Sunday: DJ Lolo at Locales Festival
Sunday: DJ Lolo at Locales Festival
Photo by Gesi Schilling Photography

The 21 Best Things to Do in Miami This Week

Thursday

Doughnuts used to be the butt of cop jokes and sad office kitchens, but no longer. Much like tacos and toast, the humble doughnut has been elevated to an art form. To celebrate this renaissance, the Donuts! Fest is bringing all the glazed and cream-filled masterpieces to one place. Last year's Golden Donut Award winner — Mojo Donuts & Fried Chicken — will return to defend its title among other peddlers of sugary deliciousness, alongside offerings of booze, coffee, and savory fare. You can't go wrong when your ticket includes unlimited doughnuts and two beers. 6 p.m. Thursday at MAPS Backlots, 342 NW 24th St., Miami; 305-447-8678; facebook.com/donutsfest. Tickets cost $35 for general admission and $65 for VIP.

It's hard to give a band like Radiohead anything but respect. Releasing works ranging from the wildly successful angst anthem "Creep" to the brooding but mature album A Moon Shaped Pool, the band has not only maintained a kind of artistic integrity that's rare for its level of popularity, but also consistently explored and transformed its sound. Even if you can only get tickets in the nosebleeds, seeing these Brits live is worth the price. 7:30 p.m. Thursday at the American Airlines Arena, 601 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 786-777-1000; aaarena.com. Tickets cost $61 to $91.

Friday

Porn is something you usually watch in private, but hear us out: Dan Savage's Hump! Festival isn't here just to turn you on. In an industry that can seem pretty homogenized and exclusive, this traveling showcase is meant to give amateur pornographers the chance to show off their, um, stuff, while promoting sex and body positivity. This year's fest includes 22 new films, each less than five minutes, covering topics as diverse as toy training by trans women and Scrabble-night-turned-wild-clown-orgy. 7:30 and 9:30 p.m. Friday and Saturday and 7 and 9 p.m. Sunday at O Cinema Wynwood, 90 NW 29th St., Miami; 305-571-9970; humpfilmfest.com. Admission costs $20. Ages 18 and up.

Apparently, a long rap sheet of assault charges can be part and parcel of being hilarious. At least that's what we tell ourselves when we see Katt Williams punching a seventh-grader on video and then getting his ass whooped by that seventh-grader. Personal life aside, Williams has been making people laugh since his appearance in Friday After Next. Fifteen years and many controversies later, the comedian is still acting and doing standup funny enough to warrant back-to-back performances in Miami this weekend on his Great America Tour. 8:30 p.m. Friday and 8 p.m. Saturday at the James L. Knight Center, 400 SE Second Ave., Miami; 305-416-5978; jlkc.com. Tickets cost $52 to $175.

After three days of sweating your body weight at Ultra, maybe you're feeling less than fabulous. Maybe you're regretting some or all the things you did under the influence of certain substances. If you're looking for a boost in style and self-esteem, head to the Fashionably Conscious Market's tenth-anniversary sale. Not only can you cop gently used designer accessories at affordable prices, but also you can help children in the West Grove through Coconut Grove Cares. After a spree at this spot, you'll be feeling better about your wardrobe and your undying soul. 6 p.m. Friday at Palm Court, 140 NE 39th St., third floor, Miami; fashionablyconscious.org. Admission costs $40 in advance and $50 at the door.

Friday: Hump! Fest
Friday: Hump! Fest
Courtesy of Dan Savage

Saturday

When controversial comedians get it right, they garner an almost cultlike following. Jim Jefferies has definitely attained success in this arena, especially after bashing gun control in his TV special Bare. Soon after, he caught flack for belittling rape in a bit about Bill Cosby. This summer, the Australian performer is slated to host a Comedy Central satire à la The Daily Show, but you can catch his new standup in person to decide whether his brand of shock-and-awe is comedy gold. 8 p.m. Saturday at Hard Rock Live, 1 Seminole Way, Hollywood; 866-502-7529; seminolehardrockhollywood.com. Tickets costs $20 to $65.

Lorna Simpson has enjoyed a prestigious career over the past 30 years as a conceptual artist and photographer, and Pérez Art Museum Miami has supported her work since 1997. As part of the its annual fundraiser, Art of the Party, PAMM will honor Simpson and her career while presenting a schedule of interactive art activations on the museum's terrace. Three tiers of tickets offer experiences that range from an exclusive dinner prepared by chef Michael Schwartz to cocktails and dessert during a postdinner dance party. All proceeds benefit the arts education program at PAMM. 6:30 p.m. Saturday at PAMM, 1103 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 305-375-3000; pamm.org. Admission costs $125 to $25,000.

