If you think that a simple trip down to Party City will be good enough for a night out in Miami on Halloween this year, you're wrong. Sure, it'll get through the door at your neighbor's lame boo bash, but if you really want to make statement this year, Cultist has you covered.
2011 was a great year for celebrity gossip, and to celebrate, we have compiled a list of our favorite characters that will surely earn you the best costume award wherever you head out on October 31. Check 'em out after the jump.
10. Toddlers & Tiaras: Who knew that a group of young children whose mothers liked to dress them like drag queens would make such a statement. The Toddlers and Tiaras girls really shook things up in 2011 and we think it's time we celebrate them and the fact they will inevitably have a baby at their prom. For all you ladies, there is a very good chance you have your old, over-beaded prom gown or perhaps that bridesmaid's dress your cousin made you wear. Take one of those gems, head over to your local party store for a crown and sash, and you're good to go. If you want to feel and look like Miss Grand Supreme, put every curler in your household into your hair and get that beehive all the way up to Jesus.
9. The NBA Lockout: If you're an NBA fan, we know part of you is dying inside because the National Basketball Association has canceled the first two weeks of the regular season. Because it's going to be a minute before your jersey sees the inside of a stadium, throw on your favorite NBA gear and grab a cardboard sign: "Will play for food" or "NBA Veteran. Anything would help. Porsche payment is due. God bless."
8. Courtney Stodden: Remember when you heard the news that that creepy guy from Lost had married a 17-year-old girl? While the news was shocking, the fact that it was a legal marriage made us personally question our legal system. We would like to thank Doug Hutchison for being such a child predator and bringing Courtney Stodden into our lives. How could we ever live without tweets like, "Wildly wiggling & jauntily jiggling myself to jolting jams as I friskily flaunt a flirty outfit completed w/sexy white 7in. go-go boots! ;-)" So all you wannabe child sluts, go get your tightest dress, a messy blonde wig and if you can grab your dad for extra effect, well, we suggest you do.
7. Amy Winehouse Through The Years: We actually did lose a real talent this year. It's strange that when she was alive, all we could think when we saw her was, "get it together." Now when we listen to her music, we cant help but think, "shit these are some good jams." And it brings you back to the times where she was just a little British girl with big hair and an even bigger voice. May we suggest an Amy Winehouse tribute group costume. Start with a very retro chic dress and a perfect updo. Make sure that poof is Winehouse worthy, of course. Continue to move down the years--Amy wondering the streets of London in a red bra and jeans; a white tank top and jean cut offs with eyeliner running down her face; and that infamous bong and blue panties look.
6. Uniboob: If you haven't heard about Dinora Rodriguez and her uniboob, let us catch you up. A Los Angeles woman goes in for a breast enhancement. She goes in wit two boobs, but came out with one. Medically speaking, her surgeon cut across two "pockets" of breast tissue, which allowed the implants to touch at the middle and create the look of a single breast, or "uniboob" as we are calling it. So if you're looking to go a little casual this Halloween, grab a low cut tank, tape your goods together, push 'em up, and you're on your way. Boys, same thing, but get some balloons and a brown curly wig for a truly convincing look, and be sure to cake on the make up. We've seen this woman, and she isn't playing when it comes to her beauty routine.
Gage Skidmore, Flickr
5. The Bachmanns: As a women, we respect women making moves in government. But when a woman is proudly speaking out on things like The Lion King being gay propaganda and how visiting Iraq was like visiting the Mall of America, its hard not to make fun of her. Of course we're talking about Michele Bachmann. And lets not even talk about her
obviously homosexual husband who thinks he can cure the gays. So for any couple looking to turn it out this year, we suggest the Bachmanns. Ladies, grab your mom's oldest and tackiest suit, preferably one with shoulder pads. And me, go into dad's closet and pick out an ill fitting suit that's hard on the eyes. If you can add a touch of rainbow flag, you'll really be doing yourself a favor.
4. Casey Anthony: If you've ever caught an episode of Chelsea Lately, you know Ms. Handler really likes to make fun of the state Florida and the dumb shit we do. Casey Anthony didn't help that cause. If you are looking to dress up America's most hated woman, there are just so many options for you. You can go the hot body contest route with a short blue dress from the clearance rack at K-mart and some hooker boots, or perhaps "Court Casey" with her pulled back Utah hair and terrible collared shirt. Maybe carry around some car keys and don't speak a lick of truth the whole night and you will be a dead ringer.
3. Kim Kardashian and Her Wedding Party: If your mom has been pushing her larger than life wedding gown on you for years and you have a couple of friends with white dresses, shall we introduce Kim Kardashian's wedding party. If your mother is anything like ours,she has a dress lying around that looks somewhat like a creme puff, so throw that thing on. Remember those jeweled headpieces that were cool like two years ago? Yes, please put that on too.
2. Steve Jobs: For all you nerds out there, we found your Halloween costume. And this isn't just for the people with 170 IQs. If you just love your iPhone or MacBook, grab your dad's black turtleneck and classic circle specs. If there was ever a time to honor your CEO hero, it's now.
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1. Pregnant Beyonce & Jay-Z: If you ever take a look at your checking account and get a little down in the dumps, let us make it worse. Currently, Beyonce is pregnant with a fetus that is no doubt richer than you will ever be. Or is she? Heard the theory this whole "I am with child" thing is a scam? Her time on a Australian TV show called Sunday Night HD started it but we refuse to believe it due to the fact we worship Beyonce. If you and your lover are looking for the perfect costume, tell him to go throw on his darkest denim, perfectly white wife beater, and some Timberland boots. For the Beyonce, any skintight dress with a beach ball under it will work. But make sure your hair and make up are flawless. If you can find the gorgeous coral moo moo like dress she was wearing the night of MTV Video Music Awards, well, put a ring on it.