By now, most of you have watched the So You Want to Move to Miami Xtranormal vid. If not, the gist is that a lady who wants to move to our city is discouraged by a travel agent who is so sickened by the poor quality of life here, he almost vomits. Harsh. It hurts to watch the video, because much of it feels true. We do hate flying out of MIA, and yes, it does have something to do with the fact that it feels more like a reggaeton concert than an airport.
But when the video bluntly asks, "Why the hell would you want to live in Miami?," we want to kick the travel agent in the balls and then show him our calendar of events. The world may identify us with parties like Ultra and its satellite events (i.e. gang rape), but the truth is that Miami's culture is meaty and inspired. Here are the ten best things to do this weekend.
- O, Miami Opening Night Pig Roast: We couldn't be more excited that such an ambitious and innovative poetry festival is unfolding on our shores. Wasn't it just a few months ago that we were voted the ninth dumbest city in America? Well, assholes, we just landed a date with the U.S. poet laureate.
Sunni Patterson: In conjunction with O, Miami, this poet from New Orleans' ninth ward performs at Books & Books tonight for Tigertail's WordSpeak event. Nothing we could we write about Patterson will be more convincing then the below video of her Def Poetry Jam performance:
House of Pain: File this event under pure, indulgent nostalgia. When their "Jump Around" single peaked in the early '90s, we were fist pumping at our classmates' bat mitzvahs. Good times.
- Marlins Season Opener: We have trouble including this one, because we find baseball so incredibly boring. But we hear a lot of you are into watching overpaid men stand around and spit..so, horray! Tonight is the first Marlins game of the season. And Pitbull plays tomorrow night after the game.
- Jamie Kennedy: He may have won the Golden Raspberry Award nomination for Worst Actor for his role in Son of the Mask, but we hear he's pretty good behind a stand-up mic.
- In the Heights: The Broadway musical is only in town until Sunday, so check out the Dominican-American drama and songs this weekend.
- River Day Festival: Jam bands! Historical reenactments! Free boat rides! Should be fun.
- Abe's Penny Live: Come hear live readings, gawk at some of Miami's best photography, and scribble something for a chance at being published in a little micro-magazine from Brooklyn.
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- South Florida History Challenge: If it were up to us, this event would be held in a pub with some booze, but alas, testing your local trivia knowledge in brightly lit, sober environs should be fun too.
- Eco-Fashion for a Better World: See trash turned into treasure at Sunday's eco-fashion runway show and subsequent exhibit at the Albion Hotel.