Spring has sprung. Even though that doesn't mean much in a city with two barely distinguishable seasons, it's another excuse to have a party. Enter the Sprung! Spring Beer Festival — an afternoon affair with hundreds of craft beers, demos from local chefs, competitive games with prizes, a homebrewers' tent (if regular craft beers aren't hip enough for you), and beer "treatments" to add new flavors to the beers you already know and love. Your ticket gets you unlimited beer samples, so go ahead — let the spring fever hit you. 2:30 p.m. Saturday at the RC Cola Plant, 550 NW 24th St., Miami; sprungbeerfest.com. Tickets costs $45 to $90.

The Miami River gets practically no love when compared to its oceanside counterpart — maybe because it's less likely to be lined with twerking 22-year-olds — but, dammit, we should be celebrating it. That's why the Miami River Commission created the Miami River Day Festival, a day of paddleboard and kayak races, boat tours, libations, and entertainment along this burgeoning downtown waterway. Food vendors range from Casablanca Seafood Bar & Grill to hot dog stands, while historic reenactments at some of Miami-Dade County's oldest buildings and live music will keep you from even thinking about the beach. 1 p.m. Saturday in Lummus Park, 250 NW North River Dr., Miami; 305-644-0544; miamirivercommission.org. Admission is free.

You probably haven't read poetry since you were assigned "Ode to a Grecian Urn" in high school. The poetry festival O, Miami strives to change that fact every April — National Poetry Month — through a gamut of programs and initiatives with the goal of delivering poetry to every Miamian. This year, you might be surprised by a supermarket checkout conveyor belt, a Metrorail ticket, or a dog-poo bag. To kick off the fest, poets and social justice organizations will perform and provide info at Singing in the Dark Times this Saturday from 6 to 10 p.m. at the North Beach Bandshell (7275 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; RSVP required; admission is free with a suggested donation of $1 to $10). Noon Saturday through April 30 at various locations in Miami; omiami.org. Admission varies depending upon the event.

Maybe you went through an anime cosplay phase embarrassingly late in your life, or maybe you just genuinely love the delicate beauty inherent in Japanese culture. Either way, the Morikami Museum and Japanese Gardens is a place you should check out. This weekend is perfect for a first visit because the Hatsume Fair will be there to celebrate the new season. Taiko drumming, martial arts, artisan and craft goods, and an anime arena are only a few of the offerings during the two-day fair. And if you show up in your Naruto costume, you might win a prize. 10 a.m. Saturday and Sunday at Morikami Museum and Japanese Gardens, 4000 Morikami Park Rd., Delray Beach; 561-495-0233; morikami.org. Admission costs $15.

Click next for more things to do in Miami this week...

Saturday: Hatsume fair
Saturday: Hatsume fair
Courtesy of Morikami Museum and Japanese Gardens

Sunday

The Locales Festival will make the spring concert season a memorable one for those with 305 blood coursing through their veins. In celebration of Bayside Marketplace's 30th anniversary, the fest honors all things Miami. From the food made by celebrity chefs to the flavorful musical guests, Locales offers concertgoers the time and place to revel in the Magic City's charms. Fat Joe and Alexis y Fido will headline, but other stars lighting up the stage include some of the Big Orange's best: DJs Irie and Lolo, as well as Locos por Juana and Spam Allstars. And in true Miami style, there will even be a VIP yacht area. 10:30 a.m. Sunday at Bayside Marketplace, 401 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; localesfestival.com. Admission costs $25 to $150.

It's time for Miami to take its barbecue from the boring backyard to the place where everything is happening these days: Wynwood. While the weather is still tolerable, the whole family can wolf down slow-cooked meats and cornbread at Grillin N Chillin. There will be barbecue for all palates, from Carolina to Texas styles. The Kitchen Lab will share its secrets from the pit for newbie smokers in the audience and even host a cook-off. Cocktails, live bands, kids' stuff, and even a dog area make this event one you have no excuse missing, unless you're vegan. 11 a.m. Sunday at the RC Cola Plant, 550 NW 24th Ave., Wynwood; wynwoodbbqfest.com. Tickets cost $15 to $25.

The summer will soon be here to get you running in air-conditioned circles, from car to work to home. That's because in August, A/C rules your Miami life. But it's April, and stroke-inducing weather is still a month away, so why not try a triathlon? The South Beach Triathlon will take over Lummus Park this Sunday, when true athletes will show off their endurance and strength as they swim, ride, and run their way through one of America's best beach landscapes. If you can't even ride a bike, whip out the sunscreen, kick back, and just enjoy the scene. 8 a.m. Sunday at Lummus Park, Ocean Drive from Fifth to 15th Streets, Miami Beach; southbeachtriathlon.com. Admission is free for spectators; registration costs $150 to $280 for participants.

