Monday evening, Bravo brought us the glory that is the Real Housewives of Miami reunion. Thought part one was a hot mess? Then you probably weren't ready for number dos. Once again, here are ten moments we truly loved.
10. Lisa at Joanna's Wedding -- What Happened?
Bravo has a phrase we have all accepted into our lives: "throwing shade." Well, Joanna was essentially an umbrella last night. She is suggesting Lisa made some questionable choices at her wedding. What are these questionable choices exactly? Well, we aren't sure. We are going to go ahead and assume she got Vegas-style wasted once again. But, um, isn't that the point of weddings anyways?
9. Joanna is a Hooker
But before you get out the tissues for Lisa, remember: our girl Joanna wasn't so innocent herself. Accusations that Mrs. Krupa was/is a hooker and/or an escort in her native Poland were made by Hochstein. If that hasn't come out yet, let's be honest -- it probably isn't true. But... wouldn't it be great if she was? Who doesn't love a good sex scandal, right?
8. Marysol Talks Mama Elsa
Part of our heart belongs to Marysol Patton, we will admit. That is mainly because we want nothing more than her mother, Mama Elsa, to adopt us and tuck us in at night. But the media maven did bring us a reunion first: an iPad message from her father pre-surgery. Oh and not just that: she brought a speaker so God and everyone could hear how much Papa Patton truly hates Lea. We want to support you girls, but yeah, we can't. Even for a Bravo reunion special, this was a little crazytown.
7. Let's Talk Scarface
When you live in Miami, a few sterotypes comes with your address: That you're always late, go out 24/7, have a mild to strong cocaine addiction, etc. But for Cuban Barbie Alexia, one of those things came true. Thanks to Andy Cohen and his ability to grill women to the core, she confessed that her husband didn't just deal cocaine; he was a baby Scarface with a pretty heavy prison record. Possibly the best part of the entire story was the fact that she knew the entire time of his shady business. We have always dreamt of being a mob wife, so yeah, we are totally jealous.
6. Lea Hates the Housewives
Andy Cohen asked one truly brave question to Lea Black: "Do you think this show represents Miami well?" Without skipping a beat, she said and we quote, "Um.... no." She's fine with Joanna, we suppose, but she is really over the rest of these bitches -- especially disliking Ms. Marysol who she called "desperate" multiple, multiple times.
Guess what? Marysol had her period during the reunion. Want to know why you know this? Because she informed the camera man about 18 times of her lady troubles. TMI, boo.
4. Gringas vs. Latinas
For the Atlanta wives, it's the talls vs. smalls. In Beverly Hills, it's the really rich vs. mega rich. Here in Miami, it's Gringas vs. Latinas. That is according to the ladies, of course. We just see it as Club Everyone Hates Lea and Joanna. They both just happen to be white.
3. Lisa Is Ethnic
We could call Lisa Hochstein a few things. Perhaps unemployed, fake, hussy, gold digger and according to Housewives Twitter fans, a racist. With her calling out the Cuban Gang, they all apparently believe she is a full-blown Hispanic hater. Maybe she is, and that would be sad for her, because it's gotta be really, really hard to be a racist here in Miami. Honestly, with people from all over the world around every corner, that seems like a struggle.
2. The Men of Miami
According to Adriana, Romain might be gay. Joanna thinks perhaps Frederick is as well. What's Mrs. De Moura's hope for all of this? That the husbands run away together and Bravo has a new show on their hands. We would be lying if we said we wouldn't watch that.
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1. Final Thought
All in all, season three was pretty good. A little too wedding focused, but good. But this reunion? Child, we loved every singe moment of it. Season four, we can't wait till you arrive!
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