MORE

Ten Signs You've Lived in Miami Too Long

Miami is a beautiful city, a corrupt metropolis, a straight-up strange place full of weirdos. It's a diverse, messed-up, exotic destination. No wonder the tourists always look so shell-shocked.

Hell, even if you call Miami home, it's easy to lose yourself here. And that's not always a good thing.

Face it: Too much time spent in this city has the potential to change a person. It might change you for the better; you'll probably pick up some Spanish, for instance, if you weren't raised speaking it. But it might also give you a few bad habits -- and we're not talking about just hookers and yeyo.

If you find yourself exhibiting any of the below symptoms, it's probably time to get out of town.

See also: Ten Signs You're a Miami Art Snob

Ten Signs You've Lived in Miami Too Long
TexasDex/Wikimedia Commons

9. You own one or more pairs of Uggs.

Like any other art form, fashion is judged partly by its context. And if you're wearing Uggs in Miami, sorry, but the context is sweaty feet. Even if you grew up in Miami, there are maybe -- maybe -- two or three weeks a year when your feet are comfortably cozy in Uggs. And if you're the kind of person willing to pay upward of $150 for footwear you can't even use for a full month, that paints you a different shade of ugly. Pack up those boots and go to Aspen until you remember how great it feels to wear flip-flops.

 

8. You have developed boob blindness.

It's one thing to be unbothered, or even turned on, by all the giant, perky fake boobs you see in this town. It's another to be entirely oblivious. Whether you're male or female, gay or straight, you can't help noticing some of the racks in this town. (After all, many of them were built solely for attention-getting purposes.)

Love them or hate them, enormous fake boobs should never fall into your definition of normal. If you've developed boob blindness -- the inability to notice or recognize fake double-F cups -- it's time to get out of town and surround yourself with unenhanced women. Think of it as a refresher course in basic human anatomy.


Sponsor Content

Newsletters

All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >