So NOT a Barney!
So NOT a Barney!

Ten '90s Heartthrobs You'd Never Admit You Had a Crush On

There are some '90s-era Hollywood hotties  that are a lot like fine wine -- George Clooney, Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt (when he's not sporting the billy goatee), Leonardo DiCaprio (hey, he actually looks like a man now), and Mark Wahlberg -- they just get better with age. Then there's some that are more like Crystal Pepsi -- we're glad their popularity fizzled with the decade.

But that doesn't mean you didn't find some of these human equivalents of the grossest (and most confusing) soda ever produced to be straight-up Baldwins. And don't "As if!" us, we know you thought these guys were the bomb. The proof is scribbled all over your Lisa Frank unicorn Trapper Keeper. So here's ten dudes from the '90s you'd never admit you had a crush on...but you totally did.

1. Jonathan Taylor Thomas
What ever happened to Randy? The cutest Taylor brother from the sitcom Home Improvement? You know, the one that had enough squinty-eyed charisma to inspire hyperactive and confusing teen lust? (What is this strange feeling between my legs?)  Your JTT shrine included the JTT Pinocchio doll, the pink Talkgirl Deluxe playing the Lion King's "He Lives in You"  on constant loop, a lock of hair your BFF sweared on the hotness of Keanu Reeves in Speed was JTT's, and of course, all gazillion of his glossy Teen Beat 8x10 head shots covered in red lipstick kiss marks...and other suspect stains (that's where the strange feeling between your legs was coming from -- paper cuts).

2. Tommy, the White Power Ranger
Sure, the Red Power Ranger was kind of cute during his run as leader, but when Tommy, the White Power Ranger, busted onto the scene, he was by far the mighty morphinest of them all. He had a long, pretty hair, doubled as a ninja, drove something called a shark cycle, and was the same color as our favorite Airheads flavor, "White Mystery", thus making him mysterious, and what girl doesn't like a good mystery...like Goosebumps!

3. Trent from Daria
Sure he was a cartoon, but don't act like your heart didn't skip a beat every time this uber cool, scruffy, quintessential Gen X slacker would jam with his band, Mystik Spiral, in the Lane's garage. He was practically an animated version of Jordan Catalano except Trent never grew up to become an eternal poster child for Hot Topic. See Exhibit A, B, and C.

4. Jason Priestley and/or Luke Perry
Was it the hair? Their intense stares? The fact that both looked like they well into their 30s but were playing teenagers? Whatever it was, these two were so hot in the '90s that Pamela Anderson actually named both her sons after them! And if that little factoid alone isn't enough to keep you mum on an ancient crush, you just need to give it up because both of their hearts forever belong to Kelly Taylor:

5. Hanson:
Unless you're now a lesbian, we really can't offer any further explanation.

6. New Kids on the Block:
So why not Backstreet Boys, 'N Sync, 98 Degrees, LFO, All-4-One, Color Me Badd, Boyzone, or Hi-Five? Because New Kids on the Block had a lot of hits, Chinese food makes us sick, and because NKOTB was the first "boy band." (Before you get your panties in a twist, we know Jackson 5, The Monkees, Menudo, and New Edition did it first, but not with the same flourescent-mall-tour '90s appeal.) NKOTB included Donny (the bad boy), Joey (the cute one), Jordan (the hot one), Danny (the monkey), and Jonathan's (who?) commercial success. Plus, being into the New Kids at one point is a lot more embarrassing than once being a fan of 'N Sync, which led to the success of Justin Timberlake. So if a part of you still can't part with your NKOTB sleeping bag that you brought to your very first slumber party, we understand.

7. Uncle Jesse and/or A.C. Slater...with the mullet
Sure, there's no denying that Jon Stamos and Mario Lopez are certified hunks now and even then....but the hair! THE HAIR! We don't care if it was business in the front, party in the back, seeing old pictures of these two from the '90s breaks out achy breaky hearts.

8. Ross, Joey, or Chandler from Friends
Admitting you had a crush on one of these three guys is like admitting you once rocked "A Rachel."

9. A Ninja Turtle
We're not going to deny the fact that whenever the turtles got in a fight with Shredder and his shirt was slightly torn, revealing his rock hard, 2D 6-pack, we didn't feel a prepubescent tingle. But DON'T LIE -- every girl had their favorite mutated ninja on a half shell, be it Michelangelo, Donatello, Raphael, or Leonardo who you fantasized about slow dancing with under the moonlight, there was at least one you wouldn't have minded splitting a pizza with...even if it had to be consumed in the sewers.

10. Steve Urkel when he became Stefan Urquelle
There's no denying that Steve Urkle was the nerdiest nerd that ever wore a pocket protector in Geekville. But it didn't mean that the actor who played Urkle, Jaleel White, wasn't a cutie. So when Urkle chugged "Cool Juice", "Boss Sauce," or took a whirl in his "transformation chamber" and metamorphosed into Stefan Urquelle your little heart -- just like Laura Winslow's -- fluttered a bit, leaving you thinking "Did I do that?"

Yes you did!

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.

Newsletters

All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories
    Send:

Newsletters

All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >