If there's one holiday that brings a lot of baggage, it's Valentine's Day. The highly profitable holiday tends to incite burning passions on both sides. This weekend's love-o-rama will greet you everywhere you turn, so might as well find a way to enjoy it. Whether you're half of a couple who's feeling the pressure to perform — or a begrudging single who wishes Cupid would just die already — we're here to help you make the most out of February 14. Go forth and find love, y'all.
10. The Dating Game at the Hall South Beach
Nothing says old-school dating like dinner and a show. Add The Dating Game to the mix and it's the ultimate throwback. Here, the 40-year-old matchmaking spectacle will make a major comeback as bachelors and bachelorettes interview three hidden (prospective) love matches in hopes of scoring a hot V-day date. Miami's own laugh riot, Kristy Figueras, will serve as emcee, and attendees will nosh on la carte food from Sunny’s (the new eatery by Top Chef Spike Mendelsohn) – with items priced at $10 to $15. And of course, there'll be cocktails (at $10 each). Let the awkwardness ensue. It will surely be a spectacle for couples who have already found love.
Saturday, February 13, from 8 to 10 p.m. at The Hall South Beach, 1500 Collins Avenue. Event is free. First come, first served.
9. Valentine's Day Burlesque and Comedy Event at Gramps
Get your significant other in the mood for some bedroom choreography with this burlesque-meets-comedy mash-up. Promising "sass, humor, and sex appeal," the Divas & Dolls burlesque troop (with performances by Valentino Royale and CoCo Le Bod) will take to the stage with its seductive stylings. On the comedy side, Lisa Corrao (Comedy Central, Nickelodeon), Pam Bruno (Ultimate Miami Comedian Winner 2015) and Julie Baez (Comedy Zone) will help stoke your sense of humor about the V-word.
Friday, February 12, 8 p.m. and 10:30 p.m. at Gramps, 176 NW 24th St. Tickets are $15 to $25 each. Visit ticketfly.com.
8. The Love Boat
The Dating Game isn't the only iconic '60s TV series making an appearance. Meet The Love Boat — Miami's sexiest sail. This Valentine's Day yacht party will be hosted on the swanky South Beach Lady, and attendees will spend the late night hours cruising around Biscayne Bay, dancing, drinking, and canoodling. With a VIP package you can even score a bottle of your choice and chocolate-covered strawberries. Sexy.
Saturday, February 13, the boat boards at 11:30 p.m and returns at 4 a..m. at Bayfront Park, 401 Biscayne Blvd. Tickets are $130 for couples, $75 for singles. Visit Eventbrite.com to purchase.
7. Tinder Marathon
Some might say Valentine's Day weekend is the worst choice for a Tinder date. But why not turn that idea around? Instead of putting the pressure on one potential match, lineup a date-a-thon. Choose a handful of Tinder if's and meet for coffee, a walk on the beach, lunch, drinks, and so on. With that many dudes or dames in a row, you'll hone your dating skills and maybe — just maybe — meet a match worth Netflix and chilling with.
6. A Love Letter to Myself at Villain Theater
In the style of Galentine's Day, this female-focused self-love-a-thon will showcase women in comedy and address what it means to love yourself as a woman in 2016. First, there will be a speed networking, and then an all-female comedy show. Because we all need more laughter in our lives.
Thursday, February 11, 6:30 p.m. at Villain Theater at MADE at the Citadel, 8325 NE Second Ave. Tickets cost $12. Visit villaintheater.com.
5. Bikes and Bourbon at Wynwood Yard
If you've always dreamt of an adventure with a hottie on a Harley, Bikes and Bourbon is the pseudo singles mixer you've been waiting for. Miami's bike scene will come together for a good time, all at the hottest new hangout. There will be bourbon punch ($6), bourbon sours ($7), and bourbon shots ($7), so you can get enough liquid courage to ask the James Dean lookalike or the Natalie Wood double for a ride.
Friday, February 12, 8 to 10 p.m. at the Wynwood Yard. Admission is free. RSVP at Eventbrite.com.
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4. The Love Shack at Thompson Miami Beach
If you're lookin' for the love getaway, this super sexy mashup of old and new romance is right up your alley. The pop-up event will be be set in the hotel’s classic cocktail lounge, 1930s House. Single or attached, there'll be plenty of ways to stay entertained, including an interactive “Feel Me Up, Turn Me On” exhibit, courtesy of The Wolfsonian; a photo kissing booth where you can smooch with your partner or a total stranger; backyard games; and playtime with WhoNow's love life organizing app.
Saturday, February 13, from 8 p.m. to 12 a.m. at 1930s House at The Thompson Miami Beach, 4041 Collins Avenue. RSVP to RSVP@workshopcollective.com.
3. Galentine's Day Brunch
In honor of your female friends, make like Parks and Recreations' Leslie Knope and host an xx chromosome-only brunch. Pick a place with bottomless mimosas or epic bloodys, and raise a toast to the awesomeness of all things lady. Have each attendee bring a G-day gift for trade, and bring loads of party favors for obnoxious noise making. To really up the ante, have each friend pick another guest's name out of a hat, then give a little speech about why that person is so awesome — it's basically a recipe for waterworks. It will be like the Lilith Fair music festival, minus the angst.
2. Cupid's Undie Run
Nothing says lovin' like running in your skivvies. Cupid's Undie Run is a chance to let it all hang out — literally — as you cruise your way around Wynwood. Raise $250, and you can follow it up with an open bar. Because mingling in your underwear will require some serious social lubricant. Now you finally have an excuse to wear that super-sexy corset out in public. Meow.
Saturday, February 13, 2 p.m. at Mana Wynwood, 2250 NW Second Ave. Registration costs $55. Visit CupidsUndieRun.com.
1. Cards Against Humanity Party
Instead of Hallmark-style sap, turn this Valentine's Day weekend around with everyone's favorite form of offensive entertainment: Cards Against Humanity. Invite an array of attendees — singles, couples, randoms, etc. — diversity makes for a better game, anyway. Whip up some sweet snacks, and laugh till you pee.