Thursday: La Piscina.
Thursday: La Piscina.
Photo by Gigi De La Torre

The 21 Best Things to Do in Miami This Week

Thursday

In any biz — especially in the movie biz — it's all about who you know. Finding a place to schmooze with the bigwigs in an atmosphere that's equal parts professional networking and tropical partying could make your career. So the founders of the Grand IndieWise Convention decided to craft the perfect weekend of workshops, pitch sessions, films, and parties for every stripe of emerging filmmaker in the hopes of building a community in South Florida. Highlights include appearances by actor Luis Guzman and producer Cemi Guzman, as well as a yacht party in South Beach and screenings in Aventura. Thursday through Sunday at various locations, based at the Ramada Plaza Marco Polo Beach Resort, 19201 Collins Ave., Sunny Isles Beach; 305-999-5910; convention.getindiewise.com. Admission costs $25 to $849.

In conjunction with the exhibit "On the Horizon," which focuses on contemporary Cuban art from Pérez Art Museum Miami's permanent collection, PAMM is screening La Piscina, the debut film of Cuban director Carlos Machado Quintela. In this slow-moving, dreamy film, four teenagers with different disabilities spend a day taking swimming lessons, eating lunch, and lounging by a public pool in Havana. But what could be an idyllic scene is troubled by the inner worlds of each character. 7 p.m. Thursday at Pérez Art Museum Miami, 1103 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 305-375-3000; pamm.org. Admission costs $16.

Telemundo isn't just for your abuelita's telenovelas. Each year, the Spanish-language network asks fans to vote in 20 categories for their favorite musicians, actors, songs, and films in the Premios Tu Mundo. It's the only viewer-juried awards show of its kind in Spanish-language media, so you probably won't find a #PremiosTuMundoTanBlanco thread on Twitter. But you will get a chance to watch glamorous stars such as Carmen Villalobos saunter across the stage, as well as musical acts CNCO and Ozuna perform. Les Twins will also make an appearance with the same moves that caught Beyoncé's attention. 8 p.m. Thursday at American Airlines Arena, 601 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 786-777-1000; aaarena.com. Tickets cost $30 to $40.

Friday: Croquetapalooza.
Friday: Croquetapalooza.
Courtesy of BurgerBeast

Friday

Pittsburgh has pierogis, New York City has pizza, Chicago has hot dogs, and Miami has croquetas. If you were raised in the 305, you should be a connoisseur of those little fried logs of meat dough. To fulfill the duty of such a noble calling, head to Croquetapalooza to judge the croqueta competition. There's also a frita showdown, booze from local breweries, and cafecito to fuel your mission of discerning the best croqueta in the Magic City. With 15 restaurants competing, it will be no easy task, but we believe in you, Miami. 7 p.m. Friday at Magic City Casino, 450 NW 37th Ave., Miami; 305-649-3000; croquetapalooza.com. Admission costs $40 in advance and $50 at the door.

If you think Miami is South Florida's only destination for world-class DJs, you are mistaken. J. Phlip, AKA Jessica Phillippe, is bringing her "acid booty-tech bass" creations to Fort Lauderdale. As part of Claude VonStroke's Dirtybird label and beyond, J. Phlip has released more than 30 projects. One of her mixes is titled "It's Like Bjork Meets Die Antwoord With a Bit of Classical." If that doesn't pique your interest, do you even like music? 9 p.m. Friday at Cash Only, 15 W. Las Olas Blvd., Fort Lauderdale; 954-299-3295; cashonlybar.com. Tickets cost $13.30.

Hunger 4 $uccess Entertainment is organizing the all-ages Summer Waves party, featuring performances by local rappers Yung Simmie and Mareezy, alongside DJ Seizure. You can expect macho trap and the kind of even-paced, minimalist hip-hop in the vein of other South Florida artists. Food and drinks will fuel the party into the wee hours. 9 p.m. Friday at H2 Studios, 5111 NW 159th St., Miami Lakes; 516-732-1110; facebook.com/H4SEntertainment. Tickets cost $15 to $45.

There was a time when baby-faced white boys with husky voices seemed to rule the airwaves, whether they wielded rebellious, sneering attitudes or softboi crooner vibes. Lifehouse's "Hanging by a Moment" is practically the epitome of the latter, while Switchfoot skirts the love songs for inspirational nice-guy fare. These bands share much more than names that combine two seemingly unrelated worlds, so if you're into the mellow rock of sensitive dudes with longing looks, bring an extra pair of panties to throw at the stage for this show. 7 p.m. Friday at Bayfront Park Amphitheater, 301 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 305-358-7550; bayfrontpark.amphitheatermiami.com. Tickets cost $14 to $173.

