As if we needed another excuse to party and feel totally ashamed about we the money spent last night, the new year is here to make us feel extra-guilty about how shitty we've actually become and how badly we wasted our year. And we're not just talking about getting too drunk at da club: It's high time we Miamians start looking toward the future optimistically and actinging like upstanding citizens of the world-class city we live in. If you're tired of being the basic bitch you've become, stick to these ten New Year's resolutions in 2016.
Miamians are known for being some of the worst drivers on the planet, and
Like any new city, Miami is working out some growing pains, but it's not exactly productive to spend all of your time complaining about it. You can say Miami is devoid of intellectuals, you can talk about the bad traffic or the gold-diggers, or you can choose to concentrate on all the good that our gorgeous city offers: year-round wonderful weather, a cultural diversity unlike any other in the United States, and tons of room for growth. Take 2016 to be less hostile and spread a little more positivity instead.
Stop making duck faces
Guys, the duck face ain't cute, and Miami's obsession with social media isn't so hot either. In fact, we're one of the most selfie-obsessed cities in the nation, third only to a city in the
Get off Tinder
Let's face it — dating in Miami can be awful. It's hard to find someone to connect with in a city that's perpetually concerned with club-hopping instead of settling down. But we're not making it any better by using dating apps like Tinder, which make the business of finding a mate slightly dubious and cheapens the experience. If you're complaining about the lack of quality girls and dudes in Miami, it's time to get off Tinder, because even if potential mates are hard to find, you probably won't be getting any closer by swiping right.
Duck face à la Miley.
Courtesy of Miley Cyrus Instagram
Seriously, drive better
We can't stress the importance of being more patient on the road in Miami. Stop jumping medians, quit being an asshole in the parking lot, and, for the love of God, stop for pedestrians and use your damn turn signal!
Step out of your comfort zone
Miami is a sprawling city, so it's not exactly easy to get around without a car. But if you're lucky enough to own a set of wheels, you owe it to yourself to get out and explore everything Miami has to offer. Set up a picnic in Shark Valley, visit Fairchild Tropical Botanic Garden, or visit your friends in Kendall more often and allow yourself to connect more despite the long distances.
Speaking of sprawling, we're willing to bet you've always dreamed of public transportation in Miami. Or maybe you hate the way condos are built over once-historic properties, or the way our politicians drive up parking rates. Whatever the case, it's time you take matters into your own hands by engaging more with local politics. Decisions get made because people don't care — just look at the disastrous 2014 primaries: Rick Scott got elected, Pam Bondi tried to block gay marriage, and Florida took a couple of giant steps backward. In 2016, vow to make yourself savvy about things you can do to change Miami.
Now more than ever, Miami is undergoing a cultural renaissance, and there are plenty of ways you can get inspired. From spending the day roaming Pérez Art Museum Miami to getting acquainted with the various black-box theaters in Wynwood or catching a film at one of the many arthouses across the city, there's no reason to complain about a lack of culture in Miami anymore.
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We may have lost one of our most beloved concert venues (Grand Central) this past summer, but that doesn't mean there aren’t plenty of other options for catching a good show in Miami. And what's the key to guaranteeing that we keep getting the best talent the world has to offer? Go to more shows. Buy more tickets. When venues don't make money by bringing your favorite indie bands because you didn't want to fork over $30 to see them, it limits the choices — and keeps the price totally jacked up.
Reduce, re-use, and recycle
Miami is sinking. Despite what Governor Scott says, if you live in Miami, you know we have a serious issue with climate change and rising sea levels, and it's up to us to get that under control if we want to call Miami home for the next 50 years. So start recycling, stop driving your car so much, and spend more time petitioning your local officials to get a clue about global warming.
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