Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on a collision course that will culminate when the two face off this November to determine who will be president. This is real life. It's happening. A mere two days ago, another obstacle in Trump's path — Marco Rubio — bowed out of the election after winning only Miami-Dade County in the Florida primary.
That means many Miamians now have to decide whom to vote for in eight months. Unless a new candidate falls out of the sky, the options will be limited. But hey, what if a terrific candidate from Miami did fall out of the sky? It could happen. And these Miami people should be the ones to make it happen.
7. President Drew Rosenhaus
Do you want a man who really knows how to make better deals? Sports agent Drew Rosenhaus is your guy. He has been at the top of his profession for decades and represents about 80 NFL players, more than any other agent. And look at his wife — forget about that proposed "make sex great again" campaign for Melania Trump. By the time President Rosenhaus gets his head wrapped around our economy, we will have iPhones being built not only in America but also at our local malls. Nobody has more connections in sports than this guy, so you can be sure he will have plenty of famous — and wealthy — supporters. President Rosenhaus will give America better deals.
6. President Pitbull
Who could possibly be a better ambassador for the United States than a man nicknamed Mr. Worldwide? OK, probably a few people, but not many. Mr. Pit (we would have to call him that if he is elected, so I'm getting used to it) makes everyone happy with his music. If you play "Give Me Everything" at a family reunion, your abuela will get up and dance with your 5-year-old nephew. Imagine a president rapping, "Give me everything tonight/For all we know we might not get tomorrow!" Chances are ISIS loves Pitbull, and those guys will decide it's not worth it anymore. Everyone loves Pitbull! President Pitbull is the man America deserves.
5. President Chris Bosh
Chris Bosh is undoubtedly a smart man with many talents. He seems like he could pretty much do anything he sets his mind to, so if his career is indeed sidetracked due to his battle with blood clots, why not politics? The pro-basketball player has the humor of Barack Obama, so people would be drawn to him when he speaks about things like foreign policy. Pinterest thinks he "looks like a dinosaur," which would make him attractive to those Republicans who want to bomb ISIS "back to the Stone Age." He taught himself Spanish, which would give him an advantage in the biggest states, including our very own Florida. He has the most beautiful family, with twin boys on the way. And he's already rich, so he's not for sale. President Bosh is the man we need to lead us for the next four years.
4. President Gloria Estefan
Miami's answer to Hillary Clinton is President Gloria Estefan. She can do more than turn the beat around. "Turn the Country Around!" is her perfect slogan. Estefan started off her award-winning musical career fronting a group called the Miami Latin Boys, so you know she can be a leader to both women and men. She and her husband, Emilio Estefan, the have been a Miami mainstay for decades and have steered clear of bad press, gliding along through a successful career, making the right move at every turn. Emilio and Gloria are reportedly worth more than a half-billion dollars, so nobody is buying them once they are in office. From begin a fantastic musician to a successful businesswoman, she has proven to be a solid representative for our fair city. Isn't it about time she represent our country? With the right people surrounding her, President Gloria Estefan can make Americans get on their feet.
Illustration by Alvaro Diaz-Rubio
3. President DJ Khaled
Is DJ Khaled's campaign platform — "Having the Key to America's Success" — really that much different from Trump's "Making America Great Again"? Nope. One could argue the music producer goes more in-depth when explaining what he believes in and how you can follow in his footsteps. Khaled is a man who is best known for songs other people perform — that sounds like a guy who could get Mexico to build a wall and pay for it too. Mexicans don't want DJ Khaled to be president of the United States of America! But the American people have spoken. Start printing some "Another One 2016" hats.
Photo by Gene Page/courtesy of HBO
2. President Dwyane "The Rock" Johnson
Ronald Reagan was an actor before he became president. Dwyane Johnson went from a nondescript college football stint at the University of Miami to WWE superstardom and a high-paying, respected Hollywood acting career. He has seen the bottom and worked his way to the top without any help from Daddy. Anyone can erect a building with other people's money and put his name on it (cough, Donald), but it takes skill to create an empire from nothing. President Johnson will continue to use his catchphrase, and Americans will continue to wonder if we'll ever know what the Rock is cooking. Vote the Rock!
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1. President Oscar Isaac
Though he wasn't born in America, Oscar Isaac is America. The actor was was born in Guatemala, to a Guatemalan mother and a Cuban father. His grandfather is French, and he has Jewish ancestry on his father's side. He's a human melting pot that grew up inside a larger melting pot. Isaac's acting career has blown up with roles in Star Wars: The Force Awakens and X-Men: Apocalypse, both series with cult followings. If what Americans want is a diverse up-and-comer in office, they could do much worse than the distinguished President Oscar Isaac. Plus, he already played a politician on television and won a Golden Globe for it (HBO's Show Me a Hero). Show me President Isaac!