Friday: J. Phlip.
Friday: J. Phlip.
Vitali Gelwich Photography

Saturday

An overweight white guy singing '90s R&B and boy-band ballads between beat-boxing anecdotes of his dating history might sound kind of tragic. But Richy Leis makes it funny and will win you over with all the impressive sounds coming out of his mouth. His Comic Cure set is one of three shows he's doing in Miami for his So Stupid tour. 8:30 p.m. Saturday at South Miami-Dade Cultural Arts Center, 10950 SW 211th St., Cutler Bay; 786-573-5300; smdcac.org. Tickets cost $20.

Maybe you're just now hearing about the Ludlam Trail, but the historic sites in its South Miami area have been bringing together families and linking them to Florida's past for decades. The Ludlam Trail organization and the Miami Association of Realtors are celebrating that history with the Ludlam Trail Carnival, complete with fairground rides, games, food, and a car show. The festival offers families the opportunity to explore the neighborhood of A.D. Barnes Park while chomping on elephant ears and getting dizzy on the Tilt-A-Whirl. 3 p.m. Saturday at A.D. Barnes Park, 3401 SW 72nd Ave., Miami; ludlamtrail.org. Admission is free.

E11even does everything big, so it's no surprise the club would go all-out for the big Mayweather vs. McGregor bout. E11even will show the fight on multiple TVs, but most important, it will be broadcast on the club's massive 16-foot rooftop LED screen and a colossal 30-foot LED screen inside. Surround sound will be broadcast throughout the fight. UFC ring girl Arianny Celeste will host the party. 7 p.m. Saturday at E11even, 29 NE 11th St., Miami; 305-829-2911; 11miami.com. Tickets cost $20 for women and $30 for men.

To say Mark Farina is a veteran of electronic music is an almost comical understatement. With almost two dozen releases and appearances at every electronic festival you can think of, Farina has been bringing beats to the aurally adventuresome since the late '80s. See him at the Pickle, where you can bop along till the sun rises, which would be a short set for the house-meets-jazz-meets-psychedelics DJ. 10 p.m. Saturday at Electric Pickle, 2826 N. Miami Ave., Miami; 305-456-5613; electricpicklemiami.com. Tickets cost $20.

What becomes of hipsters who wear tie-dye, dabble in raves, and take gender studies courses at college? They become actual hippies, who jaunt off to Burning Man, a weirdo fest in the Nevada desert that now attracts youthful tastemakers. It's no surprise then that musicians who will perform at that psychedelic fiesta are headed to Miami Beach's electronic enclave Do Not Sit on the Furniture for a series of shows. Up this week is Berlin's Mira, spinning minimalist house that's perfect for both a cool desert night and a dark, sweaty beach venue. 10 p.m. Saturday at Do Not Sit on the Furniture, 423 16th St., Miami Beach; donotsitonthefurniture.com; 510-551-5067. Admission costs $10 to $20.

A brainy-looking mask with a penis-shaped snout adorns the head of Berlin-based artist and music-maker Anklepants. Perhaps Vice's Noisey blog said it best: "To be clear: this guy wears an animatronic dildo mask and his voice and music is controlled by sensors located in his suit?" That wasn't really a question. The guy behind Anklepants creates prosthetics and animatronics for big-time movies such as Star Wars: Episode 3 and Prometheus. Local experimental beatmaker Otto Von Schirach is bringing Anklepants to town for a show also featuring performances by Poorgrrrl, Gami, Trash, Viper & Piper, and Otto himself. Von Schirach has dubbed the event a "superweird dance-party session," which kind of goes without saying. 9 p.m. Saturday at TBC Autonomy, 229 NE 65th St., Miami; ottovonschirach.com. Admission costs $5.

According to frontman and only remaining original member of Social Distortion Mike Ness, the band's upcoming album will be its best ever. That's saying a lot for a group that's been around since the mid-'80s and has written anthems of angst such as "Story of My Life" and "Ball and Chain." The bandmates will no doubt tease us with previews of their latest efforts during their tour, so get cozy at Revolution for a chance to reminisce and glimpse the future. 7 p.m. Saturday at Revolution Live, 100 SW Third Ave., Fort Lauderdale; 954-449-1025; jointherevolution.net. Tickets cost $35 to $38.

