If you were shocked this week by news of R. Kelly's sex cult, never fear. This weekend has plenty of distractions in store, from shows by Dead Prez and Nice & Smooth to South Beach all-nighters and Swim Week madness. You'll be so busy sipping, dancing, and ogling that you won't be able to worry about why you should still be able to bump "Age Ain't Nothin' but a Number" without feeling deep-seated guilt. That's a Monday morning kind of concern.
BroLife Music Group's Brochella Weekend
Flower crowns, lace bras, and headdresses aren't the unofficial uniform of this music festival. At Brochella Weekend, expect a dress code of backward caps and single chains. The musicians at BroLife Music Group want to showcase the talent spilling out of Broward County and other parts of South Florida, so they're throwing some parties to get your attention. To support homegrown hip-hop and R&B talent, you'll trek through most of the southerly counties, from a mansion on Star Island with Tory Lanez, to Markham Park in Sunrise, to O'Malley's Sports Bar in Margate.
Dead Prez at Churchill's Pub
If you watched Chappelle's Show, you heard Dead Prez — but that's hardly the best reason to listen to this Florida-based hip-hop duo. Since the mid-'90s, M-1 and Stic.man have been crafting socially conscious rhymes, but with less self-righteousness and more radical politics. The last time New Times spoke to them, they promised a new album this year, so if you hope to hear their latest tunes, you could catch some at this show.
Nice & Smooth at B-Side
B-Side is keeping the resurgence of the '90s alive with its latest show, New York City's Nice & Smooth. Throughout their career, Greg Nice and Smooth B have caught the ears of legends like Tupac and De La Soul, although you might recognize only their somber "Sometimes I Rhyme Slow" single or the catchier "Hip Hop Junkies." They haven't released an album since 1997, but you can reminisce with the duo on the tiny dance floor of this Allapattah bar.
No Sleep South Beach
It's summertime. No doubt you need a vacation, but can't afford to take time off work for a fancy getaway. Looks like you'll need to use your sleeping hours for that time off, which is why No Sleep South Beach is here to provide all the summer madness you can handle. Beginning with a meet-and-greet at V-Live this Friday, you'll get a chance to party on a yacht, make appearances at clubs in South Beach and Wynwood, and sweat the liquor out on the beach with an ab guru. Whether you attend one or all of these events, you can act like a tourist all night and show up to your normal life in the morning like nothing ever happened.
Miami Curves Week at Fillmore Miami Beach
It isn't OK to body-shame anybody, but that doesn't mean counting visible ribs at Miami Swim Week wouldn't keep you occupied and leave most of us feeling some type of way. That's why Miami Curves Week is here to bring beauty diversity to the glamour of swimwear fashion through a celebration of full figures. Festivities include Curves and Comedy with Erica Watson and other comedians Friday night and a Charity Runway show Saturday night. On Saturday, head to the Marseilles Hotel to shop the Style Marketplace with celebrity stylist Meaghan O'Connor.
Stop Light Crawl at American Social
Like a bison on the wide open plains, you can graze at your leisure at the Stop Light Crawl, a "free roam" bar crawl in Brickell. Hosted by Where Locals Go and geared toward matching up singles, the event includes five free drinks and drink specials at each stop to lube you up for potential romance. Each guest will receive a wristband with a color: green for single, yellow for "it's complicated" (avoid those people), and red for "attached but I want a few free drinks." The crawl begins at American Social and proceeds to Fado Irish Pub, Taverna Opa, Barú, Red Bar, and Batch Gastropub. Proceeds will help support not only the satisfaction of your ego and/or libido but also an even better cause: St. Jude Children's Research Hospital.
Comedy and Poetry Open Mic Night at Strega Gastropub
It can be cold out there for an independent artist. Whether you're a comedian, a musician, or a poet, finding a scene that accepts and nourishes your craft can feel downright impossible in this city. RocDaStage invites you to the table via the Comedy and Poetry Open Mic Night, which gives local artists an opportunity to not only share but also relax, network, and connect with one another. Comedian Bert Cornelius will host the evening, DJ Lucca Savi will warm up the crowd, and positivity and community will abound.
Comunité at Electric Pickle
Mexico City is an enduringly hip metropolis, up there with Berlin and Portland. But its brand of cool is not necessarily that country's biggest export. Get a taste of what's musically on the other side of the imaginary wall when Comunité comes to the Pickle. Founded in January 2017, this music community, festival, and label is gathered around a signature sound and devoted to deep thinking and cultural evolution. It is curated by cofounder Wuuan, who will DJ alongside Mexico City's Josep and Monterrey's Leo Leal.
Miami Swim Week
As if the hottest week on record in Miami isn't summery enough for you, here comes Miami Swim Week. Mainly composed of two fashion industry trade shows, the event will nevertheless have the whole city abuzz with parties for all things scantily clad and moisture-wicking. SwimShow will take over the Miami Beach Convention Center with more than 2,500 swimwear lines and countless brands on display. Hammock is more of a runway-show type of affair happening at W South Beach.
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Moshe Kasher and Natasha Leggero at James L. Knight Center Ashe Auditorium
A belly sometimes needs more than feeding and crunches — it needs an emotional workout. That's what comedic couple Moshe Kasher and Natasha Leggero are coming to offer. The newly married comedians will provide your midsection with plenty of laughs and offer on-the-spot relationship advice during their upcoming performance. You've likely giggled to jokes by Leggero on Comedy Central roasts and her program, Another Period. Kasher is host of Problematic, also on Comedy Central, and a regular on @midnight.
Kolezanka, Transcendental Telecom, Tête-à-Tête, and Chilean Slang at Gramps
Rising from the sandy, salty Miami soil, Gramps has translated the smells and sounds of long, lazy summer beach days into a bar. And then it brilliantly added pizza, movies, and great musical fare. This week in the bar's backroom/movie theater, Shirley's, you can sample some of those sonic delights while munching on a slice of pepperoni with performances by Phoenix dream-pop act Kolezanka, Orlando electro-pop group Transcendental Telecom, and Fort Lauderdale synth-pop outfits Tête-à-Tête and Chilean Slang.