Friday: Ultra Music Festival
Friday: Ultra Music Festival
Photo by Sarah Ginn

The 21 Best Things to Do in Miami This Week

Thursday

If our future robot overlords eradicate humanity, will a robot philosophy take the place of our humanoid musings? Luciana Parisi, a scholar of technology in culture, art, and politics, is researching the consequences of techno-logic, or the organic development of reasoning in machines. Her lecture, part of the Art & Research Center's program New Social Abstractions, will explore how this logic fits into our typical understanding of Western philosophy and art. This is the first lecture in a series that continues through April 20. 7 p.m. Thursday at the Institute of Contemporary Art, 4040 NE Second Ave., Miami; 305-901-5272; icamiami.org. Admission is free.

The matching baseball caps that you and your bae designed for each other this past Valentine's Day are très cute, but we can agree they aren't museum material. Your next dynamic-duo project can take some inspiration from Victor and Ekaterina Khromin, whose collaborative paintings are being introduced at their new exhibit, "Synergism." The Russian-born artists became professionals independently, and both opposed Soviet censorship in their careers, leading them to immigrate to the United States in search of free expression. Their work, which explores representation, abstraction, and minimalism, will be celebrated with an opening reception this week. 11 a.m. Thursday at the Museum of Contemporary Art North Miami, 770 NE 125th St., North Miami; 305-893-6211; mocanomi.org. Admission is free for museum members and North Miami residents, $5 for nonresidents.

UPDATE: Magiazine has been moved to Thursday, March 30. Galleries, museums, national magazines, art festivals — there's a seemingly endless array of means to get art out into the world. But surrendering one's work to a curator or publisher isn't everybody's idea of success. For those few who make art on their own terms, there's the humble zine. The small publishing and craft fair Magiazine posts up at Sidebar's Ice Cream Thursdays to sell work by local artists of color and spread the word about DIY and handmade art, all while ladies sip free drinks and revelers slurp free Jameson ice cream while supplies last. 9 p.m. Thursday at Sidebar, 337 SW Eighth St., Miami; 786-703-6973; magiazine.com. Admission is free with RSVP.

RAW showcases are local and international. On the one hand, the artists are all based in the area of the show, and on the other, they're all joining a network of makers hailing from as far away as Australia. The end game, of course, is to gain a broad audience for budding creatives, and the Raw Miami Cusp show will give you plenty of work to view, groove to, and possibly purchase. A dynamic and multifaceted display of 50 local artists in seven diverse fields, this exhibit is practically a one-stop shop for all of your new-arts needs. 7 p.m. Thursday at Revolution Live, 100 SW Third Ave., Fort Lauderdale; 954-449-1025; rawartists.org. Admission costs $22 in advance, $30 at the door.

The Miami and Fort Lauderdale LGBT Film Festivals have grown from short spurts of a couple dozen entries to full-length events of 50-plus screenings. Glow Miami is the festival's off-season outlet, and the final Glow screening will happen this weekend in anticipation of the fest in April. In BWOY, closeted Brad is coping with his son's death while engaging in a clandestine online affair with a Jamaican man named Yenny, but deception, passion, and guilt complicate things. Tickets for the festival go on sale the day after the screening, so snag a guide on your way into the theater. 7 p.m. Thursday at O Cinema Wynwood, 90 NW 29th St., Miami; 305-571-9970; mifofilm.com. Admission costs $10.

Friday: Bayo Block Party
Friday: Bayo Block Party
Photo by Jasmine Safaeian

Friday

Support Women Artists Now (SWAN) Day seeks to connect woman-identified audiences with woman-identified artists, because male-dominated subject matter can get really boring if you have a vagina. The Spoken Soul Festival honors this day by providing a platform for community engagement and artistic proliferation for women in South Florida. Artists and organizers from a decade of SSFs will show, speak, and perform for free over two days to celebrate the tenth anniversary of the event. A closing brunch Sunday from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. at Soyka (5556 NE Fourth Ct., Miami) will round out the weekend of lady love with a raffle, auction, and swag bags. 3 p.m. Friday and 6 p.m. Saturday at the Adrienne Arsht Center, 1300 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 305-949-6722; spokensoulfestival.com. Admission is free for events at the Arsht; brunch costs $45 to $60.

Stark. Lannister. Targaryen. Whatever your house of choice, make your allegiances now — the Throwdown is coming. Local record label Gigabeat and Project Mayhem are hosting Game of Throwdowns, a night of musical bloodshed when more than 20 DJs representing houses from the Seven Kingdoms will battle for ultimate power (or just bragging rights). Show up early and catch the Miami Bass Awards' ceremony and free cocktail hour directly before the spectacle. Costumes are encouraged, so dust off your fur cloak. 7 p.m. Friday at Drinkhouse Fire & Ice, 1672 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-534-2423; gigabeat.us. Admission costs $20 in advance, $25 at the door.

