A Bridget Everett performance isn't just a comedy show. It's a full-blown sexual celebration. Armed with skimpy, sparkly outfits and an utter lack of modesty, Everett unabashedly sings about dicks and oral sex. She runs the stage like a naughty cabaret, breaking up her songs with comic interludes. But this isn't just about earning cheap applause by using sex. Everett is fully in control of her environment, from her own performance to the gaze of her audience. Her act is both hilarious and revolutionary, giving the men in the crowd a taste of the female experience: catcalling them, groping them, swinging her breasts and crotch against their faces. What's more impressive is that audiences keep coming back. Everett's performance is as infectious as it is provocative, and it's coming to the Colony Theatre (1040 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach) this Thursday. The show starts at 7 p.m., and tickets cost $28 to $33. Visit colonymb.org.
It's no secret that Miami's public transportation system is far from efficient. But that doesn't take away from the fact that an average of nearly 200,000 residents use it daily. And for those of us who don't, let's face it — we all wish we did. Who really enjoys the road rage of the not-so-Magic City traffic anyway? That's exactly why Radical Partners and Urban Impact Lab have organized Public Transit Day. This Friday, elected leaders and engaged locals will be "showing off their commitment to strengthening our public transit system" by actually using our public transit system. Those who participate will be treated to pop-up and music events and other surprises including early-morning coffee at the Civic Center; a community picnic lunch at Brickell Station with music, food, drinks, and a video booth thanks to the New Tropic; and live music at the Inner Loop stops of Metromover courtesy of Buskerfest Miami 2016. But Public Transit Day is more than just a fun commute around town. It's a day to "highlight the importance of strengthening South Florida's existing public transportation system, both to improve the economic potential of the city and improve the quality of life for residents." All you have to do is hop onto Metrorail or Metromover (or any other form of public transportation), take a photo of yourself on transit, and post it on social media using the hashtag #PublicTransitDay. Pop-up activities begin at 7 a.m. and run through 9:30 p.m. There's no cost to participate, but you must pay regular public-transit fare.
This is your chance, Miami. People have been telling you to support your local comedy scene for years. You can prove once and for all that you care, that you want the hardworking men and women in our scene to thrive, and you can have a good belly laugh while you do it. It's not hard. Simply head to Cisco Duran's Live DVD Taping at Magic City Casino (450 NW 37th Ave., Miami) Friday in time for the 9 p.m. show. Duran has been hitting mikes on the South Florida circuit for years. You've probably seen the Dominican-born, Miami-bred comic in action. His animated delivery elevates his observational style. He's traveled the nation while developing his edge and distilling the best bits into this hour of entertainment. A bit of light-hearted self-deprecation will definitely be on the menu. It's huge for a local guy to take a step like this. Be there to show him you care. Tickets cost $10 to $20; the show is 21 and up. Call 305-649-3000 or visit magiccitycasino.com.
Calling all cosplay fanatics, comic-book nerds, and anyone else looking to have a good time. There has been a change of schedule. The gathering formerly known as Magic City Comic Con is taking its superhero talents to the Broward County Convention Center (1950 Eisenhower Blvd., Fort Lauderdale) this Friday through Sunday under a new name: Paradise City Comic Con. It will feature new and improved events and activities under a larger roof (last year, the event drew upward of 20,000 attendees). Comic-book creators, voice actors, cosplayers, artists, and writers will participate in panels, Q&As, workshops, parties, anime, and much more. Celebrity guests such as Flash Gordon, Ron Perlman, Tara Reid, and Joey Fatone are scheduled to be on hand to sign autographs and mingle with guests. Comic-book creators and movie producers will be there too. Visit paradisecitycomiccon.com, call 954-399-1330, or email email@example.com.
Can Public Transit Day make riding Metrorail enjoyable?: See Friday.
