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Ten Absurd and Awesome Water Toys for a Wet and Wild Summer

Yeah, someone's gonna get hurt. Awesomely.
Yeah, someone's gonna get hurt. Awesomely.

It's hot out there, you guys. And there's only so much time you can spend indoors before you start feeling more isolated than Katie Holmes. Thankfully, there's water -- and absurdly fun water toys.

>What better way to beat the heat than with water toys, beach accessories and pool accouterments? In this era of SkyMall, pool toy technology has evolved far beyond inflatable water wings. Some of these toys are clearly intended for children, however, but in our estimation that only makes them ideal for drunken adult beachgoers. Hell, if nothing else, they'll keep you moist, even if the water is a less-than refreshing 90 degrees.

So here are the top 10 wildest, wackiest, most ridiculously awesome toys and trinkets to make your steamy summer even sweeter.

Rockin' and rollin'
Rockin' and rollin'
Courtesy of Splash Pools

10. When was the last time you got your see-saw on? And we can only imagine the joys of this playground fave ;are that much more awesome in the water. Plus, any water device that looks like a giant banana is cool with us. So make like a rocking horse and get your roll on.

The perfect place to park your Riva.
The perfect place to park your Riva.
Courtesy of Heritage

9. We might just move in here. It comes complete with boat, ring buoys, and a removable roof raft. And hell, it can always double as a storage shed for that Riva you've been neglecting. Some Everglades redneck is living out of one of these things right this second, we guarantee it.

 

8. Your beer will now travel with you as you conquer the many challenges of a day in your pool. And yes, it will be cold. The real test here is finding an appropriate float buddy with whom to share your frosty bevs. Is Mr. Graphic Shorts looks like he'll become a never-ending fountain of "that's what she said" jokes after beer two. Poor choice, girl.

Aim for the cornhole.
Aim for the cornhole.
Courtesy of ToySplash

7. Ah, corn hole. Everyone's favorite dirtily-named bar game (requiring just enough concentration to make it difficult while drinking) is now also a pool game. Instead of challenging your wasted-ass friends to an epic battle on a sweltering patio, you can challenge your wasted-ass friends to an epic battle in your backyard pool. Just try to keep the butt jokes in check, okay?

 

Genius. Einstein would be proud.
Genius. Einstein would be proud.
Courtesy of ToySplash

6. Beach days require beverages. And any good alcoholic knows the hazards of sand for a perfectly good beer. Luckily, a bonafide genius invented this simple tool designed to keep your bevvie cold and clean on a summer day in the sand. Dude (or dudette), we salute you.

Get all galactic and shit.
Get all galactic and shit.
Courtesy of Saturn 8.

5. We've all dreamed about sojourns into space. For most of us, the closest we'll get is Prometheus in IMAX 3-D. But this Saturn-style rolly ball is probably the next best thing. With enough of a buzz (and preferably, a life jacket), you might even believe you've made it to the final frontier. Or you can just throw your friends off into the water like a jerk. Either way.

 

This means war.
This means war.
Courtesy of SlingKing.

4. We can't even begin to list the number of people we want to assault with this thing. Lobbing waterrific weapons a cool 75 yards? Yes please. You might lose a few friends. And your friends might lose a few eyes. But who cares, because you are the ULTIMATE POOL CHAMPION.

Wet & wild.
Wet & wild.
Courtesy of Intex.

3. Remember the days when water-parks were fun? You know, before we were cognizant of the gallons of human waste that made its way into the communal water supply? Well now you can relive the awesomeness of all that slipping and sliding ;in the clean (theoretically) confines of your own backyard. Now if only you had a Dippin' Dots vendor and a giant crowd of screaming children to round out the illusion.

 

Yeah, someone's gonna get hurt. Awesomely.
Yeah, someone's gonna get hurt. Awesomely.

2. Like an at-home version of MXC. Seriously, wouldn't you pay to see your bros making asses of themselves while you watch on, beer in hand? You might have trouble finding a place to put this thing, but trust us -- it'd be worth it. It comes equipped with a climbing wall, a slippery side and a Katapult launcher.

To finance this rather pricey purchase, you can film your own version of Jackass 4, starring your wet, drunk friends.

Your floating vaca has arrived.
Your floating vaca has arrived.
Courtesy of SportsStuff

1. This epic outpost is tops on our list. Seriously, we would see no reason to leave the confines of this floating oasis (aside from the occasional pee break, but duh, there's a center swim hole for that). This water-top resort comes complete with a floating cooler, boarding platform, and detachable top. Forget your pricey vaca plans - just stock up on beer, ice and a semblance of sustenance, and set sail Cuba-way.

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