Miami Music Week brings international artists to our little tropical puddle, giving people who are trying to break into the biz a chance to rub shoulders with titans in the electronic music industry. But in the haze of parties and networking, it's worth it to salute our roots. Michael Brun, a Haitian DJ based in Miami, will do just that at the Bayo Block Party. The celebration will showcase Haitian music and musicians such as Lakou Mizik, Rara Lakay, and Zoey Dollaz. Haitian food and drinks are a bonus. It's definitely the low-key option for MMW. 6 p.m. Friday at the Little Haiti Cultural Center, 212 NE 59th Ter., Miami; miamimusicweek.com. Admission is free.

Ultra Music Festival falls somewhere between the anthropophobia-inducing chaos of your nightmares and the hallucinatory party extravaganza of your dreams. Even if you know nothing about techno, you'll recognize names like Ice Cube, Major Lazer, and Ty Dolla $ign on the lineup. But true devotees of the uhntz will show up for Carl Cox, Underworld, and a gazillion other DJs and performers who'll fill the air around Bayfront Park with rib-shuddering rhythms for three full days. 4 p.m. Friday and noon Saturday and Sunday at Bayfront Park, 301 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; ultramusicfestival.com. General-admission tickets are sold out; three-day VIP tickets cost $1,249.95.

Click "next page" for more things to do this week in Miami.

Monday: Spring Re-Invention
Monday: Spring Re-Invention
Courtesy of The Standard Miami

Saturday

What do early-'90s CGI, a shotgun, and a chainsaw-arm have in common? They're all used to fight the forces of evil in the final installment of Sam Raimi's Evil Dead trilogy, Army of Darkness. Every Saturday, the Coral Gables Art Cinema screens a cult horror film to delight audiences looking for late-night spooks. So if the real-life techno zombies of Ultra Music Festival are a little too scary for you, cozy up to a bag of free popcorn and stay safe with an army of resurrected corpses and the theatrical virtuosity of Bruce Campbell. 11:45 p.m. Saturday at Coral Gables Art Cinema, 260 Aragon Ave., Coral Gables; 786-472-2249; gablescinema.com. Admission costs $7.

Why should the Wynwood kids have all the craft beer fun? The south end of the county will get some love this weekend when the South Miami-Dade Cultural Arts Center's concert lawn is taken over by the tunes, brews, and food trucks of the Beer and Music Backyard Festival. The Dirty Dozen Brass Band and the Funky Meters will provide the grooves, while local darlings such as Concrete Beach, J. Wakefield, and Biscayne Bay Brewing and national staples like Lagunitas and Dogfish Head facilitate booty-shaking. Fuel the fun with grub from food trucks such as Vibe 305 — a nonprofit that provides at-risk youth with vocational training from successful chefs. 8 p.m. Saturday at the South Miami-Dade Cultural Arts Center, 10950 SW 211th St., Cutler Bay; 786-573-5300; smdcac.org. Admission costs $25 to $65.

Sunday

People love pig. They love pork; they love ham; they love everything from skin to snout. And Cochon555 knows that. This roving culinary experience is set to hit South Beach this weekend. It places 1,500 heritage porcine pounds in the paws of chefs to prepare and pair with wine, cocktails, and artisanal brews. Support family farmers while tasting heritage porkers done up properly for your palate. 4 p.m. Sunday at Ritz-Carlton South Beach, 1 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach; 786-276-4000; cochon555.com/2017-tour/miami. Admission costs $125 to $400.

Short of a shellfish allergy or a hurricane, nothing should keep you from attending the 13th-annual Deering Seafood Festival on the Bay. Mix up the natural and historic beauty of the Deering Estate with freshly caught and cooked sea creatures, and you have yourself a perfect Florida day. Celebrity chefs will show you how to create saliva-inducing dishes while stilt-walkers and a Bahamian Junkanoo parade will keep the kids hypnotized. The Green Mobility Network is also providing bicyclists with valet parking if you ditch your four wheels for two. 10 a.m. Sunday at the Deering Estate at Cutler, 16701 SW 72nd Ave., Palmetto Bay; 305-235-1668, ext. 22; deeringestate.org. Admission costs $15 in advance, $25 at the gate, and $5 for children aged 4 to 14.