Photo by Ryan Holloway
Nothing says Christmas magic like the awe-inspiring imagination of Cirque du Soleil. The famous French circus never ceases to amaze, and the holiday season is the perfect time to get lost in its unique brand of acrobatic enchantment. Kurios — Cabinet of Curiosities revolves around the "Seeker," a dreamer who believes a hidden world exists in his magical curio cabinet. Turns out he's right, and a remarkable cast of characters comes to life. Featuring 46 artists from 15 countries, some of whom have been touring with Cirque for 20 years (and most of whom have insane contortion skills), the show is a cabinet of cultural curiosities. If only real life were more like Kurios — because the way things are going, who doesn't want to escape into an invisible world? This Saturday's showtimes are 4:30 and 8 p.m., and performances run through January 29, 2017, at Hard Rock Stadium (347 Don Shula Dr., Miami Gardens). Tickets cost $39 to $160. Visit cirquedusoleil.com/kurios or call 877-9-CIRQUE.
When Art Basel, the biggest art event of the year, is in the rear-view mirror, there's only one way to battle symptoms of withdrawal: Wynwood's Second Saturday Art Walk. Think of it as the smaller, locals-only Art Basel experience: all of the booze, none of the hauteur. Arrive early to snag a parking spot. Stroll the sidewalks and scope some street fashion. Then take your pick from the food trucks for a grab-and-go dinner. Pop into Wood Tavern for a few cocktails. Oh, and make sure you hit up Wynwood Walls, where 12 new murals are showcasing a "Fear Less" theme ('cause courage is more important than ever right about now). Enjoy the art, and play bob-and-weave with a few thousand of your closest friends. It's not Art Basel, but it's Miami's best consolation prize. Second Saturday runs from 6 to 10 p.m. throughout Wynwood.
South Florida locals get to celebrate in a way most states don't: with a boat parade. This Saturday, the Seminole Hard Rock Winterfest Boat Parade will take place for the 45th time. This year's theme is "Comics & Cartoons Rockin' the Night Away." Expect tons of lights, music, decorations, and more. Try out the Santa Showboat, Grand Marshal Showboat, and Galleria Mall Reindeer Barge. The 12-mile boat parade will start at 201 SW Fifth Ave. in Fort Lauderdale and travel east onto the Intracoastal Waterway and north to Lake Santa Barbara in Pompano Beach. It takes place from 6:30 to 11 p.m. Visit winterfestparade.com.
The Green Baby Fair puts mamas in the know: See Saturday.
Courtesy of the Gathering Place
Between body changes and diaper changes, pregnancy and child-rearing are confusing enough. But one thing is certain: You want nothing but the best of everything for your baby. That's where the Green Baby Fair comes in. Presented by the Gathering Place — a pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting resource center — the environmentally friendly baby fest features workshops, activities, and vendors showcasing ways to make your environment, home, and life a healthier, safer, and more sustainable place to grow, birth, and raise children. Learn about eco-friendly options available before, during, and after pregnancy, and hear green advice from baby professionals and wellness providers including midwives, massage therapists, pediatricians, childbirth educators, lactation consultants, photographers, and others. There will also be plenty of mingling opportunities with other eco-conscious parents and parents-to-be. Don't miss the Green Baby Fair this Saturday from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. at the Little Haiti Cultural Center (212 NE 59th Ter., Miami). Tickets cost $15 plus fees via eventbrite.com or $20 at the door and include admission to up to three workshops. VIP tickets cost $25 plus fees and include admission to up to four workshops; raffle tickets for strollers, car seats, baby carriers, and other infant goods; and a swag bag. Visit greenbabyfair.com or call 786-953-6417.
December is in full swing, so you can officially break out your ugly holiday sweaters. And you can link up with other people who enjoy such attire and then get drunk. SantaPalooza takes place this Saturday in downtown Fort Lauderdale. Thousands of ugly-sweater-wearing, Santa-costume-clad, holiday-vibing patrons will take to the area's best bars to get as lit as a Christmas tree or Hanukkah menorah. Participating venues will offer free admission and exclusive drink specials from 8 p.m. to 1 a.m. There will be T-shirts to prove you survived SantaPalooza, a free beer stein, and many other goodies along the way. Tickets start at just $14.99, and a portion of the proceeds goes to Toys for Tots. Ten Fort Lauderdale bars are scheduled to participate, and others are expected to join. Visit barcrawlnation.com.
