The Shake Weight Machine is a "dynamic inertia"-driven workout device that sells via TV infomercials you've probably seen during one of those serial killer documentaries on late-night cable. If you've never witnessed this miracle and you think the idea of masturbation as exercise is hilarious, then watch the video. Filmically, the company embraces commercial fitness culture's lamest and most played-out tropes ("Extreme! Get ripped! Uuuunh!") and matches them blow-for-blow with the jackoff-like nature of its product.
That being said, check out the jump for the commercial and our top ten Shake Weight dick jokes. Feel free to insert your own via comment.
10. Shake Weight Machine? I been doing that workout three times a day for the past ten years and all I've got to show for it are a Bangbros.com subscription and a trash full of jizzrags.
9. New official training regimen for every happy-ending massage parlor in America.
8. Pepito: "Dad, do Mom's arms look stronger to you?"
Dad: "No, son. Why?"
Pepito: "'Cause she's been doing the Shake Weight with the poolboy's cock."
7. Director to fitness actor: "Okay, just like that, but less of a grunt, more of a moan, and work it like you're jacking off a horse. Perfect. Hmm ... Do you own a horse?"
6. "Buy two Shake Weights for one special bukkake price!"
5. "Ordinary weights isolate the muscle in only one direction. The Shake Weight blows a nut in your ear hole."
4. Comes with free bonus same-sex marriage license in six states.
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3. This piston-like motion sends a shockwave of energy all over your face, neck, and chest.
2. "How does Ironclad Cocksuck Guarantee sound? Too much. Okay, call it kick butt."
1. "Alright, the key to selling this product is subtlety, so, keep it classy."
"You got it, boss. What do you think of extreme masturbation?"