Watching magic shows in real life often falls short of The Illusionist and ends up more in the realm of G.O.B. from Arrested Development. But why be cynical when you can be entertained? Bill Blagg's magic show is leagues away from your grandpa's magic tricks and will no doubt elicit "ooh"s and "aah"s, if only for the great lighting and dramatic flair. And if you decide to bust out your fifth-grade magic book after you see him, we won't judge you. 2 p.m. Sunday at the Aventura Arts & Cultural Center, 3385 NE 188th St., Aventura; 305-466-8002; aventuracenter.org. Admission costs $30 to $35.

Wednesday: Chris Rock
Wednesday: Chris Rock
Courtesy of Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino / Hard Rock Live

Monday

Getting clean on the inside is just as important as cleaning your house or car. Life coach and Directing Your Destiny author Jennifer Grace knows that fact and is hosting Spring Re-Invention, a goal-setting class for 2017. Don't act like you kept your new year's resolutions, because they've been broken. This is a chance to get to where you want to go with trained assistance. Get your future in order while chilling at the Standard, and score a free spa pass after the workshop. 11:30 a.m. Monday at the Standard Spa, 40 Island Ave., Miami Beach; 305-673-1717; standardhotels.com/miami/spa. Admission is free with RSVP.

Tuesday

The Standard Spa is so progressive it has its own resident astrologer, Lori Bell, who doubles as an acupuncture physician. In honor of the beginning of the astrological new year, Bell will host Zodiac Lounge: New Moon in Aries, New Beginnings, in which she will assist you in uncovering and focusing your intentions for this next phase of your life. This new moon might be the chance you've been needing for a fresh start. 7 p.m. Tuesday at the Standard Spa, 40 Island Ave., Miami Beach; 305-673-1717; standardhotels.com/miami/spa. Admission costs $45.

Susanne Bartsch is one of the most notable nightlife icons alive. She'll bring her cabaret, Bareback Follies, to the classic pre-Castro-Havana nightclub El Tucán. There will be guest performances by Amanda Lepore, Joey Arias, and other clubbing greats, as well as Deejay Smeejay lighting things up at the afterparty. If you need a heavy dose of cool camp, or you want to plug yourself into the hippest days of club kids past, this is the show you've been waiting for. 8 and 10:15 p.m. Tuesday at El Tucán, 1111 SW First Ave., Miami; 305-535-0065; eltucan.ticketleap.com/bareback-follies-march-2017. Admission costs $25 and includes a drink. For dinner, call in advance.

Wednesday

Returning in its original iteration, alt-rock-pioneering group Dinosaur Jr. will head to Fort Lauderdale rock-show staple Culture Room. J Mascis, Lou Barlow, and Murph are touring to promote their 2016 release, Give a Glimpse of What Yer Not. Expect a crowd of music supernerds, a ton of shredding and distortion, and maybe a few nostalgic, sad-bastard tears. 7:30 p.m. Wednesday at Culture Room, 3045 N. Federal Hwy., Fort Lauderdale; 954-564-1074; cultureroom.net. Admission costs $25.

The North Beach Bandshell has been knocking it out of the park with impressive recent acts. The venue booked Nouvelle Vague, a cover band that reimagines the New Wave of the '80s by adding the style of smooth Brazilian bossa nova. In times of trouble, some people turn to bossa nova to soothe themselves. Others snap on some Joy Division to simmer in their sadness. Thankfully, in Miami this week, you can do both. 7:30 p.m. Wednesday at the North Beach Bandshell, 7275 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-672-5202; northbeachbandshell.com. Admission costs $30 to $35.

Chris Rock has some of the keenest eyes of our time and the brains and humor to translate his honest vision of the world into pee-in-your pants standup. It's not like the former SNL cast member has done poorly on the big screen either, including making his own flick, Top Five. But this comedian truly shines onstage. It's pretty much a guarantee that everybody will love Chris this week when he spits his truths on the Hard Rock stage. 8 p.m. Wednesday and Thursday at Hard Rock Live, Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino Hollywood, 1 Seminole Way, Hollywood; 866-502-7529; seminolehardrockhollywood.com. Admission costs $65 to $180.

Radiohead will soon return to the American Airlines Arena stage, and with the alt-rockers come celebrations of the band's arrival. The beating musical heart of Miami, Churchill's Pub, will honor Thom Yorke and crew thanks to Soundbite Magazine. The online publication will host A Radiohead Kick-Off Party, with Killmama, Anastasia Max, Analog, and Tête-à-Tête covering the Brits' tunes. Radiohead cupcakes will be provided by Peace, Love, Cupcakes, which should sweeten your trip to Little Haiti. 8 p.m. Wednesday at Churchill's Pub, 5501 NE Second Ave., Miami; 305-757-1807; churchillspub.com. Admission costs $5.

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