Ten Miami Guys You've Probably Dated
4. You prefer Starbucks over Cuban coffee.
You're gonna blow $4 on a weak-ass pumpkin spice latte when the café around the corner serves coladas for a quarter of the price? That is some bullshit right there.
3. The words "Memorial Day" do not give you cold sweats.
Ditto the phrases "Art Basel" and "WMC." When you first move to Miami, it seems like living in town during these times will be a convenient party perk. But once you've been through them once or twice, you'll realize: These are the busiest times of the year in Miami, and they make this town damn near unbearable for anyone not participating in them. Whenever possible, veteran South Floridians book out-of-town vacations to avoid them.
2. You weren't "born and raised."
How do you know when someone is from Miami? They'll tell you. And they'll say it exactly like this: "From Miami, born and raised." (Proof: The first verse of the Pitbull song above.) It's a point of pride for locals in this largely transient community of out-of-towners and immigrants: They were here first, and therefore they own this town. You could spend the next 50 years down here, but if you weren't "born and raised," you'll always be missing that certain something.
1. You're not allowed to make fun of Miami yet.
Look, Miamians know their city is weird and corrupt and looked down upon by the rest of the nation. They know outsiders love to hate on its drugs and its sports fans and its glitzy reputation. That's why they're extra-protective of their hometown, and they'll let you know it -- especially if you're a newbie coming in mocking the city's quirks. If your joke about the suck-tastic Marlins gets you into a bar fight, you know you're still an interloper. But if it earns you a drink from the fan sitting next to you, you might just have become a Miamian.
Follow Ciara LaVelle on Twitter @ciaralavelle.
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