A couple of weeks ago, we heard that Stephen Glover, aka Steve-O, of Jackass fame, would be at the Miami Improv. We weren't just excited; we were intrigued. The man we have seen staple his testicles to his thigh is going to do a stand-up show? We expected a rehash of Jackass, but without the commercials.
And that's actually what we got, but much more. A lot more.
Here is what we are trying to say: In addition to being brave enough to inflict pain on himself in the name of entertainment, Steve-O is really, genuinely funny. Oh, and really sweet. But we will get to that later.
If you have ever been to the Miami Improv, you know that waiting in a line around the block is protocol. But this evening, there wasn't just one line -- there were two. Steve-O brings a crowd. But as we were walking in, we noticed a topless man taking pictures with a fellow topless man. Mr. Jackass himself was hanging with his fans from the earlier show he had performed that night. "Steve-O, what are you doing?" I asked. "Everyone gets a photo. No matter how long it takes," he said.
Imagine, for a moment, the typical MTV Jackass fan. You know the type: a 20-something frat guy with the IQ of a sloth. Yes, they were there. We actually sat next to a table full of them that repeated every word that came out of Steve-O's mouth. But we soon learned that every sex, color, and race all get a little giggle from Steve-O. Anyone and everyone was there that evening. (All drinking heavily, of course.)
The first comedian out the night was a man named Sisqo. No, not the "Thong Song" guy. (Thank god.) He is a proud Miamian who isn't afraid to discuss the fact that he is a very, very large man and that is due to his love of McDonalds. He actually knows the menu by heart. Part of us wanted to pray for that heart of his.
Next up was fellow 305er Ricky Cruz. Where do we start with Ricky Cruz? While he is very attractive, we are 90 percent sure he was stone-cold wasted. But he did bring Miami humor home, pointing out that the following day was the Calle Ocho festival. "So, how many times do you think the word 'dale' will be used tomorrow?" Ok, that shit is funny.
Moments later, there came Steve-O. In true rock star status, he came out Rocky style to Chris Cross' "Ride Like The Wind." As he began, he addressed the elephant in the room: "Thanks everyone for showing up. What am I doing here, right? Well, I think I am pretty funny." Turns out, he isn't funny -- the man is hysterical. And incredibly gracious, too. He thanked everyone for coming that night about three times.
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Steve-O's act had us imagining we were old friends, just catching up over beers after a couple years of not seeing each other. It was story after story, each funnier than the next. He told of his Clown College graduation, his crooked penis (he swings to the left), anal sex, his hatred for lesbian porno, and confessed that being famous is the main reason he has had so much sex. Here is a direct quote from the man himself: "I mean, look at Jared from Subway. That is the goofiest looking man we have ever seen and we promise you he is pounding vadge right this second."
After telling officially the dirtiest story we had ever heard regarding a stripper farting in his face, he brought out his Jackass skills. Not only did he do a 30-minute stand-up routine, he then showed his bag of tricks. From squeezing lemon in his eye to balancing a knife on his face, it was impossible not to be impressed. And how did he end the whole thing? By getting naked and tucking his crooked penis between his legs. His greatest trick of all, he says. (Talk about a bag of tricks.)
All in all, if you made it out last night, you know the show was truly funny. If you ever get the chance to see Steve-O in person, go. But prepared: it will be, without a doubt, the filthiest thing you ever listen to.