Skrawberry's Rules for Straight Guys in Strip Clubs

Skrawberry's Rules for Straight Guys in Strip Clubs

You know Miami stripper Skrawberry for her rap skills, her political commentary,

and of course, her sexy moves on the pole. Now, you'll also know her

for her sound advice. In this weekly column, Skraw responds to readers'

questions about life, love, and beyond. Got a question for Skraw? Hit

her up at skrawberry@miaminewtimes.com.


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Hey Skraw,,

You told those girls moping around the club what was up! But what about the guys — what kinda annoying s*** do they need to cut out? How respectful do guys have to be? Or do they have to have respect at all?

R-E-S-P-E-C-T


I knew I was gonna get this question sooner or later. Yes, guys are, in fact, known for doin' the most annoying-ass shit in the club. Sometimes they are worse than the hoes!

First things first: Don't come to the club if you ain't got no money. Stay home! And if you with the big man who spending all the money, act accordingly. If dancers are asking the guy for a dance, don't be getting all in the way like you have a say so on anything. Remember, this ain't your money and you ain't spending shit. As a matter of fact, instead of being at the club, go do something to get yo' own money. Dancers hate boppers:

Bopper (noun): A man who be everywhere with all the boys and don't pay no money for nothing; a broke dude who just hang around.

This broke-ass man will sell his soul to the devil to party anywhere, on somebody else's tab. The bopper will do anything for the limelight. The bopper is the biggest hater on the ladies at the club, and will push a bitch down to stand next to any athlete, star, or politician. Don't be a bopper!

Please don't call a dancer over to give you a dance knowing you only got $20 to spend — and what make it worse is the fact that you take the four $5 bills and be tryin' to rub it all on our pussy. Don't think just cause you dance me six songs and tip me on the floor $100 in ones that you don't have to pay me. You still owe me $120, and them ones on that floor is just a tip. If you knew you only had $100, you should've just paid me in my hand!

A few other rules:

If I'm on stage, don't walk to my stage set and throw $6 hard as hell. You gonna throw ya arm out. When you throwing enough ones to make it rain, its all in ya wrist, not ya shoulder!

Don't dance any dancer any amount of money then try to take her home after. Trust and believe if she wanna fuck she will let you know! It will be in her actions. Also, don't dance another dancer all night, then at the end of the night try to take me home. Get my number and call me after you leave the club or the next day instead. You already pre-paid someone else, so call her!

Don't be jumping and bouncin' around the club, whether you are drunk, fake drunk, high, or whatever you are doin. That is unattractive, and you just look like you ain't used to be out. Just relax and vibe!

Don't be grabbing on the dancers in no way, shape, or form — and don't get mad when we snatch away or ask you not to do it. Especially if you ain't spending no money. And if you haven't spent any money, and a dancer diss you, don' get mad and pull all the money out yo' pocket. Whether you have $100 or $5,000, we could really care less 'cause you ain't spendin' and don't plan on spendin'. And if yo' homeboy give you some ones to throw, please throw it!

Don't have yo phone out recording the naked dancers and takin' pictures. Imagine if a girl have a picture of you and put you all on every social site there is to spray.

Don't get mad and try to fight the other niggas who spending money. Go get you some, and maybe you wont be so angry.

If you ain't buy not one bottle at the table you are sittin' next to, don't put yo' mouth around not one bottle brim! You ain't pay for that, and don't nobody want your backwash. Get a damn glass and pour you a cup just like the rest of us. And if you do grab a bottle when the bottles come, at least have the decency to grab the bill and chip in.

If you ain't payin' for shit, please refrain from callin' extra dancers over knowin' you ain't gonna spend no money. And if you do call a dancer, be prepared to pay her out yo' pocket in her hand.

I can go on and on about this, but what's the point? Some men never learn. Everybody already think they bosses. But if you take this advice, you'll actually get respect from yo' strippers.

Skrawberry

Email your questions for Skrawberry to skrawberry@miaminewtimes.com. Follow Skrawberry on Twitter @Skraw_Berry.

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.


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