Saturday: Mark Farina.
Saturday: Mark Farina.
Courtesy MHM After Hours

Sunday

In the year 2017, plenty of men still earnestly argue that women can't be funny. But even in Donald Trump's male-dominated white supremacy, there's room for females and female-identifying improvisers to wet audiences' panties through laughter. Kat Kenny Improv and Just the Funny Improv Comedy are hosting the Women in Improv Summit, Pt. Dos, where improv actors at any level or from any background are welcome to build a community and explore their experiences to foster a more inclusive environment for funny femmes. 3 p.m. Sunday at Just the Funny Improv Comedy, 3119 Coral Way, Miami; 305-693-8669; facebook.com/jtfcomedy. Admission price TBD.

Monday

When Nazis are shamelessly marching in America, it's important to take some cues from history. Marlene Dietrich wasn't just a stunning actress whose heavy eyelids and enticing personality mark her in the world's collective memory. She was also a woman of great conviction. To protest Nazis in the 1930s, she renounced her German nationality. Marlene Is Back, a theatrical performance featuring Cyrielle Clair as Dietrich, will profile this great actress and perhaps also give us insight into an era we hope to never repeat. 8 p.m. Monday at the Colony Theatre, 1040 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach; 800-211-1414; colonymb.com. Tickets cost $45 to $65.

Much like that herpes strain that never really goes away, Coldplay is returning to the world's stadiums for a seventh time. The A Head Full of Dreams Tour will bring Goop-y ex Chris Martin and his British alt-rock band to Hard Rock Stadium for an unforgettable experience of piano playing, laser lights, and pyrotechnics. For sure the effects will awaken something in you if the emotional tunes fail to do so. 7 p.m. Monday at Hard Rock Stadium, 347 Don Shula Dr., Miami Gardens; hardrockstadium.com. Tickets cost $131 and up.

Tuesday

"Don't" launched the career of rapper, singer, and songwriter Bryson Tiller. Bred in Louisville, Kentucky, the 24-year-old not only crafts his own tunes but also fine-tunes others' songs. Last year at the BET Awards, he was named Best New Artist and Best Male R&B/Pop Artist. Now Tiller is on the road promoting Set It Off, along with H.E.R. and Metro Boomin, and is headed to Miami to bring some smooth sounds to the masses. 7 p.m. Tuesday at the Watsco Center, 1245 Dauer Dr., Coral Gables; watscocenter.com. Tickets cost $39.50 to $49.50. 

Wednesday

If you've never seen Iggy Pop IRL, here's your chance. The Stooges frontman will chat with Sweat Records owner Lolo Reskin about the life and times of the punk icon. The discussion will wrap up with a screening of American Valhalla, which details the collaboration between Pop and Queens of the Stone Age frontman Joshua Homme. The rockumentary explores the making of the album Post Pop Depression and offers exclusive interviews that will revive punk from the dead. 7:30 p.m. Wednesday at O Cinema Miami Beach, 500 71st St., Miami Beach; o-cinema.org. Tickets cost $15.

You cannot open your eyes without seeing Ed Sheeran's big redheaded noggin somewhere. The Grammy winner popped up as a feeder and new friend of Arya Stark in Game of Thrones, and he was the famous guy Bridget asks to take her photo in Bridget Jones's Baby. Sway to "Shape of You" and "Castle on the Hill" with thousands of other pop music lovers when he takes the stage with special guest James Blunt. Sheeran is promoting his third album, with a title that looks like a plus sign but is pronounced divide. Muse on that. 7:30 p.m. Tuesday at American Airlines Arena, 601 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 786-777-1000; aaarena.com. Tickets are sold out.

Cubans make the best cigars, and you know what Miami has a lot of? Cubans. Therefore, the region has some quality cigars. So of course South Florida would host a fine cigar event such as Black Smoke Miami. Put on by StogieTV, Black Smoke is an opportunity to enjoy the flavors of lit tobacco over five days. The event includes Ash Wednesday in Hollywood, a Caribbean Takeover, happy hour at Iguana Pines, a mansion party, and a rooftop pool party. Check out facebook.com/Stogietv for exact locations. 7 p.m. Wednesday at various locations, starting at Cuenca Cigars, 1928 Harrison St., Hollywood; stogietv.com. Admission costs $50 to $1,000.

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