Wynwood Brewing Company's usual late-summer anniversary party returns Saturday, celebrating three years of brews and no more Zika. The annual gathering, which historically draws hundreds of beer-drinking South Floridians, was postponed nearly six months due to the looming threat of the Zika. The neighborhood has since been cleared of the virus, and the brewery is ready to party. The event will take over 24th Street from NW Sixth to Fifth Avenues with a variety of beer releases, food trucks, and live music. Attending the booze-filled affair is free, but drinking comes at a price. Beer tickets cost $6 apiece and are available for those 21 and up. Wynwood Brewing Company 3 Year Anniversary takes place Saturday at Wynwood Brewing Company (565 NW 24th St., Miami). Visit wynwoodbrewing.com.
Here's a burger run that's actually good for your health: See Sunday.
Courtesy of Burger King McLamore Foundation
Burgers and running might not sound like the best combination, but at the Burger King Beach Run, you can enjoy both, and for a good cause. The fourth-annual fundraising race for the Burger King McLamore Foundation takes place this Sunday at 7 a.m. Runners will tour South Beach and finish in the sand for a lively beach bash. Athletes can run or walk a 10K ($40) or 5K ($10 for those under 18, $30 for adults). Children can even participate in a kiddie dash ($5 for children aged 5 to 8). Participants get goodies such as a T-shirt, a golden finisher medal in the shape of a burger, and sunglasses. Plus, there'll be a family-friendly celebration at the finish line with a DJ from Power 96, an arts and crafts station, interactive inflatables, and sponsor tents from Burger King, Kellogg's, and others. Proceeds from the race go toward the foundation's Scholars program, which awards scholarships to college-bound students from Miami-Dade County. Visit bkbeachrun.com.
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Salsa, bachata, kizomba, and tango. They're not just fun to say; they're superfun to watch — unless you think you're good enough to hit the floor and do it, which is the most fun of all. You'll want to be sure you've brushed up on your steps if you take on the champs of this year's World Latin Dance Championship, though. These colorful crews are coming to the Deauville Beach Resort (6701 Collins Ave., Miami) with their best moves, and because it's the seventh-annual edition, it's sure to be the biggest and best yet. Performers will come from all over the globe to compete in more than 70 divisions. Returning champions will vie to maintain their crowns. You? You can always just take part in a workshop, try your skills on the dance floor during one of the event's auxiliary parties, or simply enjoy the beautiful pageantry as spectator. Things kick off Monday and run through Sunday. Event passes cost $20 to $200. Visit alberttorresproductions.com.
The image of the Caribbean as a sunny tourist mecca belies the fact that it's also a stunningly diverse artistic region with a singular identity all its own. The islands' culture is a unique melting pot, integrating transplanted traditions from around the world. The Haitian Cultural Arts Alliance promotes and preserves Afro-Caribbean heritage for a community that too often finds itself underserved in South Florida. The alliance's ongoing exhibition series, Borderless Caribbean, is a significant part of the center's art program, Global Caribbean, whose object is to create a dialogue and exchange among artists based in the Caribbean and Miami. A yearlong combination of exhibitions, guided tours, lectures, roundtables, and workshops, Borderless Caribbean is designed to create awareness of the urgent issues confronting diverse communities and their integral relationship to their areas of origin. Much like South Florida itself, those ties to the homeland are never completely severed even though assimilation is always assured. Borderless Caribbean takes place Sunday through January 17 at the Haitian Cultural Arts Alliance (225 NE 59th St., Miami). Hours are Monday through Friday from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. by appointment only. Call 305-756-3037 or visit haitianartsalliance.org.