Rock 'n' roll has had a snug place in Miami's history. In the 1980s, Richard Shelter revamped Cameo Theater in Miami Beach as a music venue featuring rock, metal, punk, and New Wave and gave local bands a real stage to play. He no longer lives in Miami, but he's reminiscing about the good old days working on the Miami Punk Rock High Archive Project. To raise funds to document his time at the helm of a scene in SoFla, Shelter is putting on the Cameo Reunion Night, featuring punk and metal of the '80s. Head to Churchill's if you remember those times or if you weren't born yet but love a taste of the city's weird past and catch legends Cheetah Chrome, Amazing Grace, Z-Toys, Hamerhed, Broken Talent, and others. 8 p.m. Sunday at Churchill's Pub, 5501 NE Second Ave., Miami; 305-757-1807; churchillspub.com, gofundme.com/miamipunkrockhigh. Tickets cost $5 to $200 via gofundme.com.

Monday

Miami is the perfect place to gather trendsetters and newsmakers of Latin heritage. Hispanicize 2017 is bringing together the most influential Latinx folks from around the United States for five days in the Magic City to pump up their phone contacts lists, share ideas, and explore a friendly social climate. Geared toward ambitious and talented creative minds and businesspeople, this event is the largest of its kind. If you have any project you want to launch or boost, this is the event you should take time out of your packed schedule to attend. 8:30 a.m. Monday and 1:30 p.m. Tuesday at the JW Marriott Downtown, 1109 Brickell Ave., Miami; hispanicizeevent.com. Registration costs $250 to $695.

If you partied in South Beach in the '90s, you remember it as a colorful and very gay enclave. Thankfully, many scene stalwarts have remained and continue to nurture the tasteful and tacky aspects of gay culture in SoBe. This week at Score, there will be plenty to celebrate at Pride.com's fundraiser for Miami Beach Gay Pride, Miss Miami Beach Gay Pride 2017 Pageant and Silent Auction. Hosted by 2013 and '14 crown winners Tiffany T Fantasia and Tp Lords, the bash will offer live performances and dance music all night long. 8 p.m. Monday at Score Nightclub, 1437 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 786-368-8374; miamibeachgaypride.com. Admission costs $20 to $350.

Sunday: South Beach Triathalon
Sunday: South Beach Triathalon
Photo by Richard Patterson

Tuesday

With Sweet Bean, the Aventura Arts & Cultural Center puts the cinematic and emotional whipped cream and cherry on top of its Aventura Foreign Film Series. This moving Japanese flick focuses on a badass bean jelly recipe that an old lady gives to a manager of a pancake stall. He hires her and sells her delicious product until a revelation about her health scares away the new customers she garnered. The showing will be hosted by the series' curator, Shelly Isaacs, who will lead a postscreening discussion. 7 p.m. Tuesday at the Aventura Arts & Cultural Center, 3385 NE 188th St., Aventura; 305-466-8002; aventuracenter.org. Tickets cost $11.

The 2005 Broadway hit Jersey Boys is still touring, taking the tale of famed crooners the Four Seasons to a global audience. Set up like a documentary, this jukebox musical is jam-packed with sing-alongs that'll have the whole family joining in. The Jersey Boys are working their way back to Miami this Tuesday through April 9. 8 p.m. Tuesday at the Adrienne Arsht Center for the Performing Arts, 1300 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 305-949-6722; arshtcenter.org. Tickets cost $29 to $150.

Wednesday

If you're over movies and want something serious, poetic, and starring humans in the flesh, catch the run of Nobel Laureate Harold Pinter's play The Caretaker. Funny, sad, and absurd, this tale of a homeless man who walks into the lives of two brothers examines social class and what it means to be a human. In an age when classism is rightfully under scrutiny, this play takes on a whole new meaning. 7:30 p.m. Wednesday at the Adrienne Arsht Center for the Performing Arts, 1300 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 305-949-6722; arshtcenter.org. Tickets cost $50.

"Hungry like the wolf." Duran Duran's Simon Le Bon sang those four simple words in 1982, thereafter changing how people will forever comment on food. The band has found immortality through many other tunes over the years. Each somehow sounds exactly like the era in which it was created and also like it was made yesterday. The band itself has also transcended time and changing tastes and will perform almost four decades after its inception when it takes the Hard Rock Live stage this week. 8 p.m. Wednesday at Hard Rock Live, 1 Seminole Way, Hollywood; 866-502-7529; seminolehardrockhollywood.com. Tickets cost $65 to $434.

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