables is whipping up some wondrous, therapeutic snacks for not only the skin's pleasure, but the old olfactory factory as well. Both massages, 70-minute Royal Treatment and the Aroma Swedish massage, come with fragrant oils like lavender and peppermint, which are said to possess healing powers.

After you're finished huffing in a glut of soothing essential oils, we highly recommend the Oxygen Lifting Facial to top-off your afternoon of spoiling yourself rotten. The anti-aging facial employs micro-current technology for an instant - and no knife required - facelift, and leaves you with a dewy glow for only $129 (that seems to be the trending price point). Jlo, eat your heart out.

2. The Betsy Rooftop Spa and Wellness Garden

Favoritism is generally not our thing here at Cultist; still, we couldn't help but to be completely spellbound by what South Beach's most art-conscience hotel, The Betsy, had up their sleeve during Spa Month. A list of one-of-a-kind revitalizing treatments with price points ranging from $99-129 is, duh, expected. But this spa is more than the alleviation of bodily aches and pains -- it's a poetic utopia. Named one of the "14 [most] beautiful hotels in the world inspired by literature" by CNN, each massage treatment is accompanied by an iconic line of poetry by one of literature's greats - Aristotle, Kelsey, Vaughn Michael -- on this month's menu.

Juxtaposing art with body-easing treatments is something the rooftop spa is known for year round. But for Spa Month, the innately deft staff at the Betsy receives its guests with the "Signature Welcome," a mind-blowing foot bath, infused with minerals like malachite, sandalwood, and calendula oils to dispel the horrific memory of those pinching Giuseppe's you squeezed into this past weekend. Once your aura has slipped into a tranquilizing calm, come treatments like The Inner Wellbeing, a massage warding off all negative energy and satiating it with the positive through crystals for a total balance of the body's chakra. Ohm would be the operative word right about now.

1. Canyon Ranch

Forget the relinquishing of knots congregating in armies around your vertebrae and shoulder blades; for the spa at Canyon Ranch, metabolism and dietary evenness are just as paramount to your body's wellbeing.

The spa package specifically buzzing on our radar is the Special Health and Wellness Services package; it comes packed with an 80-minute Metabolic Exercise Assessment, Nutrition for Weight Loss session, an Acupuncture session, and an overall Healing Energy session. If you're one of those willowy model-types who consume an infinite measure of piled-high burgers and still maintain your 100-pound, cellulite-free, rock-hard bod, then something like the Spectacular Services package may serve as a better alternative to you. The series of seven, 50-to-80 minute sessions consisting of facials, a mani and pedi, Highlights on the Go, and Feng Shui to name a few, are generously priced at $99.

And here's the best part: part of all Spa Month services is the Aquavana Experience, a circuit of thermal cabins, soaking tubs and aquatic environments -- a rub-a-dub-tub version of musical chairs, if you will.

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