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Seven Iconic Moments in Miami History Deserving of Statues

We've soured a bit on public art in this city. What with proliferation of Romero Britto and all manner of silly animals being idolized like heathen gods. We blame Chicago for the latter, after all it was the "Cows on Parade" exhibit that started this whole craziness. Well, it looks like the Windy City is up to its old tricks again, and we shudder to think how copycat Miami will react.

An enormous Marilyn Monroe with iconic white dress blowing up from the sewer grate now stands erect in that city and we figure it's just a matter of time before the winds blow the idea southward to Miami. But this time we're ready. Here are six moments in South Florida history that deserve to be immortalized in statue form (and let's pray to avoid Manatee statues in the future).

We can forgive, but we won't forget. Especially with a statue.
We can forgive, but we won't forget. Especially with a statue.

6. Jim Morrison Pulling Out His Pecker at Dinner Key

If the Governor of Florida can forgive the Doors' singer for drunkenly

dangling his dong

in front of thousands at Dinner Key in 1970, surely we can take the

next step and erect (that's two erections in one post) a statue honoring his contribution (dare we say,

endowment) to our cultural history. So what if the concert itself sucked

balls.

Even cockroaches deserve statues.
Even cockroaches deserve statues.

5. Tony Montana Sitting at Mount Cokemore Desk

Is there anything more Miami than the image of Al Pacino in a coke

induced stupor with powder puffing out his nostrils in front of a pile

of Colombia's finest. We think not. As, for a location, maybe along the

MacArthur Causeway right before getting to South Beach.

4. McDuffie Riots

This one will be hard to simulate in statue form and even harder to look

at. Maybe a bunch of cops standing over Arthur McDuffie beating him a

la Rodney King. It's wouldn't be a pleasant reminder of our sordid

history, but obviously police in South Florida, and the rest of us, need

to remember lest we keep making the same stupid mistakes.

Bryan Norcross saved Miami.
Bryan Norcross saved Miami.

3. Bryan Norcross' Windswept Hair Guiding Us Through Hurricane Andrew

Yeah, yeah, we know. Norcross was in studio as he calmly led us through

the most harrowing night in many of our lives, but we take artistic

license to create a better effect for a statue.

 

Seven Iconic Moments in Miami History Deserving of Statues

2. Three Kings on Stage Like a Bunch of Bozos

They hadn't even won a game, but already the Miami Heat's anointed Three

Kings were dancing and singing and generally making assess of

themselves to the rest of country. Maybe an animatronic statue would be

appropriate with Chris Bosh doing his scream, LeBron holding up fingers

for all the championships he hasn't brought here, and DWade standing on

the scorer's table mouthing "this is my house" over and over.

Elian is number one.
Elian is number one.
Alan Diaz

1.Elian Gonzalez

More than an incredibly compelling Pulitzer Prize winning photo of a

terrified child being pried from the arms of a loved one by a machine

gun wielding soldier, the photo has all the elements that define Miami: violence, absurdity, and Cuba. Who knows, if you build it, maybe Elian

will even come to see it.

Take that Chicago.
Take that Chicago.

Honorable Mention - Steve Bartman

Since Chi-Town always seems to be leading us to artistic folly, how bout

a statue commemorating that moment in 2003 when Steven Bartman

interfered with his own Chicago Cubs player thus clearing the way for

the Florida Marlins to beat the lovable losers and continue the longest

streak of futility in pro sports. So what if it happened in Chicago, we

still like to remember in Miami.

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