Seven Miami Heat Playoff Themes/Gimmicks Better Than White Hot Heat

We were shocked to find out the Miami Heat are recycling their White Hot Heat theme going into the 2011 playoffs. Sure, it worked in 2006 and helped get us our first NBA title, but that was five years ago. This is a new team. A legitimate juggernaut. The team was brazen enough to spend over $300 million to lure the Big Three to Miami but they can't pull together a new theme, jingle, or gimmick heading into crunch time? What the hell is going on?

No matter. Cultist is here. We decided to put some bad blood between us and the Heat aside and came up with 7 slogans, themes, songs, or props that fans can rally behind starting with tomorrow's playoff opener against the Philadelphia Sixers. Check them out:

7. Terrible Tissue

Heard of the Terrible Towel in Pittsburgh? Well, Miami can one up the

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Steel City (too bad they don't have a basketball team) with the Terrible

Tissue. Just like with the towel, the tissue can be waved by rabid fans. But this is better because it's biodegradable and shows the team's commitment to

green initiatives. Plus, should the team lose and start crying

like babies again, they'll have plenty of tissues to wipe those ole big

teardrops with. Poor babies!

6. White Hot Hate

Admittedly, this isn't too different than White Hot Heat but it does

integrate the popular t-shirts pedaled by a Miami company's Don't Hate

line. Not sure how it makes sense exactly, but it might confuse

opponents as they think about it and add to our victory margins.

5. The Heatles Playoff Tour

The public spectacle created as the team traveled across the

country had some calling them the Heatles. LeBron would be John, DWade

would be Paul, Bosh would be George, and Erik Spoelstra would be Ringo.

4. Come and Get Us Bitches!

It's crass, we know, but emblematic of how the whole season has gone.

With the playoffs starting up we're sure the level of vitriol from the

rest of the country will amp up like early in the season. That's alright.

We welcome the hate. We're from Miami after all, we're used to it!

3. Playoffs 2011: Taking Our Talents to La Saguesera

It's just as random as LeBron's famous, "I'm taking my talents to South

Beach" line. Actually, this is more accurate since La Saguesera is

actually closer to American Airlines Arena than South Beach.

2. Playoffs 2011: The CircumDecision Continues

Stay with us on this one. This is a continuation of LeBron's

television debacle named "The Decision" last year. But this also appeals to the Heat's large Jewish fan base.  

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1. G-L-O-R-I-A (James)

An homage to LeBron's troublemaking mother,  Gloria.

Picture this: DJ Irie spins a track of Van Morrison's classic  "Gloria "

song with the whole crowd singing along until they culminate with the

famous chorus, G-L-O-R-I-A. This would be especially useful against

Boston, since Celtic guard Delonte West was alleged to have had a dalliance with Gloria. We're not saying he did. But it would be

distracting (although maybe more so for LeBron than anybody).

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.


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