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Ten Cringeworthy Tweets From 17-Year-Old Child Bride Courtney Stodden

Courtney Stodden, the child bride of 51-year-old Doug Hutchison (who played the gross correctional officer in The Green Mile, Toons from The X-Files, and Horace Goodspeed from Lost) just celebrated her 17th birthday this week. And as you piece together the blown bits of your mind in order to fully digest the fact that a 51-year-old man married a 16-year-old girl, it gets creepier. Way creepier. For instance, this is how Stodden decided to Tweet farewell to her last day of being 16:

Celebrating the last night of being sweet-n-sexy 16 by wearing NOTHING but my tasty bday-suit! Mmm; Yummy! ;-)

And there's more -- way more goose-bump and vomit-inducing brain farts to be found on her Twitter page @CourtneyStodden. Get ready to cringe and dry heave.

And Stodden's jailbait Tweets aren't just disturbing. If you believe

that these Tweets are actually conducted in Stodden's own overly

peroxided head (and it isn't Hutchison creating the tweets himself), it

becomes evident in the language she uses that she's no dimwitted Lolita.

She actually has a great sense for language and could have quite a career as an editor in chief at any major adult or Village Voice Media publication if she really set her sights sort of high. But most likely she won't.

She'll just continue to beguile us with her tweets of gold, so absurd

they're almost like hilarious poetry. So in honor of Stodden's 17th

birthday, here's ten of her greatest tweets (which has only been around

since July 1st):

10. Why is her body moist? Is she made of delicious cupcakes?

9. Man, someone cool her down with a Popsicle, STAT!

8. What is this "it" she is referring to? Spay paint? A Polaroid picture? Shake N Bake? A bobble-hula girl? Pepto Bismol? Doug's hand? Or is it a disgusting combo of all five?

 
5. The splits? She can do more than one split at a time? How does that

work? Does she have multiple sets of legs? Is she actually an

octopus-woman born under the sea from the egg of lady squid who was

unruly with a male porn star who likes to partake in scuba diving and

aquatic bestiality in his spare time? It all makes sense now!

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