Little kitty cats and puppies. Maybe a chimp or Curious George. And there's always the two-person horse costume. All Halloween classics, but none have that modern edge of cynicism that you need to make a splash on October 31.Today, nothing says Halloween better than costumes that spit in the face of Mother Nature and her most innocent children. Luckily, every year that passes presents a bevy of new environmental holocausts which give dirt bags a wide selection of choices on how to dress up and give the People Against the Ethical Treatment of Animals(PETA) cardiac distress.
1. Grizzly Man
On first thought, the gruesome death of Grizzly Man, Timothy Treadwell, could be taken as a lesson for humans not to mess with the animal kindgdom. But, in reality, the episode and movie, gave us just another excuse to keep taking potshots at bears. If you're a real prick you'll walk around on Halloween as a partially eaten Grizzly Man with a recording of what the actual mauling sounded like.
2. Blackened Tuna
This one is sure to be a big hit this year with the oil slick courtesy of British Petroleum still lingering in our minds and beaches. Pop open a container of Castrol and douse yourself with its contents. Remember, don't light up a pack of Camels in this get-up.
3. Maimed Manatee
Near and dear to the heart of most Floridians, sea cows are our lumbering friends who aren't smart enough or quick enough to get out of the way of propellers. Nothing says I hate nature and everything that is pure in this world like a costumed manatee with red gashes in its belly. A slightly less offensive version has a manatee carrying a "No wake" sign.
4. Gator Eating a Dog
A great way to counteract those losers that dress up their dogs on Halloween as if the rest of us think it's cute. Get a gator outfit, half of a stuffed dog toy and a lot of ketchup and you're golden.
5. Skinny Polar Bears
There's a lot of ways you can go with this one to really get the PETA folks up in arms. Try a polar bear suit with a drill in hand (looking for oil), a suit balancing on a tiny piece of Styrofoam ice or just use a sign to make the point clear for daft trick or treaters.
6. Beakless Chicken
What came first the chicken or the beak? We don't know but watching documentaries of beakless chicks is a truly disturbing experience, which means it makes for one great costume. Hard to get across? Sure, it's like dressing like a bird without wings, but if just one person recognizes the effort and is truly disgusted then you've done your job.
7. Pelican Choking on Plastic Rings
It's hard to find a giant size of the stringy plastic that things that hold together six packs but if you can, then wrap it around your head and body and flail to the delight of fowl haters everywhere.
8. Whale Wars
All you need is a harpoon, some confused Japanese sailors and crazy hippies with road rage of the ocean variety and you have the makings of a Halloween classic. OK, so that's a tall order. But it's worth it. It's the type of costume that will have people say to you, "you're an asshole!" Again, that's the equivalent of Halloween love.
9. Panda Bear Headdress
This one will only resonate if you saw the movie Tropic Thunder and thought the scene where Ben Stiller shanks a Panda Bear was funny. This one is guaranteed to get one laugh. But it will stop there.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
10. Clubbed Seals
The phrase "club you like a seal" has become part of our everyday lexicon after a particularly morbid PBS documentary. What better way to show your insensitivity than with this truly tasteless outfit. As there are not a lot of seal owners out there you'll probably escape your own beating for dressing up like a clubbed seal.